At around 3 AM, drunk as a skunk, he headed for home. Just as he got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly he realized she'd probably wake up so he cuckooed another 9 times. He was really proud of himself, having a quick, witty solution, even when smashed, to escape possible conflict. Next morning, his wife asked him what time he got in, and he told her 12 o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Then she told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock. When he asked her why, she said "Well it cuckooed 3 times, then said 'oh fuck', cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3, giggled, cuckooed 2 more times and farted.
Comments
[deleted] t1_j6bxh45 wrote
[deleted]
[deleted] t1_j6bxz28 wrote
[deleted]
Jackrwood OP t1_j6byd49 wrote
I beg to differ. I’ve lived with one for 18 years and she screams in her jeans.
Best8meme t1_j6byo9k wrote
I don’t think this is a bot
oneaccountaday t1_j6c05he wrote
This is the beginning of a great joke all on its own.
Waitsfornoone t1_j6c50h5 wrote
Another Bot that needs to grow up a bit.
TheNobleDez t1_j6c7eo5 wrote
Needed to read it twice to understand but this one was really good
Brilliant-Bison-7151 t1_j6cgra5 wrote
😂😂😂
Jackrwood OP t1_j6chqho wrote
Not a bot. Lol.
Gubbtratt1 t1_j6ckqiq wrote
If you're referring to the original joke, it was the man that farted.
harakiri-man t1_j6clwac wrote
Ahm.. Are you in a relationship?
DragonscaleDiscoball t1_j6cpbaa wrote
What is wrong with you?
BansheeShriek t1_j6cteg2 wrote
Im sorry I don't get this one lmao
philomath_sam t1_j6ctytp wrote
Hilarious
Little_Setting t1_j6cu9dz wrote
Considering the downvotes your joke is fake
Wundawuzi t1_j6cv26y wrote
In his drunk state he though he perfectly mimiced the cuckoo clock. So when she asked him when he came home he just lied and said 12. The wife then, in a funny way, explains to him that his mimicry was terrible and she absolutely knew.
Different-Result-859 t1_j6cv7k5 wrote
Guy tell his wife he will come home at 12, comes home at 3, imitates the cuckoos 9 times to trick the wife into thinking it was 12 midnight and goes to sleep.
Initial_E t1_j6cw8ck wrote
It’s like the lambo driving scene in wolf of Wall Street.
Lanky-Ad5726 t1_j6cx585 wrote
The clock makes a cuckoo noise to respresent what hour is it. He was supposed to be home at 12 o’clock. When he gets home the clock cuckoos 3 times meaning it’s 3am. If the wife heard this, she would know he was late. So, he imitates the cuckoo noise 9 more times to make it seem like it was 12 o’clock. Because 9+3=12
alwayshazthelinks t1_j6cxj09 wrote
Yes, it was a hugely complex and difficult situation to unwrap. Worse than Ulysses. Personally, I used CliffNotes.
Brave- t1_j6cxowh wrote
CuryInAHury t1_j6cxzpb wrote
I thought it was a Ferrari
Initial_E t1_j6cy6ra wrote
Shit it’s either a countach or a testarossa but for the life of me I can’t remember. Was I high on qualludes?
Edit: I think the doors swing up, not out.
2stoked t1_j6czibw wrote
Ferrari was the first scene in the movie, countach is where he takes the lemon and tries to get to the payphone at the country club to call Donnie
eidoK1 t1_j6czrzg wrote
It was funny, but I think I'd get rid of a clock that made noise every hour that was loud enough to wake you up.
TransSlutUK t1_j6d027j wrote
You get used to it! But I did stop winding up the chime on mine eventually.
SnowyLocksmith t1_j6d07x9 wrote
I need a youtuber to make a 40-minute video, including the origin and history of jokes before I can understand
lachjeff t1_j6d0aoc wrote
This is clearly a bot that sees certain trigger words and responds to the post with a top comment from a previous time the post was made. Clearly, this bot took the comment from a time when the wife was the one who came home drunk, but didn’t differentiate between the genders
lachjeff t1_j6d0g8g wrote
It’s a bot. Recognises certain words in a post and replies to it with a previous high-ranking comment. This sort of bot is extremely common on subs like this which are full of text-based reposts
Scatterbug49 t1_j6d0lxu wrote
Gave me a chuckle.
[deleted] t1_j6d1v3h wrote
[deleted]
[deleted] t1_j6d30o9 wrote
Is it a digital clock? I can’t tell time on those round one.
Yazer9977 t1_j6d51pf wrote
Can I be the one to post this tomorrow?
Neolithique t1_j6d5ahc wrote
My in-laws have one, we spend two weeks at their house every year. It’s like having a newborn all over again… The clock is on the ground floor and our room is upstairs on the opposite side of the house.
