Volunteering and being productive really helps. I find if I have a list of things to do or help around the house to keep busy makes me feel better. Having hobbies helps as well. Learn a language, knit a blanket, or run a mile. There are many long term and short term goals I want to hit within my hobbies.

I wish I had a good answer to this. I thought I’d at least comment and say I have had a lot of the same thoughts lately. I’m putting a lot of effort into therapy and trying to navigate my way into a healthier mindset, yet I can’t seem to shake the often overwhelming shame around my life not panning out as I had hoped and worked so hard for. My social circle has dwindled to a couple of people, I spend most of my time at home since I work from home and have very little in the way of fulfilling hobbies. My wife and I have not been able to have children and have had two miscarriages in the last year. I had wanted to be a father more than anything.

Anyways, I’m right here with you friend. Know that as you fight these battles there are others fighting similar and you are not alone.

I’m so sorry about your struggles. I appreciate your reply and vulnerability in sharing ❤️

A few things that helped me a while back, first of all was starting to ignore what I thought I ‘should’ be doing according to others.

Second was just engaging and working harder on the day to day, and interesting things grew out of that.

I didn’t create some master plan, I just starting to be more assertive and dedicated to the small stuff (like my work, studies at the time, friends, family, even cleaning, etc.) and it opened up unexpected doors.

I guess the thing that can be scary when you think you’re in a rut is, how do I get out of it. It can be almost paralyzing.

But it’s not so hard to just take small steps, day by day. It’s amazing how far, and where, it takes you.

Change your subconscious mind. Currently reading Og Mandino Greatest Salesman In the World. Also I listen to Dauschy meditation while I fall asleep and in my sleep. I still have days where I feel completely void inside but part of me feels like I am changing. I managed to consistently brush and floss, go into the gym , go to a bhangra dance class , and ready to pick up more habits.

One of my biggest fears is missing out in a lot of different experiences in my life and to combat that feeling I’ve been experimenting and just letting go of any bad thoughts i have, it’s been hard but I believe fulfillment is not about a destination or end goal it’s all about the journey.

Something that has helped me, and may help you, is changing the way you look at things. When I am at my lowest, it really helps to take the things you already do every day and call it self-care. Brushing your hair and teeth. Showering. Eating a meal. Whatever it is for you, try changing how you talk about it with yourself. Taking care of yourself feels good, so try reframing it from things you have to do, into things you want to do.

Also, it's okay to enjoy leisure time. You do not have to be productive 24/7. Doing things that you like and want to do is okay, and it's okay if you put other things off to do those things. It may help you to make a list of all the "productive" things you want to do. Whatever they may be, try and work on one every day. You don't have to finish a task every day, and several tasks may take months or years (getting a degree, buying a car or house, etc). But it feels good taking the first step to do something. Do you need new glasses? Take the first step and make an appointment. Yay, you did something productive!! Breaking things down into manageable pieces really helps.

One last thing. It's easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to your peers. Don't. You are on your own journey, they are on theirs. You have had completely different opportunities and circumstances than every single other person on the planet, and you have done the best you can with the knowledge you had to get where you are today. You are doing great, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Keep trying to do your best every day - and your best isn't the same every day. You got this!

Its not a waste, because it's my life & no one is living it second to second, moment to moment like I am. I'm not saying others aren't living, but they aren't livingYOUR life. Success is as subjective as the same patch of grass two people are looking at, describing it's shade of green they see.

Every day time marches on. For better. For worse. For niether. Where should you be? Hell if I know. I recently lost nearly everything I cared about due to a freak accident. Should I keep dwelling on if this or maybe that had happened differently, things wouldn't be like this? No. Wanna know why?

It's because I cannot change how any of that happened, how anyone else saw it or me during the recovery. I can't go back. Niether can you. I hate hearing the advice I'm about to give because of how "I need a real answer that makes 100% sense right now" I get when emotionally swept up, but when not angry there is another way of looking at it.

Do something. Anything. Change is constant, nothing truly remains the same, ever. My answer to your question of "is this all there is?" is a flat no. Things may seem similar, some things may feel identical to something that has already happened... but it's not. Ever, for example, think about a litter of kittens? Are any of them gonna be the same or similar? If one goes astray & never sees the rest again, does that one have to end up like it's kin? Will it? Together still in a happy family, or is it's life gonna be on the street? Is it worse off or better? How do the kittens who didn't vs the one alone know of the other's reality? They don't.

Do something you like. If that doesn't work, try something different. Life is ever changing, you could be too if you do it. It seemed like a "I could have had a V8" moment when it clicked that we enjoy life by Doing Things. What things? Any things. Every things. Will even this answer only satisfy me for a little while because depression doesn't just go away? Yeah. Then I'll remember this thought process when I've come out of feeling that way & keep walking just like I did a thousand times already. Stagnation is doing nothing, so avoid it & do something, preferably engaging & positive. If it helps others? Bonus. Keep walking, we're not dead yet.

I have struggled with this feeling for the last 5 years. As I say, “I did nothing and, more importantly, it meant nothing”. I have been unable to shake it. Hopefully you will have success in shaking how you feel.

Non fui, fui, non sum, non curo.

I have struggled with this feeling for the last 5 years. As I say, “I did nothing and, more importantly, it meant nothing”. I have been unable to shake it. Hopefully you will have success in shaking how you feel.

Non fui, fui, non sum, non curo.

Thank you for the comment and encouraging words. ❤️ I really appreciate it!

I’d recommend something along the lines of Duolingo as a start. I suffer with depression and anxiety as well. Even in my worst times, it’s easy to jump on my phone and do a lesson. And the feeling of accomplishment is actually kind of addictive. It builds momentum, and makes me want to get started on other things I want to accomplish.

Having a goal that you have control and agency over.

