Submitted by Brewer1056 t3_zvcw2t in Jokes
You can be loud if you want, make a mess, your spouse isn't there....
Comments
FakeNamePleaseIgnore t1_j1ojrc4 wrote
Anyone else get redirected to a different subreddit every time?
Brewer1056 OP t1_j1omd41 wrote
Ha! Fixed with an edit.
PotatoWithAVendetta t1_j1ow8pr wrote
yeah what’s up with that
young_morpheus t1_j1ozjrh wrote
It’s r/random
Romthirty t1_j1p44vc wrote
I hate when my wife looks and me straight in the eyes when I’m making love. Next time I’ll close the window on her.
Unafraid_NFS t1_j1p7bl6 wrote
True
yParticle t1_j1p7z3g wrote
Nice one.
TnBluesman t1_j1pk71d wrote
A buddy asked me one day if I talk to my wife during sex. I said "No, but I could. The hotel has a phone right next to the bed. "
Fortapistone t1_j1psoge wrote
Maybe you should buy a new bed? But new environment is also exciting, that's why.
Important_Dentist_78 t1_j1pxlqp wrote
Room service can clean the mess
ExplorerTotal8449 t1_j1q65bf wrote
Cant access
[deleted] t1_j1q67h6 wrote
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thetrevorkian t1_j1q75lu wrote
Because you can disrespect the room.
Sure you can disrespect your own room but then you have to clean up that disrespect later.
[deleted] t1_j1q7iuk wrote
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SMOKIN_0AKEE t1_j1qbhgi wrote
We have a house full of kids. So it let's us relax and be loud. She doesn't worry about kids hearing or knocking on the door etc.
SMOKIN_0AKEE t1_j1qbmju wrote
If she's a squirter, the prep to save the mattress is real
Lattethecoffeaddict t1_j1qc961 wrote
Wtf is r/random and why is it banned?
sycron17 t1_j1qchlm wrote
Told my wife, if they catch us (hopefully never) we will act like we playing Football and call formations.
Plenty_Rule968 t1_j1qd911 wrote
A hotel room is more cozy for having long night sex
SMOKIN_0AKEE t1_j1qdaiw wrote
I told her they'll learn to stay in bed.
[deleted] t1_j1qdn24 wrote
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SMOKIN_0AKEE t1_j1qep92 wrote
The blood and motor oil is a bitch
Top-Associate-6576 t1_j1qequm wrote
Because it is with a hooker
OG_Panthers_Fan t1_j1qh0nr wrote
Get a waterproof mattress cover.
No amount of towels or blankets is enough to protect the mattress completely.
Waterproof sex blankets can get moved aside in the midst of the action.
But make sure you wash or replace the cover before you have anyone help you move. Those stains are unmistakable.
xlmarinexl t1_j1qkssy wrote
Bc I’m paying for it. The room and the sex that is. 😉
Spence1239 t1_j1qlddh wrote
Spouse isn’t there…that was gonna be my answer.
LadenifferJadaniston t1_j1qqq0c wrote
Please do take precautions, this can be very traumatic for children to witness
SMOKIN_0AKEE t1_j1qr9rl wrote
My kids are 9-17 yrs old. They think it's funny to unlock the door. That's on them
LadenifferJadaniston t1_j1qrsgg wrote
Alright, that’s fair
TigerUppercut08 t1_j1qvbz9 wrote
You don't have to clean up the mess
dan_santhems t1_j1qvuv0 wrote
"During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel." - Rodney Dangerfield
[deleted] t1_j1qwo7r wrote
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EnvironmentalDeal256 t1_j1qwrjl wrote
Random:
adjective 1. made, done, happening, or chosen without method or conscious decision.
I don’t know why it’s banned.
Lattethecoffeaddict t1_j1qx0mw wrote
...
Take my goddamn upvote and get out
wistfulmaiden t1_j1qz3e4 wrote
Cause you like scabies?
AttackCircus t1_j1qzmim wrote
The only dirty thing at home is the kitchen
CapeMOGuy t1_j1r1gdx wrote
Never use fabric softener when washing anything that is waterproof. It has petroleum-derived ingredients that will strip away the waterproofing.
slibetah t1_j1r1prf wrote
Cuz the ho never tells
[deleted] t1_j1r3eum wrote
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Logical-Schedule2371 t1_j1r45jb wrote
Because my neighbors won't call the cops from me being loud and getting choked. Married men sometimes don't know how to rail their wife nicely
Immediate-House7567 t1_j1r65qe wrote
You can go hog wild in there
Street-Week6744 t1_j1r8ibv wrote
Punchline also works for why the beer at the bar goes down so much better
Dany_HH t1_j1rbfpa wrote
Why us everyone here giving actual answers? It was a joke...