It makes me want to die.
eatenbyalion t1_j6d68kb wrote
A bit cruel to dish the dirt on your daughter like that.
Zepp_BR t1_j6d6ct1 wrote
The situation on Reddit is kind of... Tense, huh?
Bots all around
Gtp4life t1_j6d7217 wrote
Specifically it’s a countach 25th anniversary edition. And yes they destroyed a real one for that scene.
TellTaleTank t1_j6d7wq1 wrote
I took it as she'd wake up to him coming in the door and hear the clock.
Waitsfornoone t1_j6d87en wrote
?? This gets downvoted for pointing out that the above comment was made by a Bot? Is it that the Bots have now unionized, or that Redditors don't like their bots being dissed?
ExtremeThanks420 t1_j6db69f wrote
good one
murphanduncas t1_j6dbr5i wrote
The fart at the end got me. Nothin funnier than a fart.
Yogi_Kat t1_j6dc79a wrote
don't worry this one cuckooes the time for you
brianray76 t1_j6dfbas wrote
For 1 you don't go out with the boys.cause if wife decides to go out with her always older single friends she will chea
SouthernZorro t1_j6dgldr wrote
A guy was very drunk at a bar when he puked all over his suit. He said, "Oh, no! My Wife will kill me when I get home!"
The guy next to him said, "You got 20 bucks? Let me tell you how to get off her bad side".
When the drunk got home, sure enough his wife was furious to see the puke on him. He said, "Hold on! This really drunk guy at the bar is who puked on me and he gave me this 20 bucks to get my suit cleaned!" With that he pulled out two 20 dollar bills.
She said, "But what's the other 20 for?"
He replied, "Well, next he shit my pants".
NL_LIMON t1_j6dgxfk wrote
XD
CentralFeeder t1_j6dh80n wrote
And make sure said you tuber uses the phrases “having said that”, “that being said”, without further ado” and the word “literally” 90,000 times because well, it’s the you tube way…
boxingdude t1_j6dijcn wrote
Also, an in-depth explanation about how they went from being a homeless bum and dragged their way into the top-echelon of joke explainers.
[deleted] t1_j6dj1hz wrote
[removed]
GandalfMon t1_j6dn0k3 wrote
License granted.
FFF_in_WY t1_j6dno71 wrote
God I love that movie
Gr8hound t1_j6dnpp4 wrote
Looking forward to it
Artybait t1_j6dnt3h wrote
Lmao hahahaha
CarelessTravel8 t1_j6do02d wrote
🤣🤣🤣 Hell yes!!!
Webcat86 t1_j6dq11e wrote
Nah it’s the giggle
OriginalLocksmith436 t1_j6dqsrd wrote
Was that an inside joke or do I need to go reread it again?
Jackalope_Sasquatch t1_j6dquly wrote
The second sentence of which, before you've heard any content whatsoever, is "Don't forget to subscribe and click that Like button!!!!!!!"
OriginalLocksmith436 t1_j6dr6tp wrote
Ooh... Okay...?
Jackalope_Sasquatch t1_j6drb8i wrote
>Shit it’s either a countach or a testarossa
That's a totally different scene when he's looking at her countach, though...
Nickoru t1_j6drrww wrote
He: "Of course we get a new one, darling! Already on it"!
wrenchbenderornot t1_j6dsgrh wrote
Just yell out “number 126!”
Vast_Cricket t1_j6dt9b7 wrote
A realtor sending out solicitation service eMail by turning his PC clock backwards as he worked 2 AM in the morning looking for customers.
alectorophobic t1_j6dugox wrote
No it's my turn you did it yesterday
brianray76 t1_j6dwc4d wrote
Most wives and girlfriends that go out drinking with single friend wind up cheating.not always UT the chances are higher
karimamin t1_j6dxkiu wrote
I don't get this joke. Wouldn't the wife had woken up at 2AM when the Cuckoo clock cluked twice? Also 1AM when it does it once? Therefore, she'd have known he wasn't there at least 2 times before I tried this bafoonery
dandroid126 t1_j6dyshi wrote
PawLoverXP t1_j6dzk3d wrote
and she did know. she’s making fun of the husband
onairmastering t1_j6e0hbj wrote
Formatting sucks.
Emektro t1_j6e12er wrote
r/usernamechecksout
Here’s your food sir
lazylion_ca t1_j6e1gtp wrote
You have a very sad outlook on life.
lazylion_ca t1_j6e1kyi wrote
Imagine getting woken up every hour.