I feel the exact same way at times I try my best or if I don’t I try to make peace with myself and try to to motivate good habits. You’re not alone, there aren’t answers for what’s the best way you should live your life but there are healthy choices a lot of us can make and even when we think we’ve given more than we can take, it’s up to you to decide how you want to approach life. I’ve lost a lot of care due to depression and anxiety as well as addiction but I’m still grateful to be able to pursue what I want each day.

Momento Mori You WILL die. You’d don’t know when, and you never will until it happens. Could be tomorrow, next year, in 10 years, etc.

But the story will end with death. Then there will be no future for you. Everything you wasted your life on, won’t matter any more.

My point is, it doesn’t matter. No matter what you do, you will die. So live how you want, and live truthfully and honest with yourself. Try your best to be genuine, and you will die in peace

So you know how sometimes you look at old photos and someone looks JUST like Keanu Reeves. Or someone talks in the same way. Or someone has similar hobbies?

These are all little pieces of what makes you - you.

Not in any kind of magical thinking of reincarnation or anything.

The whole “nothing really matters because there’s no authority on what “matters” beyond what we decide. It’s freeing.

What I found helped is to stop wasting my life. Then the feeling went away

What helps me realize that's absurd is fiction. Fiction is great because it's all stories about people and their meaningfulness, so if these guys who also wrestle with waste of space kind of issues end up having meaning, then so can you and me.

I get fiction isn't real life, but that's not the point. Fiction is a reflection of how people really are. That's why literature is art. Books remind us that we only see a small part of our own story at any given time and that we are our harshest critics.

Read a book.

If it makes you happy, do it, but be aware of the consequences. For me, I feel like wasting life because I don’t have a car, so i can’t go anywhere, or afford anything. Living like that can be miserable, but it depends on your mentality, because sometimes you enjoy the experience of laziness.

While something between 70 to 90 years seem long for people, it's really not that much in the grand scheme of things.

You feel like you barely blink and a week is gone. Great, you're finished with work today, the month is already over. This process seems to speed up the older you become. As a child it felt like every hour was a day, now with 26 I feel like weeks are just flying. I don't consider myself old by any means but in just four years I'll be 30 already. I can still remember my 18th birthday like it was yesterday.

Life is too short, live the way you want to live. If you ever think to yourself "is this what I should be doing", don't think about wether you should do it. Think about wether or not it gives you joy. I'm a caretaker for the elderly not because of a sense of duty or because it's expected of me but because I want to help people who can't help themselves anymore.

Besides my passion for my field of work I'm also a gamer bar none, oftentimes "wasting" my days off with nothing but gaming. But I'll also grab a few books and read for a week or two if I feel like it. I learn different languages. I have recently taken up woodworking a little. I enjoy cooking a lot more. I started going out with friends again. I'm not doing these things because I should be doing them. I'm doing these things because they bring me joy. Something I can be proud of at the end of the day. Something other people will remember me by when I'll inevitably be gone one day. Because that's all that will remain, the memories of other people who knew you. It's a scary thought and wether or not an afterlife really exist I'm not really sure. But in the meantime between now and my inevitable death, I'll just enjoy the life I've been give doing things I want to do.

The most important thing is finding a balance for all of this. Obviously you shouldn't neglect work for hobbies unless you can make more money with them. Neither should you let work influence your off time. Friends and family are important. For the longest time, when my depression and anxiety hit rock bottom a few years ago, I neglected everything. My friends, my family and basically all other hobbies but gaming. I had thoughts of doing really, really bad things to myself. Even worse than in my youth when I was bullied throughout all years of school. Quite frankly, I didn't want to be alive anymore. But I just couldn't go through with it. The thought of my mother weeping for me was the hardest slap back to reality I've ever gotten.

She is my anchor, she is what keeps me going. I've always had to endure being called a momma's boy. I don't give a single rat's ass about that. Yes, I'm a momma's boy and I'm proud of it. My mother sacrificed basically her whole life for me. The unplanned child. The youngest of four, my other siblings being 10 to 15 years older. Heart condition from birth and boom, basically all of her late 30s and early to mid 40s were gone because of me. She sacrificed everything for me. Even today on the days I feel like an absolute failure she always tells me how proud she is. I'm not the best son, she isn't the best mother. We all have flaws. But to me she's the greatest person who will ever live and every single time she tells me she's proud of me, I know I didn't waste the life she nurtured despite being robbed of most of hers.

Your life isn't wasted because there's people who love you. People who care. Even if it's just one person that can be enough to know you're not wasting anything. True, unconditional love is the greatest gift anyone could ever give.

First off I want to give you my personal answers to these questions you asked. Just live a life you have fun living and that makes yourself proud. That's what I'm doing and I of course my depression sometimes kicks in. My anxiety gets the better of me even these days. I still have days where I'm in tears thinking I'm just a failure no one needs. But at the end of the day there are so many good things to live for. Yes, sometimes you have to actively go out and seek for these things, sometimes they just come to you. Every day can be an adventure. You just have to go, sometimes take a risk and have the best adventure of your only life. Our life is an adventure. Any adventure, no matter if successful or not, is worth it. Never a waste.

Second: I'm really, really sorry I wrote so much, it's far more than I intended to write. Have a cookie made of code for your trouble.

We struggle to see our own lives accurately; maybe trying to journal and writing down one thing you liked about the day, one way you helped someone/yourself/the planet, and finally reflecting on a plan for the next day might give you a sense of purpose. A lot of people find that having goals helps them direct their energy, set small goals, and feel like they’re accomplishing something.

I also find that when I’m struggling to find my own joy, I’m usually still able to contribute to or partake in the joy of others. Doing something kind or thoughtful and seeing a reaction makes me happy; letting someone know you’re thinking about them and they’re important to you.

I don’t want to comment on your treatment at all, but I will add that at particularly difficult points in my life therapy and a support system have not been enough and I’ve needed medication. Everyone is different and you don’t need to share any more info about yourself, I just talk about it because we need to end the stigma around medication.