Zeezie_ t1_j1rcns8 wrote
Stolen from Jimmy Carr
useless292 t1_j1rflou wrote
This is why I'd have my wife have sex with her boyfriend at a hotel. More peaceful nights and sleeping hours for me.
howyadoons t1_j1ri0bm wrote
Bc you can jizz everywhere and anywhere without a care in the world
Brewer1056 OP t1_j1rksyp wrote
For fuck's sake. I didn't claim to write it. A buddy told me a few jokes the other day, I thought they were funny and posted them. Turns out my buddy did indeed see a Jimmy Carr special and then told me the jokes. I don't think "stolen" means what you think it does.
Dear Jimmy Car- you're jokes are funny as shit, and people ar retelling them. Hopefully that makes you happy!
SnowseaGames t1_j1rlpw7 wrote
Nobody cares where it came from
biglarry1954 t1_j1rmvoo wrote
When you are Fucking Another Man’s wife the best
ChickenKickin t1_j1rncxr wrote
Almost feels like you're in public
Zeezie_ t1_j1rokcr wrote
It appears I hit a nerve lol. I didn't mean to sound like a cunt, I was just pointing out that it was a joke from Jimmy Carr
isa_bellinhazuzu t1_j1rq0ui wrote
Idk but here in Brazil we have one kind of hotel specifically for sex. You pay to stay the night, the room have all the equipments, it's really cool hahaha
VivaLasVegasGuy t1_j1rr8v3 wrote
Because it feels "Dirty" that you are doing something forbidden. Where you could roleplay about picking up a stranger and having a wild time with them
CautiousTeam3220 t1_j1rrr5o wrote
You can nut in the curtains without hesitation
IIISqualoIII t1_j1rs3bk wrote
It’s called “motel”
isa_bellinhazuzu t1_j1rsqj5 wrote
Yes kkkkk I know the name I'm Brasilian
jdj77777 t1_j1rsqr9 wrote
Because you fuck shit up and not clean it up
[deleted] t1_j1rt1l3 wrote
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TrustMeImShore t1_j1rv0az wrote
"We're trying to get you a little brother, leave us alone."
[deleted] t1_j1rxoqy wrote
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thetrevorkian t1_j1s0ptg wrote
Yea it made me think of that Tom segura joke about disrespecting hotel rooms! Lol
SaltoDaKid t1_j1s11tz wrote
Can leave anytime, where at home my wife want cuddle and talk about nonsense like why am I always leaving late at night
Insanityisnotcrazy t1_j1s5zt6 wrote
It works best only if the hotel room has an hourly rate.
Icy-Entertainer-7976 t1_j1s9dg6 wrote
You don't have to clean up afterwards.
Deadly-C4T69420 t1_j1saihy wrote
This joke is so good its like he's cheating
FeeDisastrous3879 t1_j1sbhis wrote
All the spunk and gushing covered comforters and headboards contain pheromones that heighten the experience
onegoodmug t1_j1sbzks wrote
Anytime I change the sheets: “I should call her”
Clutch_Floyd t1_j1sf3ng wrote
Endless supply of fresh towels to clean up.
Tola76 t1_j1sg5va wrote
It’s the whores of mattress past.
King_Neptune07 t1_j1sh9b8 wrote
Ayy no respect
ReasonablePanda3 t1_j1shu9l wrote
Because when it's over, the hooker leaves and the food delivery arrives.
utku1989 t1_j1slf3g wrote
Staying hotel make you both feel like a boss . You know others prepared the room , they will clean after whatever you do.
tipseep t1_j1sn5bq wrote
Because it’s with my mom
TheBlackArrows t1_j1t01st wrote
This punchline could be so much simpler. You nailed it.
Spiritual-Meat-2309 t1_j1tfsz5 wrote
We are horrible people, trying to help out other horrible people
tdfhucvh t1_j1twsvu wrote
This is the weirdest weirdest weirdest thread in the world. The yuckiest folks have all come together. Didn’t know the sub for that would be r/jokes
yParticle t1_j1oiyso wrote
r/ruineditwithanapostrophe