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fairlyPertain t1_jdgsxs5 wrote

A husband and wife joke where the punchline is not infidelity?Blasphemous!

378

yParticle t1_jdgttdp wrote

So which one of them was the minor? Or did you misspell miner?

−21

peter_the_martian t1_jdhdd2c wrote

My schizophrenic husband got in a car accident trying to give himself road head. He hit a tree thinking he was a contortionist

−10

BaltimoreBadger23 t1_jdheuot wrote

Similar thing happens to my wife, and as much as she insisted the guy she hit was drunk, the police insisted that he's allowed to be inside the bar she drove through.

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SpiralSuitcase t1_jdhgonp wrote

Being on the phone and drinking a coke would be a lousy defense anyways...

1

radoteux t1_jdhj6bf wrote

Minor accident driving through walls?

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FlashpointJ24 t1_jdhm9ai wrote

>I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There is water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

--Henny Youngman

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JukePlz t1_jdhmn5c wrote

Replying to theprofessa808 (#2,334,578)

there's no mentions of cars or driving tho. I think it's just a joke about marital violence, since "accident" is ambiguous

edit: Why the fuck am I getting downvoted? You people see CAR written there?

−8

SpiralSuitcase t1_jdhogm1 wrote

Replying to Gil-Gandel (#2,335,001)

Your casual misogyny is not the point. The joke only works if at first her excuse seems reasonable, and then the punchline turns it around and MAKES it unreasonable. Otherwise there's no subversion and no joke.

Somebody else already commented it, but it works better if she tries to claim he was drunk. A drunk person could conceivably stumble in front of your car, and it wouldn't legally be your fault if you hit them. Then the punchline actually changes things.

−1

[deleted] t1_jdhse14 wrote

I once ran over a glass milk bottle and wrecked my tyres.

The silly fucker had it hidden under their coat.

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ZaphodBeeblebrox2019 t1_jdhx88h wrote

Oddly enough a Cop and his Chief in my State, recently got into trouble for arresting a Woman for being Drunk in her own Home, after someone else crashed his Car into a Bush on her Property …

Steve Lehto covered it on his YouTube Channel:

https://youtu.be/ANY21q8lr78

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Past_Love2715 t1_jdhxu88 wrote

My wife got a ticket for running into a policeman…in a traffic copter!

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AcousticBob t1_jdhz325 wrote

Minor accident? Thought you were gonna say she ran over a teenager!

2

dxkds t1_jdi7u54 wrote

So am I mistaken or is everyone else wrong. The accident that she got in was with a homeless man. So in his defense he can do whatever he wants in his living room.

1

leyline t1_jdia7gs wrote

Replying to dxkds (#2,337,408)

He didn't have to be homeless.

The humor is the expectation that the man would be at fault for the car accident because being on the phone AND drinking at the same time is very dangerous [while driving].

However expectations are subverted when it is revealed that the wife hit the man in his own living room. Actual living room, in a home. Therefore the man was not being dangerous, did not cause the accident, and above that it is wild that the woman drove through someone's house and hit them in their own living room.

3

[deleted] t1_jdifknn wrote

I read this as my wife was a minor by accident... I need help

19

Sapphire580 t1_jdihheg wrote

Why say Coke? Why not say beer or something that would be illegal to do while driving.

3

SnakePlisken_Trash t1_jdinywy wrote

I had suspicions that my wife might be cheating. I work almost 50 miles away. So, one day I went home around lunch and parked down the street and walked to my house to see if I could catch her. Wouldn't you know it, there was another strange car in my driveway. As I got to the corner of property I snuck up and hid behind my boat. I could see it looked like she was making out with someone in my living room and to make sure they didn't see squatted down behind my boat transom. Looked like they were taking each other's clothes off..... OMG ! That's when my heart sank and I realized all my suspicions were true, there was gear oil directly under the prop on the concrete. That's why I've been losing power on those really long runs. and having trouble getting reverse. Time for all new seals let's hope she don't need a new lower unit.

1

1TenDesigns t1_jdj2fxm wrote

Replying to firebolt_wt (#2,334,142)

My Dad is 80. He still has a landline, but last summer he told us kids to use his cell as the default now. I think he's getting rid of it this year.

My Mom is 78, and broke. She uses the landline because it's cheaper. My brother and I talked at Christmas about just putting her on one of our plans instead. Unlimited talk and text plus shared data for like 20 bux more a month. She pays 25ish for very limited minutes.

3

EvitaPuppy t1_jdj8xys wrote

I believe his exact words were... 'This is my own private domicile and I will not be harrased....'

1

BlindUmpBob t1_jdjx041 wrote

I asked my wife how whe got the car in the living. She said she took a left at the kitchen.

2

eatenbyalion t1_jdjy0lc wrote

He shouldn't have rear-ended her. Then again, he has no requirement to wear pants and sit normally in his living room.

1

mojojojojo369 t1_jdkhbck wrote

My wife hit some kids who were jay walking…

with a baseball bat

1

RoLaAus t1_jdl8mca wrote

I just woke-up from the worse hangover in my life, I got totally wasted last night at the local bar. On a side note, whoever drove my truck home owes me a mailbox.

1

Few_Ear_1346 t1_jdlkbvy wrote

Replying to Luked0g44O (#2,342,530)

2 twin sisters are given identical VW bugs for graduating from high school. They each drive to the mall the next day to show their friends their new car. One of them starts crying and yells to her sister, "OH my God, my engine has been stolen! ". To witch, her sister replies, "Don't worry, there's a spare in the trunk. ".

3

Drkindlycountryquack t1_jdo0wbv wrote

We have a landline so my wife can call her cell to find it and so we can get our share of spam calls.

1