Ivan had just been conscripted to fight in Ukraine. As part of his basic training he had to participate in a war game. The day of the war game, Ivan realised he had misplaced his rifle, so he went to his Lieutenant: “ Lieutenant, I lost my rifle. What am I going to use for the war games?” “I don’t have time to deal with this right now” the lieutenant thought. He grabbed a broom and handed it to the conscript: “Here use this instead.”

“How is this going to work?” “When you see the bad guys coming at you, just point it at them and say ‘Bangity Bang Bang’”.

So Ivan ran out with his new “rifle”. But soon he came running back to the Lieutenant saying “Lieutenant, I can’t find my bayonet!” The Lieutenant grabbed a pencil off his desk and gave it the conscript: “When you see the bad guys coming just hold this up and say ‘Stabity Stab Stab.’”

Thus Ivan was all ready for his war games. He was sitting in his fox hole minding his own business when suddenly half the entire opposing force came over the hill marching right on his position. Every other conscript near him ran away in fear, but Ivan was ready. He grabbed his broom, pointed it at the bad guys and said “Bangity Bang Bang Bangity Bang Bang” and half of them fell down. “Wow this really works” thought Ivan: “Let me try my bayonet.” So he held up his pencil and said “Stabity Stab Stab Stabity Stab Stab” and the rest of the bad guys fell down.

Emboldened, Ivan started charging through the mock-battlefield, shouting “Bangity bang-bang” and occasionally “Stabbity-stab-stab”, until eventually he realized he’s the last man standing.

Ivan was feeling pretty proud of himself until another soldier rounded a corner and started walking toward him. Slowly. Stiffly. Menacingly. Ivan took aim with his stick and shouted, “Bangity-bang-bang!” But the other soldier didn’t go down this time. He kept approaching, arms stiff at his sides, boots stomping aggressively into the ground. Ivan began to sweat. He cleared his throat, adjusted his grip on his stick and hollered: Bangity bang-bang!” But nothing happened. The other soldier kept marching toward him. Ivan started panicking. He pretended to reload his stick and desperately cried out, “Bangity bang-bang! Bangity bang-bang! Stabbity stab-stab!” But to his dismay, nothing worked. Finally the other soldier reached him, knocked him over and trampled all over him. Ivan, seriously hurt, was laying in a heap on the ground and asked himself what he did wrong this time. Then he heard the big guy mumbling “Tankity Tank Tank Tankity Tank Tank.”