Sometimes I feel like I’m just going through the motions. But right now I’m sitting on the back porch and my wife just finished rambling on about how blessed and spoiled she feels. She’s retired now and doing things she’s always wished she could do but couldn’t, and she’s been talking about how it’s only because of the home and income I’m providing. So that means a lot. I don’t feel like I’m wasting my life because I’m taking care of my family and they appreciate what I do for them.

Volunteering. Helping others is the best way to feel like your life has meaning. Habitat for humanity, your local food pantry, somewhere where you’ll be working in conjunction with others. You don’t need any special skills or talents, you just need to show up and follow directions

I have a number of assorted thoughts, or angles, on this question, which hopefully make sense together.

First, let's take the thought seriously. It's probably true on some level that you're not doing everything you could be doing, or not living up to your potential in some way. In other words, it's unlikely this is your best possible life, and you just have to start feeling better about it.

Ok, then why are you failing to live up to your potential? There's a lot of reasons, but first, note that there's no benefit to blaming yourself or feeling ashamed about it. This only turns into an unproductive story like "I suck, I'll never succeed, I always fail, I can't do it." That's called depression.

It's totally possible to accept the way things are without losing the ability to move forward. Meditation and stoicism are both great for this. So even if you wasted the last ten years, ok, so you wasted the last ten years, that's just a fact, there's no point in just feeling bad about it, just accept it and think, given that fact, what's the best thing to do from here?

When you're stuck in self-blame, you tend to want to fix everything really quickly, which means having totally unrealistic expectations about what you should be able to accomplish, and when you don't accomplish all that, you feel like a failure again, self-blame, etc.

If you don't blame yourself, if you instead just focus on what is the best thing to do right now, then you can make sure that every day, you do at least something beneficial for you, even if it's only for one minute right before you go to sleep. The mind is really bad at projecting the effect of many small efforts over a long period of time. And, importantly, as you start to notice changes, that's one of the main internal sources of gratification and confidence you can find.

In fact, learning to enjoy the daily process of doing your best is the only way to find gratification. If you only care about end goals, then even if you achieve your goals, you might end up becoming dissatisfied all over again.

Second, let's question the thought. One thing I notice about this kind of thought is that it is like 1:1 with a bad mood for me. In other words, I don't feel like this all the time, but when I do feel like "I'm wasting my life," it is always accompanied by this very bad mood, whereas when I'm not in a bad mood, I don't usually believe this.

It's so connected that I have started to realize that there's more a reciprocal relationship between these things than I thought. Meaning, I always assumed "I am wasting my life, therefore I feel bad." That's not entirely wrong, but it's also true to say "I feel bad, therefore I interpret my situation very negatively, and conclude that I'm wasting my life."

I've learned over time that thinking clearly is really fucking hard. The emotion usually comes first, meaning the emotion is negative, and therefore the thought that it produces is also negative.

Again, given my first point, the negative emotion does in some way probably reflect something true, but note that a lot of things impact that feeling as well. Here's some examples:

• If your diet sucks, you'll probably feel bad, which will make you more likely to conclude that you're a failure.
• If you don't exercise enough same thing.
• Same thing for other needs like socializing, sunshine, enough sleep, boring things that don't seem to solve the "wasting life" problem but are actually extremely important.
• Cognitive behavioral therapy: If you waste a day, do you feel bad for wasting that day and try to do better tomorrow, or do you then think about every failure you've ever had, so that it's too painful to even think about your day? Meditation and therapy can be very useful for making your thoughts more productive, and avoiding feedback loops of negativity that can paralyze you.

There are surely more but I'm not thinking of it right now.

In conclusion: you're probably thinking this way both because there's something true about it, and because you're already feeling bad and feeling bad causes negative thoughts like this. To help address the issue, you can take concrete actions to make things better, and you can also address the negative feeling itself, which will make your thinking more balanced and make it easier to take action.

I do Duolingo, too :) What language are you learning?

“I’m still grateful to be able to pursue what I want each day”. Gratitude is so good 🙏

Thank you for the reminder. “Live every day like it’s your last” is so cheesy but also- so true.

My husband gets told all the time he looks like Keanu Reeves 😂 I got a bit distracted from the rest of your comment at first. But anyways, I think that’s the thing I’m missing. Not knowing really what matters. I mean, family- yeah. But then like …..?????????????

Thank you for sharing, man. What you wrote is true. It’s all true. I am turning 30 in 6 months and 2 days and it’s blowing my mind. I think it’s exacerbating the mindset as well- like i ~should~ be doing something else with my life and I’m wasting it / it’s unremarkable etc. Life is too short.

Also, I am so glad you have a mama who loves you ❤️ we probably take that for granted too much but we’re so lucky in that regard.

Exactly, man. Also yeah, my mom is amazing. I do take it too much for granted sometimes, though. But at the end of the day, I love her more than anything and I know she loves me the same. That's all that matters. Love to ya ♥️

You do a LOT by providing for not only yourself but your family. That is such an honorable thing, and sounds like you may have been doing it for many years. Thank you for taking care of other people and loving your family in this way 🙏

SO MUCH YES to the blip about I usually feel this when I’m in a bad mood, and only when I’m in a bad mood. Definitely me today, definitely why I’m happening to post on a bad mood day. Lol And yes. Thinking clearly IS really fucking hard. I really like your comment, it gives me a lot to think about. Thank for your taking time to write such a detailed reply.

Time enjoyed is not time wasted

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Something that was life changing for me was realizing, no matter what im doing, who i am with, how hard the task is, how annoyed im getting, how impatient i am, how much im overthinking, or on the flip side, no matter how much of a good time im having, time is still ticking and ticking away, and that time ticking is your life…., i know that sounds scary.

But look at it this way. What i am doing now, is trying to enjoy EVERY moment for what it is, and being totally present at the same time. Yeah some moments will bother you, some may piss you off, some may make you sad, but being present in every moment and accepting your current emotions as they are is what life is all about. And yes on top of that we all need goals, ambitions, a schedule. But if you can just totally be present with your current task, rather than being overwhelmed and thinking about your next 5 tasks before you finished that one, or being at work and being miserable wishing you were home, just enjoy work for what it is since its apart of your current life. (Just examples obv work may not wven be a problem for you)

I hope all this makes sense. And trust me its easier said than done, a basic rule of thumb is the less you think about the past and future and just focus on your current moment, and making your current moment as best as it can be, it will be life changing. One last rule of thumb is THINK less and DO more.

