DanielGrande1 t1_j8o9hbc wrote
Hey Lucille!
My question is: is it really necessary to check in for 30 days with an exile after unburdoning?
I struggle with it because a lot of the 'talking with parts' doesnt happen in my system. They barely talk, so its hard to even know which part is which. I often cry and it feels healing, but Im often unsure if it was an exile or maybe a stressed out manager that was crying. Sometimes I dont even know why im crying, I just feel grief without a clear reason. So I dont even see how I could check back in with the part in that case.
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kind regards,
Daniël
LucilleAaronWayne OP t1_j8oi5ni wrote
Hi Daniël,
No, it's not necessarily necessary, and I discourage any outside expectation like that. Instead, I recommend centering the Exile and (if possible at the end of the unburdening session) asking the Exile itself two things:
- Does it have any requests of you between now and the next time you visit non-ordinary reality, the dimension where parts reside? (whether in solo IFS or a classic IFS session with a therapist)
- Does it want to pick a way to signal to you when it wants your attention? This can be physiological (like sending you chills), sending you a particular image, an impulse (like "scratch your chin") etcetera. This gives the part a direct line to you in regular life.
We always want to center our own unique system and what our own parts need and desire.
BTW if the part has a request, you don't have to say yes. It's another chance for authentic connection. If the request will be impossible or too hard, you can explain that, and see if the part has alternative ideas or a compromise.
About the crying -
It's not always necessary to know why you're crying. Psyche is beautifully mysterious and we can respect and honor that mystery without needing to know exactly what's going on. It all depends on what feels right to you.
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