Submitted by TenRingRedux t3_10dtgxh in Jokes
Both were fired on the spot.
Comments
Saule_Pleureur t1_j4n3qlc wrote
The tomato slicer is a person?
enderverse87 t1_j4n3vr9 wrote
It's a variation of an older joke. The implication is that "tomato slicer" is a job position.
pladin517 t1_j4n4ukl wrote
Cucumber slicer worked better when the joke first appeared in 1890.
Kind_Bullfrog_4073 t1_j4n4ymv wrote
the penis and the tomato slicer were fired?
NotStaggy t1_j4n632f wrote
Without this nobody would understand. I Handnt a clue
Buddy2269 t1_j4n64xj wrote
Normally on here as the pickle slicer.
baker8678 t1_j4n68xq wrote
It’s funny that people don’t get it
enderverse87 t1_j4n6vei wrote
Yeah. The phrasing doesn't work as well as the original joke.
>Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
>"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
>"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
>"Oh, Bill, you didn't."
>"Yes, I did."
> "My God, Bill, what happened?"
> "I got fired."
>"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
>"Oh...she got fired too."
HillaryRClinton t1_j4n6zku wrote
Dish washer might work better.
There is no one job of doing nothing but slicing tomatoes.
DeplorableKurt t1_j4n93px wrote
Ooh thank you
Sure-Ad9633 t1_j4n9d97 wrote
Oh god now I can’t get that image out of my head
NoSpankingAllowed t1_j4nc5y1 wrote
Ha! Took me a sec.
ringobob t1_j4ndsru wrote
A few of us have heard this joke before, there's different variants but the punchline is usually a bit more clear that "thing you thought was a machine" is actually a woman.
ringobob t1_j4ne9gn wrote
The restaurant worker, and the person who sliced tomatoes, who is also presumably a restaurant worker.
The choice of jobs here leaves much to be desired. It's like having an AI who actually understands the setup and the punchline rewrite the joke, and it does it in the worst way possible.
mcallanman t1_j4ng7gn wrote
Could be that "the tomato slicer" is a machine that was "fired" (switched ON) on the spot?
Chemical-Routine9893 t1_j4nhghu wrote
Adorable.
Waitsfornoone t1_j4nqpjz wrote
I always knew it as the pickle slicer joke.
Dinosalsa t1_j4nt6cf wrote
Yes, but she's at least the very least retired by now
Dickcheese-a1 t1_j4o0ejb wrote
McDonald's uses the Tomato Witch, ten or so slices for your trouble.
justagal_008 t1_j4o7xxb wrote
Hurr hurr hurr never gets old
og-lollercopter t1_j4oathc wrote
In the coffee maker. He and the barista were both fired and are now banned from all Starbucks locations.
gm7410 t1_j4og769 wrote
While the older joke may be the correct answer, fired in a restaurant also means in the process of cooking “fire hamburger for table twenty” The dick got cooked
MaleficentBaseball6 t1_j4ohvem wrote
Then I guess myself and several others are nobody, cause that was easy.
cantseeshittles t1_j4oqrcl wrote
I masturbated in front of the dishwasher
She seemed to like it but the boss didn't find it acceptable
Worthless_Clockwork t1_j4oy5zu wrote
Ubuntu logo
NotStaggy t1_j4oylrm wrote
Reddit avatar logo
[deleted] t1_j4oz66h wrote
[deleted]
Shreemaan420 t1_j4oz7w2 wrote
What's that got to do with anything? /Jk
Heisenberg_2008 t1_j4p2b78 wrote
Woman moment ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
[deleted] t1_j4p2hxh wrote
[deleted]
Specific_Tap7296 t1_j4pbvaa wrote
Having sex at work posts are so common this week
ramboton t1_j4pcicx wrote
I heard it was a lettuce slicer, but there was not a shred of evidence......
Tidesticky t1_j4pljaa wrote
Lucky there are a few of us geniuses left, eh?
Tidesticky t1_j4plm3u wrote
And left a sticky film on the dishes.
[deleted] t1_j4ps7gt wrote
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[deleted] t1_j4psall wrote
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stormtrooperbob321 t1_j4psd1o wrote
"A deli worker was fired when he got caught with his penis in the bacon slicer"
"Oh my god, what happened?"