Tell yourself that "What I choose to do is my CHOICE and it's not wasted."

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Hello, my fellow redditor. Let me start with a question: When you are judging yourself do you compare yourself to others? Stories of famous people? Instagram people? Recently it’s the core of depression on most of people, I mean comparing to others on social media. Their life looks fly and easy. I try to see the other side, where many people live worse life than I am. And many people in the world dream of my lifestyle. They just want to achieve peace and little stability at least. And I focus on these achievements and praise myself for them. Then recently I started to let myself think what do I really want. Not comparing to others, not trying to get their acceptance. Some of my dreams are too hard to reach, but some are very real. And I am working on them, it brings me joy. I hope when I reach these small targets I would be able to start following my bigger dreams. I am sharing my own humble experience. Hope it is helpful. Peace

What has always helped me is perspective. I remember the past, how hard shit used to be, and where I come from. I remind myself how absolutely fucked my life and my loved ones lives would be back in the country we came from, not having a university to attend. In the states, I remember working as a food runner and being treated like absolute garbage by the head chef. I remember working quick service at Disney and the floor being so slippery from the grease that I had to walk in an unnatural way so I developed back pain. It is so much better now and remembering how much it sucked makes me thankful!

I used to feel like that and then one day I remembered the lady I wanted to be when I was a kid and just be her. It works pretty well. I struggle with the fact that there are so many out there who don’t think about that at all, like my dad. He sits in the same chair 12 hours a day, doing accounting. Going on 35 years he’s been doing that. Very little joy.. very absent sense of humor. Also, I got a Rottweiler. She has saved me from eternal misery and hazardous conditions of loneliness. She follows me everywhere I go, and she would die for me.. that’s a trip. You should think about getting a dog , or cat, or even if you like gardening and plants. You need reminders of life, and being responsible for the animals or plants will give you purpose.

My dog actually had puppies and we have one left. He’s 4 months old, and he is the sweetest damn dog I’ve ever met. He would make a great companion. Try convincing your dog that your life is insignificant.. or being wasted. You won’t be able to.

Get a dog and remember you’re not alone.

If my family is healthy and happy and it’s because of things I’m doing then it isn’t a waste.

I’ve found that most folks feel like they’ve fallen short of their potential or are wasting life. Even many super, super rich and successful people have issues with these emotions.

I have realized that the “I’m wasting my life” emotion is really a misplaced “I’m going to die one day” emotion. The media feeds us stories about people fighting good and evil or overcoming these huge obstacles, and we think life needs to be just like that. We are also wired to want to leave a legacy behind when we go, so there is this constant struggle to be more than you are.

But a huge, huge chunk of life is lived in boring details. And even if I imagine reaching all of my loftiest goals, so what? I’m still going to die. Nobody will really remember me. But therein lies a little freedom. If nothing matters and nobody will remember me, then I can do whatever I want. Even if I mess up royally, odds are nobody will care and/or remember.

I try to make sure I’m doing things that will help future me. But otherwise I am trying to relax when it comes to winning the achievement game. I do have some random goals that are fun and quirky and hopefully achievable. Outside of those, I’m hoping to be along for the ride.

Do 75 hard it changes you if you do it correctly

I recently got out of a long term relationship and it was tough on me, at first. But I decided it was an opportunity to take control of my life and reinvent myself. I switched from glasses to contacts, I joined a gym to get myself in better shape and I’m looking for new things to try in my spare time. This week, I’m planning on going to a nearby karaoke bar to just let loose for a bit.

If you’re not happy with your life as it is now, go out in the world and find the things that will renew you and reinvigorate you. Open yourself up to new experiences and new perspectives and new opportunities.

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First of all, good for you reaching out to people. This is my take on things: Everybody - Everybody at times feel less than, non motivated, lazy, in limbo, etc. Circumstances and life changes can screw you up as well. I am an older woman who has been where you are. (I survived it) When things got bad enough that I was calling in sick cuz I was too depressed to get out of bed at least once a week, even with therapy, I started making a recurring daily calendar entry - 6:00 wake up. 6:30 meditate or thank the Universe for SOMETHING, 7:00 shower, 7:45 get out door for work. Get rid of toxic people, keep social media (phone/computer) time very minimal, compliment 2 people every day, when negative thoughts come you can train your brain to deflect them with a different mindset (google it) More than anything, you are you. I always thought I should have been better, smarter, prettier, nicer, blah blah blah - I came to realize I am so much happier and complete if I pay more attention to other people’s happiness. With age comes acceptance of yourself. Maybe you’re just regular. So what? You’re important to somebody, I am sure. Chill out. Go to work. Be nice. Stop worrying about life - it will happen with or without your participation, so try to participate.

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Came here to read the comments because I often feel the same way, but realized that I don't think attitude is the main problem, to me that's a symptom.

In my case, I have a lot of anxiety and perfectionism, probably undiagnosed adhd, that always gives me intrusive thoughts about what I should be doing at all times. Talking to a therapist and my partner more openly about what I expect from myself has opened my eyes to how screwed my perception is.

I'm now working on being nicer to myself, saying to myself that I did a full day of work and cooked a meal, great adulting, now I DESERVE to chill. I still need to confirm that with my partner frequently, who happily tells me to stop being ridiculous and go play.

Other things that have helped me recently are going to bed and waking up early (thanks to my new puppy) and reflecting on different activities using this concept.

Getting something simple done on a daily basis so I get the dopamine gratification. Then slowly doing bigger things.

Definitive action

Gotta work towards your goals. I have a side project I work on for 1-3 hours a day. I wish I could work on it full time, and maybe one day I can. But making no progress makes me depressed

If you are not actively working hard to make something of yourself and build yourself up, I understand why you feel this way.

