None of us know precisely what this life has in store for us! That is part of the beauty and of course the cause for some angst. The key is to keep on bettering yourself, if even just incrementally. This process of betterment is a solo job but eventually someone will either walk into your life or youll get to a place where you’re content either way. I say this as someone who has been in your shoes. Good luck!

So by the the language you use I think I know what the problem is because I had/have the same one. You're living your life for other people and not yourself, you want to get a girlfriend so you're doing the things that people tell you you need to do to get one. But that choice isn't for you it's for them, it's changing yourself into someone you think others will like. But that's not the answer, you're putting the responsibility of your happiness onto other people and as you've seen few will take on that responsibility. The deeper implications of this are that you right now aren't good enough, aren't attractive enough, not smart enough etc. How do you expect to make positive changes when you don't trust the person making the decisions? You need to take responsibility for your happiness yourself. No one will ever care about your happiness as much as you will because you are with yourself every second of every day. So you need to look deep inside and find out what your values are, what is important to you, what makes you happy, and seek out opportunities to grow in those areas. Once you grow in those areas you'll find others who think and feel the same way about stuff, this will lead to friends and partners. And those relationships will be all the more meaningful because these things are a part of YOU, they like you for YOU, which is what we all want. So don't worry about a partner right now they won't fix your problems, that's another deflection of responsibility. Funnily enough the path to change is accepting who you are and your current situation, and taking personal responsibility for it. It's not resigning yourself to always being the same person, it's giving yourself the time and space to try things out and make mistakes and have that be okay. So take care of yourself because self care is self love. Start with the objectively important things if you're looking for a place to start, hygiene is important, physical fitness is important, mental health is important. Then work on finding yourself, find out who that person is and love that person. When you're living the life you have chosen others will see that and respect it, that's what will get you a partner. But more importantly, it'll give you the life you've always wanted

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Well, it seems like you need to take a big step

They say to take things one step at a time. You probably need to make a big shift because your perspective is negative. You need to shift into positive

I know how you feel. Before I met my now-fiancé, I didn’t know how to live for myself in any meaningful way, and now that she is part of my life, I am learning so much about how to not only care for myself, but also for her, as well as the friendships I’ve made along the way. I’ve struggled with maintaining relationships of any kind, so now that I have some social stability, it feels odd to now have the capacity to work on myself.

Ultimately, the best advice I can give is to build relationships that will make you happy and fulfill you, as well as motivate you to grow. those can be of any kind: family, friends, sexual, romantic, etc. It is so much harder to better yourself when you’re alone and don’t have anyone on your side. No man is an island, as the saying goes. We are fundamentally a social species, which is why even the most anti-social of us still tend to go a little nutty when we isolate for too long. Self-care is good, and highly encouraged, but not the only piece of the puzzle. Learn how to talk and relate to people and be comfortable around them, and you will find your tribe.

I realize too that that’s an issue in itself. “Go make more friends” isn’t particularly helpful if you already struggle to do so, or if your potential social circle is limited in size or scope.

I can say for certain though, that a girlfriend (or even getting laid constantly) will not solve all your problems, nor will working out (can speak from experience on both of those). The biggest boost to my confidence has been:

1. Medication. Seriously. I struggled with emotional regulation for a long time until I found the right cocktail that worked for me. There is no shame in relying on something that helps you heal, so you can be a better version of you. Think of it like having a broken leg. You need a crutch or a wheelchair to get around while your body heals. Medication is the exact same fucking thing when it comes to the mind and emotions. Don’t let anyone shame you into thinking otherwise. If you do decide to go down this path, keep an eye on how emotionally stable you feel day to day, and maintain a good line of communication with your psychiatrist. You don’t necessarily have to see a therapist on top of that, especially if money is tight but…

2. Build a social circle that is supportive and encouraging. Kinda looping back to my original post. Good friends you can talk to about what you’re going through, that will listen and relate rather than judge.

3. Lose your ego, or at least learn to tamp it down. That’s not a personal attack, but a general statement. Nothing inhibits your ability to adapt and grow than thinking you’re perfect; or, alternatively, bemoaning your lot in life and you don’t deserve the hand you’ve been dealt. Both are a sign of an over inflated ego. Yes, everyone starts life on a different level. Some are born rich, some are poor. Some are born with good looks, some are almost totally physically unattractive. Some are socially savvy, others are social dunces. The more you brag or whine about what you do or don’t have, the less likely you’ll attract anyone, let alone the potential love of your life, and the less you’ll grow. Ultimately, if you want to live the life of your dreams, you need to be able to adapt to whatever comes, leverage your strengths, and develop the skills you are otherwise weak at. The ego must take a back seat if you are to take an objective look at yourself to see what your strengths and weaknesses are.