"She got fired too"
SnappyCapricorn t1_j4psydg wrote
I thought this was a Darwin Award for a moment lol
Significant_Ad_6825 t1_j4pxqp7 wrote
The cucumber slicer found she likes cucumbers better
Level_Concern5049 t1_j4pzdit wrote
Oh god no........
Modified_Human t1_j4q1czr wrote
Jhymm t1_j4q3y3u wrote
I gotta confess. I thought the tomato slicer was a machine, shaped like a tomato, that cut fruit. And the guy, and his now severed tomato shaped penis were fired. As if the penis had a job. 10/10
lesser_tom t1_j4q6b4c wrote
I don't get it reads again huh, wha- oooooh, i get it now
listerinebreath t1_j4q6ugn wrote
This guy didn’t even get the delivery right. He’s supposed to tell his wife he was fired for sticking his dick in the pickle slicer, then she asks “what happened with the pickle slicer” and he says “oh, she was fired too”
RedditVince t1_j4q7thv wrote
Oh I am sure there are... Think the canning industry... :)
MaleficentBaseball6 t1_j4q8np2 wrote
We should change our names to Gene/Jean, lol
Narayan4632 t1_j4q9x56 wrote
No sad feeling for restaurant worker but tomato slicer, it's no easy job with all tomato and slicing..
Mikesaidit36 t1_j4qayfw wrote
THANK you. I couldn’t get past my visceral response to having one’s penis sliced and diced.
Mikesaidit36 t1_j4qbf2r wrote
Right, further complicating a botched joke. Plus, for a minute I was thinking about fried tomatoes – thanks, dyslexia.
JackoboiobokcaJ t1_j4qcj0v wrote
Certified woman moment
phonlyone t1_j4qh6xi wrote
I caught my dad with his cock in the biscuit tin. I asked Mum what was going on and was told to ignore him, 'Hes fucking crackers'
Greedoscolddeadhands t1_j4qj5m1 wrote
This joke can be inclusive quite easily, as well.
“I got fired for sticking my duck in the dish washer.”
“What happened to the dishwasher?”
“He got fired too.”
See, inclusive.
Einar_47 t1_j4qk79b wrote
Well yeah but they thought tomatoes were poisonous so naturally they wouldn't have them in a professional kitchen.
TenRingRedux OP t1_j4qqhxe wrote
A friend of mine once showed up at a Halloween party completely naked except for a bag of peanuts draped over his member.
I caught him at the door and asked "Are you fecking crazy?!"
He replied "No, I'm fecking nuts!"
TenRingRedux OP t1_j4qqpog wrote
"Oldie but goodie".
TenRingRedux OP t1_j4qquh1 wrote
I don't think they had cucumbers in 1890.
Corn huskers maybe.
As a MOF, it works well with corn, corn shucker, corn husker.
Yeah! He got caught with in in the corn shucker! in 1890.
Codate t1_j4qqze6 wrote
This one took me a minute
Existing-Bake5162 t1_j4qtjq6 wrote
I heard it was a pickle peeler...
trivia_guy t1_j4qutre wrote
I hope you’re joking and don’t seriously think cucumbers didn’t exist in 1890.
12angelo12 t1_j4qxmcx wrote
Aren’t they GMO fruits made from pickles
Commercial_Cold7614 t1_j4qz5ir wrote
Fired him, kept her.
JDMultralight t1_j4qzpx6 wrote
I forgot the show this was from but one character was a super rich guy in his mansion:
Girl: “How does your dish washer work?”
Billionaire: “You just wordlessly press the trays into his chest”
gigaswardblade t1_j4r1r50 wrote
Pickle pee? Pump a rum?
pladin517 t1_j4r4fnp wrote
joking? like they do on r/jokes?
pladin517 t1_j4r4xux wrote
Nah, she was fired and couldn't find work anywhere as a cucumber slicer because people told this joke for the next 130 years.
Mercinator-87 t1_j4rbmen wrote
Pickle slicer
trivia_guy t1_j4rsez3 wrote
Yeah I should know better.
trivia_guy t1_j4rsj12 wrote
Given what sub we’re in surely I can safely assume you’re not serious…
Chicken_Mannakin t1_j4rxako wrote
This is Ron White's joke!
1963Jan t1_j4s11qa wrote
I heard that he accidentally sat on the bacon slicer and got behind in his work.
TenRingRedux OP t1_j4seunb wrote
Yes, I lent it to him.
DeplorableKurt t1_j4n3lmg wrote
I don’t get it