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Hey, I have a new puppy too! And a lot of what you said resonates with me and sounds like me… Let’s be friends :)

Happy to hear! ♥️ Then I shall drop this for you as well, it's my "agnostic prayer".

Shoot me a message any time!

What's worked for me this year is the "everything is fucked, a book about hope" audio book. The understanding between the "thinking"brain and "feeling" brain really put things into the right perspective for me. Can't recommend it enough.

Getting the F off social media, stop watching porn and using your phone. You’re not going to “intellectualize” your way out of this mindset from Reddit. Start reading positive mindset books, make exercise your new life, get more sun exposure, and add more value to your relationships. Get off the internet, if you are not intentional about what you are doing on it, it will become an echo chamber of weakness, sadness, and mediocrity, especially if you are a man. When you start to feel better consistently your mind will find natural avenues to provide value and your path will be laid clear before you.

Work out. It’ll get you addicted to achieving goals, like gaining weight or losing it. Upping your bench, etc. and that’ll leak into other parts of your life. Worked for me anyway, use to be 140lbs at 6’1 in high school and when I got to college I wanted to change and now I’m 10+ years in and I’m in the best shape of my life and it has given me the confidence to set my mind towards anything. The change starts small with something like getting out of bed everyday to go to the gym, then you start eating healthy, then you start living healthy, and before you know it taking care of yourself is part of your routine and not something to be forced. Life doesn’t have to be spent dedicated towards noble tasks. Sometimes just taking care of yourself is enough. And once you learn to do it for yourself you’ll find you’re better equipped to take care of others too. You’ll be a better brother, son, father, husband. And a life spent being good to the people you love is a life well lived.

I severely underestimated how much working from home was affecting my mental health. Might be something to look into if at all possible. Sure work from home has its perks, but spending most of my day out of the house has done wonders for me.

I'm not OP but this is an absolutely amazing outlook on life. I'm trying to implement this right now. It's crazy how many good things happen when you just simply take a deep breath and start working on The Stuff.

Set goals. Something short term, mid term, and long term. Examples: get better at job, have a family, travel. If your goals are true goals, and you live your life according to those goals (maybe ideally with somebody whose goals are similarly aligned), you should feel fulfillment. If no goals come to mind, or your near term goals are lacking in fulfillment, seek counsel in your therapist.

I feel the same way, I don't even have a partner to share anything with. Honestly, when I go on dates. I almost feel so much apathy for dating. It just makes it harder. Almost like ground hog day. Same conversations every time.

I booked some solo trips and got my passport a few weeks back. I want to start traveling and making more of my time off. Try and get out of my rut.

For me it’s simple, I tell myself that life as no meaning so to be honest I have no idea of how it can or cannot be wasted. In the mean time I make sure my daughter got everything she needs and I am curious to what will be his answer to that questions and others.

You aren’t the only one suffering from this. But you are the only one that can do something about it for yourself.

A point of view that stems from a more pessimistic starting point; my life has no inherent value. If I do nothing with it it's not a net loss, it's a net even. ANYTHING you get out of life is a fundamental increase in value. If you derive a small amount of pleasure from reading a book or eating a bowl of icecream you have wasted nothing, you have gained a little bit of joy.

Start small. That’s the biggest thing when it comes to productivity and feeling like you aren’t wasting your life. People are generally too ambitious and will over commit at the beginning without building a foundation. “People will overestimate what they can do in a year and underestimate what they can do in a decade”. I don’t know who said it and frankly I don’t care enough to look it up but it’s one of the quotes I live by. A little bit of productivity in many areas of your life over time will ALWAYS outshine the grind set mentality for only a week.

At the end of the day, you’re in control of your life. Nobody else is. If you are trying to do something to not feel like you’re wasting your life it has to be something you want to so. It can be a skill or hobby or passion you want to develop. Whatever it is, just do it right and take pride in your progression and growth. It’s a mindset shift that I’ve tried to adopt in which you take full responsibility for what you want to get out of life.

Questions to ask yourself: what do you want? Do you simply not want to feel depressed/unmotivated or is it a symptom of something larger, that you feel this way because of xyz? Once you can set a clear, concrete goal that can be broken up into bite sized goals with measurable daily, weekly and monthly progress things will look up since it comes back to you.

A little background, I’m a professional athlete and full time student. I honestly feel like I’ve been depressed for years and deal with anxiety about everything I can’t control. All the bits of advice I wrote are things that I actively do for myself that have made positive differences in continual progression, which helps me manage the constant feeling that I’m not doing enough or that I’m wasting my life. Hope this helps, feel free to dm if you want more advice

Begin an adventure learning all sorts of information. History. Science. Become a student of humanity. There's this particular thing where as you mentally navigate through history you recognize that you could have been anyone anywhere. You could have been Jewish in 1930's Europe. You could have been taken as an Aztec sacrifice. A lowly farmer just trying to get by and be left alone.

Eventually you have enough knowledge to have this picture of how we got here. How we stand on the shoulders of our ancestors, and yet almost all people just tried to get by same as you and I.

How the hell did we build the skyscrapers? Where does all the poop in a city go and how ( I mean its a lot). How in the flying fuck did we actually get people on the fucking moon? How did we ever decide its reasonable to run wires everywhere and use electricity for freaking everything.

There's something so very healthy that comes with this curiosity. You sort of feel like you become one with humanity. You don't have to be an investment banker or navy seal to be on this ride.

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I look back, realise that I'm still young, ~20ish and that even if I'm not going somewhere I know of or have certainty in, I have to take the steps to go where I want. Regarding your lack of enjoyment in things (Anhedonia), it's a waiting game, at least for me, because I can't enjoy what I used to, but I know I did at some point, so I make sure to keep my physical health at baseline, 3 or 2 meals, especially if I haven't eaten all day and I'm still not hungry, medication if I'm on any, water when thirsty, go out if I have obligations/responsibilities, and your physical health will be a safety net for when you mental health dips, Also, go into rabbit holes, learn something new about a creative art like photography's rule of thirds or how a Camera works, they can change how something looks in life sometimes, and if you want to sleep all day, so be it, sleep, Eat and fulfill obligations.

