A man and his girlfriend died in a car accident and meets Peter at the Pearly Gates

Submitted by LordFarhaams t3_11pcw1k in Jokes

Peter says, "Welcome to Heaven, do you have any questions?"

To which the man replies, "Yes, my girlfriend and I never had a chance to get married while we were alive. Can we get married in Heaven?"

Peter says, "That's a good question, I will be back when I have the answer."

Left at the gates, the couple begins to talk about love and how long eternity is.

6 weeks later, Peter returns and says, "OK, I've found your answer. Yes, you can get married in Heaven. So come right in and enjoy eternity together."

The couple responds by saying, "We have another question. Eternity is a very long time and we are not sure if our relationship will last. If things don't work out, can we get a divorce in Heaven?"

To which Peter replies, "Jesus Christ! It took me 6 weeks to find a priest up here, do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?!"

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Comments

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nartziss t1_jbx61n1 wrote

Oh number 345, I tell this one a lot too, it is good.

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loosererun t1_jbx6ksq wrote

A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven.

‟There must be some mistake,” the lawyer argues. ‟I am too young to die. I am only fifty five!”

‟Fifty five?” says Saint Peter. ‟No, according to our calculations, you are eighty two.”

‟How’d you get that?” the lawyer asks.

St. Peter says, ‟We added up your time sheets.”

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pra_com001 t1_jbxatcs wrote

This joke will be reposted till eternity.

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Fortapistone t1_jbxil3o wrote

This was one of the best joke ever. Because the most priest and lawyer are now in hell 🤣

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peter_the_martian t1_jbxlith wrote

Lol. Didn’t know they kept track of time in Heaven! Good to know. I wonder if they validate parking.

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ronniecalberta t1_jbxlkh2 wrote

Unlikely St. Peter would use the Lord’s name in vain. Ruins the joke.

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kanna172014 t1_jbxnmd7 wrote

Why not just let them into Heaven and get them situated first?

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Glorx t1_jbxqoez wrote

Jesus Christ had twelve apostles. Saint Peter was not the brightest of the lot. If he had used his brain, he would have married the couple on the spot.

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DerRaumdenker t1_jbxsxfb wrote

What do you call a priest who's also a lawyer?

Father in law

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Agnosticfrontbum t1_jbxxana wrote

I just bought a new book on herpetology called Snakes, Lawyers and Other Reptiles.

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MagentaKevin t1_jby875k wrote

Replying to DidntWantSleepAnyway (#2,213,901)

My personal favourite is:

A man is being interviewed at a police station. A man leans forward and says "I'm not saying anything without my lawyer present". The police officer, confused, replies "but you are the lawyer" and the lawyer says "yeah...so where's my present?"

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MagentaKevin t1_jby8yy0 wrote

Replying to ronniecalberta (#2,214,132)

You're joking right? St Peter did everything right on earth, so much so that he was canonised and God repaid him by making him the only person in heaven to have a stressful, permanent, full-time job. I'd be cursing him every which way if I were him!!

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deepkick120 t1_jbyavza wrote

Replying to Tempuran-San (#2,215,106)

The lawyer’s getting paid for hours worked, but he’s recording way more hours on his timesheet than he actually worked. The lawyer’s seriously overcharging his clients - because the joke’s that lawyers suck

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mr_spaceton_ t1_jbyecxo wrote

I honestly thought this was peter griffin at first

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Redd1tored1tor t1_jbyk3h2 wrote

*A man and his girlfriend die in a car accident and meet Peter at the Pearly Gates.

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Shaabloips t1_jbymlik wrote

Why is Jesus trying to get married??

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RonMcVO t1_jbynakw wrote

Okay this is one of the best ones I've seen on this sub. Just ran into the other room to tell the wife. Good one.

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EduArt_Paper t1_jbywed1 wrote

Haha, that's a great punchline! I guess divorce is not an option in Heaven after all.

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lasssilver t1_jbyysks wrote

Replying to nartziss (#2,213,508)

Do you?.. do you tell it too? Or are you pretending you’ve heard it so often that you’ve labeled it 345. Which is assuming you have 344 other lawyer jokes off the top of your head.

whips out cigarette I don’t believe you.

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manualshifting t1_jbzuqyx wrote

I like this one! I think I'll tell it IRL at some point.

One small change that I would make, though. Right at the punch line, where Saint Peter says "Jesus Christ!" I think I'll change that to this.

Then Peter said, "Oh, for my sake! It took me six weeks to find a priest up in here. Do you know how long it will take to find a lawyer?"

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Adventurous_Ask_9098 t1_jc01m70 wrote

LordFarhams need to join them too, perhaps they can do a better job of teaching him English.

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Vch3forever t1_jc0n959 wrote

Thank you for being so sweet. This is adorable.

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WildBoy-72 t1_jc10ti6 wrote

He ain't findin no damn lawyer up there

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Huge_Name1866 t1_jc11vml wrote

What do you call a lawyer who goes to heaven? Nonexistent being.

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justheretospoiljokes t1_jc1592y wrote

Replying to ka-pow-pow (#2,217,226)

You say that like some sort of gotcha. As though the people who profess their faith don’t know that, by definition, faith in something can’t be proven. It doesn’t make them look stupid; it just makes you look like an asshole.

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Plastic_Ad_7733 t1_jc20m2q wrote

Well if peter wants to find a lawyer he should just pop down to hell.

1