i understand what you mean but I think running non stop is what's keeping me sane. If I wanted I could just work my 9-5 and be fine financially, but that's just not who I am.

I wasted a lot of time partying in my early adulthood but also developed an entrepenuriel spirit. I wound up self employed in my mid 20's until my life reset from an extremely nasty breakup involving being lied to and left for another man. This was my second serious relationship to fall apart in this way and it did some real damage to me mentally.

to be honest it created serious emotional damage, to the point that I've been single for 10 years now. I'm incapable of connecting with anyone beyond superficial levels and at this point I've just kind of accepted I'll have to get by with casual flings that burn out from here on. I honestly don't see a wife and kids in the cards for me anymore despite being something I'd like to have.

Anyway, I used this life reset to change something: I always regretted not going to college and I decided I might as well make something good out of everything, so I signed up to college and got a "real job" to aliviate all the stress of being a 1 man army while in school. Thing is I was used to it and never fully stopped so over time I just kind of naturally built the entrepenure thing back up into a decent chunk of additional income.

Then the mom thing happened.

I don't have a girlfriend or wife, no kids, and frankly I'm already an emotional mess. I realized I think I kept doing the entrepenure thing because I can't tolerate more than 4-5 hours without being focused on something or else I start focusing on all the bad. Keeping myself going keeps the bad out, so I guess that's what I do.

Not to say this is something I'm strategically doing, but I notice I like to keep myself busy and the times I don't I start going into a pretty negative place.