Someone else mentioned taking leisure as a good thing at times, If you have no obligations to fulfil; like work, Understand that leisure IS now the new obligation. Like on a weekend where you have nothing to do, treat enjoyment as a task to complete, because if you're struggling to do so, it is a task now. sometimes taking a day to enjoy your day is something that's difficult, and therefore, should be a objective to be proud of, personally, I've had that and so have mental health professionals I've talked to.

I'm also spontaneous, so a 2hr train ride by myself or with a friend that has planning from the night before just to get food is sometimes pretty fun.

Btw, not a professional, but keep practising mindfulness, or other DBT skills, or just check out DBT, it's useful for day to day stuff and not specifically for a certain diagnosis. If you're trying to change perspective, keep learning and practice techniques and skills, think in extremes then another extreme then contrast the two and think of the juxtaposition between each and find the middle ground... For an extreme format of perspective shifting, but don't get lost in the sauce of things.

Additional notes about anxiety (TW?), I'm kinda extreme, so I did exposure therapy on my own, or negative mindsets to understand that anxiety is pointless to think about if everyone is thinking the same thing, but it can go deep and dark if you're not careful.

What helps me is ensuring that I'm fulfilling various facets of my life, for example;

Income - a satisfying and fulfilling job

Mind - meditation

Body - gym

Hobbies - rowing

Self development - part-time degree and learning Spanish

Socialising - volunteering group, seeing friends and family

Try and find something you like that ticks each of the above boxes. I also try and get a 10 minute walk out in nature most days, I feel like it really makes a difference.

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"We can do whatever we want, nothing matters."

My philosophy is that experiencing life is the whole point. You cant "waste" it by doing one thing rather than the other. Nothing has inherent value over anything else. What you can do is waste time doing things that dont make you feel good.

This often leads to people thinking they should do nothing but leisure activities, like you brought up. But you already see the flaw in that. We live in human bodies that are programmed to desire purpose and usefullness to the community. Avoiding that to chase leisure 24/7 (and becoming rich enough for that lifestyle) is the source of people feeling like they are wasting their life imo.

But that's just like my opinion, man. I would recommend you sit down and write out what exactly your brain wants you to do and why. What type of person or goal would you be interested in working towards? Not one that society perscribes (aka: degree, family, kids, highest paying job possible, retire, die) but something that provokes a real emotional reaction. Listing out the responsibilities you mentioned avoiding and examining those would be a good start. Listen to what your emotions are guiding you towards.

Easy example from me: Had 8 years in the military and would have pension if I stayed another 12. Extremely easy job, but felt like shit the whole time. The advice from everyone around me was to just stick it out because the job had great benefits and retirement. Instead I quit and went from a highly valued job to delivering pizzas. Almost the exact opposite of what US culture would advise. But I hadnt felt better mentally since middle school.

That kind of planning can be hard in the middle of depression, so you may need to focus on eliminating stressors first. I had a huge personality shift and change in desires after I got out of my depression and stopped suppressing emotions.

Hey! 24 people here

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Exercise helps me a lot with this. Running mostly and some push ups/sit ups/ pull ups / bar dips

For me I find it easier to work through mental tasks while occupying myself body and mind in intense labor like this.

It also is scientifically proven to reduce stress hormones in your body which are directly linked to anxiety and depression

Also also, you’ll look and feel better all the time and so constantly have just a little more confidence

Also also also, if absolutely nothing else is going well for you and you still stay disciplined and follow your exercise plan there is always that “at least I did this” mentality. And since most people dont work out at all any amount means you’re putting more effort in to at least this one thing than most people.

And sometimes depending on where one is in life that small thing could be making that appointment they’ve been putting off. Or just getting up and taking a shower. Cleaning part of your apartment/room, etc.

You are not alone, OP But here is a virtual hug 🫂 Life got a little hard lately There is nothing called wasting my life You need to work on all your life situations that are causing you to be miserable. Why do you feel you wasting your life ( analyzing what kind of mental distortions leading to this) I had the same kinda thinking what my therapist called balck and white thinking which made me a perfectionist and having unrealistic life standard on my self 🤔

Remembering that I am ill and doing my best every day. Some days are just harder, that’s all.

If you had another chronic disease (pick one) and you couldn’t do much, would you be so hard on yourself?

Be kind to yourself and keep trying. There will be victories.

I'm pulling this from John Vervaeke and people like him.

People need a meaning in their lives. The things people find that are most meaningful are things which matter to the person, but also things to which the person matters. That's why having kids is so often a meaningful thing. They're super important to you, but you're literally everything to them. (Not to say you should have kids or whatnot, just an example)

So you've gotta figure out how to add meaning to your life. What do you care about? Think it's awful that families can't put food on the table? Start volunteering at food banks or soliciting donations for them, work yourself into an important position at an organization that helps with the problem. You'll probably find that meaningful.

Think it's a shame that a lot of kids don't have a proper role model? Become a big brother / big sister and make a difference for a kid like that.

Nobody can really tell you what you'll find meaning from, but the formula is pretty simple. Find something that matters to you. Make yourself matter to that thing.

Wow amazing Summarize it for him very well

You are a self-help book, self-help gurus, and the toxic generation of toxic productivity. You are doing it wrong bro every one selling something that makes us feel like we inadequate they got to me. Hopefully, they didn't get to you 🤔

What's a waste? Life is meaningless and nothing you fo will ever matter, so what's a waste? What's not a waste? Who cares, just enjoy each moment.

I understand OP, not too long ago I was in similar shoes so here is some wisdom I picked up along the way.

First and foremost, Action is the antidote to anxiety. The action doesn’t matter, whatever you choose helps/works to some degree no matter how easy or how hard. Getting out of your comfort zone is key for change, our comfort zones got us to where we are.

Leisure time indeed is a great thing, but it’s got to be in some balance between action and rest. If you are using leisure time in place of anything YOU think should or needs to be done (unimportant or important doesn’t matter), you likely will feel that slow growing guilt type feeling which #1 ruins/takes away a lot of the actual leisure out of the leisure time #2 puts you in worse of a mood than normal which in turn negatively changes your perspective of everything you see while in that mood/feeling to be through a little more of a pessimistic lens. How could it possibly ever help anyone to perceive their own reality more negatively than just our normal perspective, let alone our optimistic self?

WE SUFFER MORE IN OUR OWN IMAGINATION THAN IN REALITY.

TALK TO YOURSELF THE WAY YOU WOULD TALK TO YOUR BEST FRIEND. Negative self thoughts/talk does a lot more harm than good. Don’t disadvantage yourself.

YOUR own perspective is everything, NO ONE ELSE’s should contribute to your happiness or unhappiness. There is no life time stamp YOU have to get anything done regardless of what societal norm seems to you. It’s your life, live it on your own terms.

ABSOLUTELY NOBODY IS COMING TO SAVE US AND DO ALL OF OUR HARD WORK FOR US. If we don’t do our own shit, nothing will ever get done. There’s not a superhero or regular human that’s coming to solve your problems, tear down your roadblocks, or take your burdens off of you. So truly the best way to look at it, is do it now or do it later. You choose, just know that usually do it later is more stressful.

LIFE IS A CRUEL TASK MASTER, TASKS WILL NEVER STOP COMING AND YOU NEVER WILL FINISH. This is shitty to know at first, but life is ever changing n at some point come to the realization that you knowing this in itself truly can be used as a good thing. First glance at that line seems stressful, yet at the same time it’s a great way to distress also.

More than likely numbing yourself is contributing to the slow progress of the problem over time. We have feelings for a reason, and we are indeed suppose to feel them. When we numbing in any form, we are blocking out what we should be feeling, which delays the progress. Without numbing yourself, those feelings become so strong THAT YOU ACTUALLY GET SICK ENOUGH TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Numbing delays only yourself from getting what you want. DREAM BIG because truly there isn’t anything out there that cannot be accomplished. With long term consistency and a daily grind, over time that produces very LARGE and unbelievable results. Nothing is off the table.

We are the superior species on this planet, and we are the ONLY SPECIES THAT HAVE THE ABILITY TO THINK ABOUT THINKING! That alone is some powerful information if you dwell on it. Positive thoughts are key because every word out of your mouth or physical action you do all starts with a thought. Thoughts become words. Words become behaviors. Behaviors become habits. Habits over time shape your life outcomes. YOU CAN STEER YOUR OUTCOMES in a direction that FAVORS you through long term consistency of positive habits. Nothing worthwhile happens quickly, just understand that this does take time, and trust your daily process. The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit. However, no fruit can ever be eaten if ya never plant the seed .

" feel like I’m doing anything productive. "

This is a very US mentaility i've found. You don't need to be productive at all times.

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The most important thing is "are you happy?"

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If the answer is yes you are overthinking it, if the answer is no, start digging on what makes you happy.

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There's no such think like "wasting time" unless you are doing something you don't like or love, if you are not having fun.

Want to spend 4h day playing instead of going out? as far as you are having fun, that's fine.

Want to read, study something, etc? do it! just have fun doing it.

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There are moments in time when that doesn't apply, like working hours, studying for a better job etc. But aknowledge those moments as a burden to get somewhere better and move on.

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This may be oversimplifying things but is how do i approach life in general.

What helped me was finding a way to help others. Start small. Consider one of the letter writing groups (The Letter Project, etc). and write a letter to someone suffering once a week. It’s maybe a half hour of time, but you’ll be amazed at the impact for you.

If you’re feeling more motivated over time, maybe volunteer for a couple hours helping first graders in a struggling school or whatever moves you but is a low time commitment. You might have to try a few things to find a good fit.

Also, check out the book The Worry Trick. I found it a little different than the usual anxiety advice.

Good luck friend! I’m rooting for you.

Go to the gym, lift heavy weights, enjoy the feeling of "i feel alive" you get from your muscles

Hunt:. The more consistently you go, the more they will thank you

Hit the gym. endorphins do wonders.

I have wasted my life since finishing highschool or 12th grade in 2018.

Since then i haven't got a any degree then.

Now i am plan to work next 2-3 years because to get citizenship and while i work full Time, i will try to join online programming school/ computer science ap next year February.

I have wasted about last 4 years and 8 months by not having any degree still as a 25 years old male now.

Only thing that keeps me going are watching asian drama after i finish work.

My mentality have been improved since Russian war started and before that i was in home doing nothing for 11 months in 2021.

I started working again in 2022 January because fear of no more Job.

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Yeah it’s hard. There’s no book no stone tablet that says “Jane is destined to do X”.

So you have to make your own path and it’s up to you to use your best judgement about what makes you happy and what you can tolerate.

So the pieces of me idea gives you a bit of a break.

I’ll check it out, thank you!

Love this perspective

What's your day to day life like? Do you have a routine? Do you exercise, within your capability, at all?

As opposed to the top comment here I found that actually listening to the things people say I 'should' do and doing them actually does help. Duh. I felt like an idiot when I started doing those things and feeling better, but that's OK. I've been wrong before and I'll be wrong again. I'm in a similar boat to you and still have things to work on but feel great about life at the moment which can be an overwhelming feeling. It's strange.

What I'd say is work on small things. Routine wise wake up at the same time every day. I'm no scientist but from the studies on the circadian rhythm etc everything shows this will help. Going to bed at a similar time or the same time every night will help but as I said let's start small. Get one thing right and your taking a great step. Ideally a 'normal' time aswell, reasonably similar to what everyone else does. Will put you in a position to do things with others, get a 'normal' job shift wise.

Eat regularly, again something I still struggle with to this day, but it's better recently.

And lastly exercise is wonderful. Now I not going to say go to the gym. Oh geez you won't find me there! But again start small. Can you do one exercise? For one body part. Don't worry about these work out plans, or mega challenges. Start with one exercise, sit ups/push ups/ bicep Curls if you or your husband have weights laying around. Anything. Something you can do to get your blood pumping a little bit. That you can stick to, and make and see progress. This all worked for me though I still have issues waking at the same time. I'm working on it!

I enjoy your post and specifically these two thoughts:

1. Allowing self to enjoy the day can be difficult, so even that as an objective is worthwhile
2. The mental contrast thing. I am for sure a black-and-white thinker but I usually only stay on black or white- and not go to the other side. Even if I can see both sides, the “other” side is out of reach or impossible sounding in my mind. But I read somewhere once that people can either think “everybody hates me” or “everybody loves me” and both are equally delusional and untrue*. And goes to show that extremes aren’t usually reality and don’t serve us very well. Will work on finding the middle ground, the gray area. I like that sentiment. Thank you for the reminder.

• Ps if we’re gonna be delusional at times- may as well believe the positive side and not negative one!

That last bit 🙌

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ACTION: Less game/screen time, be sober more often, literally do any type of anything that requires you to move your body, with effort.

Try to be good at something—a hobby, or being better than your competition. Then get better at it. Youtube it, research it, think of it. Soon you’ll develop ideas around it that you can contribute to make it better. You’re building this amazing thing and getting meaning from it, oh hey! You’re building you!

Good luck, 47.

Don’t gotta sell your soul either, make time to enjoy yourself and company with others you like

The contrast thing is only to stretch your perspectives, it's not about good or bad, it's about understanding other perspectives and the minute shades of grey that you might eventually see. Regarding extremes, it takes time, DBT is Dialectal behavioural therapy, but the more important part is the word: DIALECTAL, because it sums up to two truths, because two things can be true at the same time, someone can be irresponsible and kind, or mad but mean well. This is something that takes time to practice and focus on, it's taking me 3 years, and I'm probably 50% there. And positivity isn't always good, sometimes it's better to see bad and understand that it's bad. If you're always happy, you're in denial or perfect, and I trust neither, but if you're happy and sad at times, that's the only thing that's reasonable. Quick last note. Practice doesn't make perfect. It makes permanence. Remember that till you pass.

This is a good one. I too paralyze sometimes at 33 feeling bad I still havent made progress much compared to others my age (living with my parents, still trying to graduate for college, still havent found a good workplace while trying to get more athletic and hoping to start my own business). Taking small steps help, looking back all those small steps show a complete journey.

This is the way. This is the literal answer to OPs question and it’s an answer that so many people cannot synthesize into words. Your emotions are not YOU. Your thoughts are not YOU and the sooner you learn to recognize this, the more power you have over your life and your outlook on it.

Sorry I know I’m replying to you and you wrote the great post but I wanted to just chime in here and say, this is the way.

OP, Try reading “Master Your Emotions” by Thibaut Meurisse — life changing principles here!

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Take Iboga or Mushrooms to reset mentally

Let me put it to you simply after a two year intense battle with depression, anxiety, fear, etc…all culminating in numerous panic attacks and a handful of dissociative events this last December.

1. There are far more people in the world dealing with anxiety and depression than you’d imagine, the problem is…many can’t or don’t seek help. So don’t let the idea that “everyone else has purpose and everyone else is happy” beat you further.

2. If all or most of your thoughts are negative, stop talking to yourself. Work on quieting down the voice inside, if you’re in a quiet room and it’s still “loud”…then you should benefit from finding ways to find that inner peace or quiet again or the first time. The thoughts within pretty much determine everything, ie; accepting what you can’t control and refocusing on what you can control.

3. Quiet the noise within and then go on a journey of one’s self. What does that mean? Find out what you like, find out what you don’t like. Try painting, try hiking, try video gaming, working out…whatever….dancing, etc, variety is the spice of life. Do you always go to the same restaurants and order the same thing? Do you always go to the grocery store and purchase the same foods to pack and cook?? Break the programming and tap into parts of the life experience you haven’t even considered.

You’d be surprised what a difference, just ordering a new different dish from your favorite take out place can do.

A quote I recently read that really shifted my perspective was “When you reach the mountain top, the only peace you’ll find is the peace you bring”

I wish you health and happiness and the ability to persevere and come out stronger and more resilient.

You have that ability.

Thank you for your wise words. I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with those panic attacks. They are not easy to go through and really can wear you down, I understand 😔 It sounds like you’ve come out on the other side, and I hope that’s true! One thing that really stuck out to me here (and in another comment- so maybe it’s my intuition telling me this is the thing to focus on for me) is the power of novelty. Ordering a new dish, like you said. Funny enough, I DO order the same things wherever I go. And I pretty much live a Groundhog Day everyday. Time to mix things up and spice it up!! In fact, yeah- anytime I do something new like explore local shops I’ve never visited before- it feels like an adventure and marvelous day. Again, thank you.

One thing that helped me was noticing that I affected the people around me. And if I could have a positive effect, then I gained a reason for being more positive about myself.

The opportunities came with minor leadership positions at work, conversations with family and peers, and even making friends with people in my neighborhood (neighbors, store owners, whoever). If I went to the same sandwich shop often and ordered the same thing, it was easy to become recognized as a “regular”, and then it was easier to make small talk.

You have to understand, though, that I planned NONE of this. It just happened organically. But if I could go back twenty years, I’d tell myself to keep doing whatever I was doing because it would work out.

Stop comparing your life to others. Period.

It always helps to have your goals listed in front of you every day. That way you not only think about them but also keep them as reminders of the reason why you are continuing with your hard work. Check this video by Simon Sinek https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMYQJc9qG/

>WHY do I feel like I’m wasting my life? And what would make me feel like I’m NOT wasting my life?

And what were your answers?