3bugsdad t1_j6e27pt wrote
God's natural joke.
sudo_mksandwhich t1_j6e62ww wrote
She woke up to the sound of him coming in. And subsequently the cuckoo clock told her it was (just before) 3am when he got home.
2beatenup t1_j6e707i wrote
You don’t g out much do ya
CantRememberMyUserID t1_j6e9aa2 wrote
ELI5. Great Job.
sarphinius t1_j6eaybr wrote
Gotta work on your timing
hibiscustoo t1_j6eccg5 wrote
You know what they say...It's not the first kiss that's important it's the first fart.
PM_ME_YOUR_MESMER t1_j6efa0o wrote
No one will laugh because they haven't heard that one yet!
YayGilly t1_j6eigqv wrote
I was thinking about this joke yesterday!! Thamks for sharing it..i couldnt remember the punchline..its adorable..
eagleeyerattlesnake t1_j6eiqoj wrote
Why did the other guy ask if the first guy had $20? Shouldn't he have given the guy $20 instead?
Certain_Month_8178 t1_j6eju99 wrote
You just aren’t telling it right
bigFatBigfoot t1_j6ekly3 wrote
Why would he give him his own money in real life?
BlueEyedBlackOwl t1_j6eq4hg wrote
He wasn’t offering him a solution for $20, he was saying if drunk dude had $20 he could say it was given to him as an excuse.
Ogfrebu83 t1_j6f6q4k wrote
"Why a new one? The cuckoo just came back from his friends!" "Don't be silly, it also threw up all over the toilet..." "Don't tell me he brought his friends home while I was sleeping on the couch?" "Next time you hear or dream on a cuckoo's party, have some Pepto-bismol, please."
ba-dum-psh t1_j6f70v7 wrote
How about this drunk guy clock meme?
Russc70 t1_j6f9y65 wrote
Nice repost without actually reposting!
karimamin t1_j6fcx8u wrote
No, I just don't like bad jokes unlike yourself
karimamin t1_j6fd33c wrote
I know that. The issue is that she knew because she got up because the clock went off. Every hour!
RetiredFromIT t1_j6ffhsg wrote
Nah. It's the way you told it.
Daggerbite t1_j6fgip1 wrote
But first: nordvpn
Impossible_Pay6912 t1_j6fhv5k wrote
r/beetlejuicing
GACyberCool t1_j6fru6z wrote
Someone needs to compile all the jokes in this Reddit and put a number beside them for reference.
Emergency_Tea6847 t1_j6fw6b0 wrote
After reading this joke I went straight to this meme. I laugh every time I see this. “I’m..not..fucking…drunk” lol
nedlyest t1_j6fz99f wrote
What does the cow say?
God damn it, your home at 4am and drunk again!
Dunge0nMast0r t1_j6g4yjq wrote
uproarus laughter
BioletVeauregarde33 t1_j6g507s wrote
Wouldn't it be $40?
nIBLIB t1_j6g66ir wrote
Why would it be $40?
BioletVeauregarde33 t1_j6g68pe wrote
Because 20 + 20 = 40.
Ambitious_Brief1874 t1_j6g7596 wrote
Wow . . . this thread needs a proofreader ALREADY??? WTH, it's only 9:30!
[deleted] t1_j6g7ar7 wrote
[removed]
Kat_GotYourTongue t1_j6g7rw4 wrote
He was saying “hey dude if you have 20$ on you, just say someone else threw up on you & show her your 20$ saying it was given to you as an apology” not requesting 20$ for advice.
LASER_Dude_PEW t1_j6g863b wrote
Is this one of the "woosh" things?
BioletVeauregarde33 t1_j6g8ds6 wrote
If he was asking the guy if he had $20 and not giving him any more money, where did the other $20 come from?
LASER_Dude_PEW t1_j6g8vkb wrote
The other guy asked, "do you have $20?" and then told him what to do. So he used his own $20 (actually $40) to convince his wife that another dude puked on him (and also pooped in his pants). Maybe he swung by an ATM or something.
-margiela- t1_j6g90o9 wrote
Poe’s Law in full effect here
BlueEyedBlackOwl t1_j6g95l1 wrote
It was originally $20 because it was just puke. But it can be ascertained the guy had a second 20 on him and when hit shit himself decided to use the same line.
BioletVeauregarde33 t1_j6g95t9 wrote
Cole's Law in full effect on my burger
BioletVeauregarde33 t1_j6g98jx wrote
That makes more sense. Thanks.
BlueEyedBlackOwl t1_j6g9acw wrote
No problem
SouthernZorro t1_j6gd2yh wrote
Thank you. I hate to explain jokes.
LeaderEnvironmental5 t1_j6ggngy wrote
No, it was the clock... Whose side are you on?
[deleted] t1_j6gh6nh wrote
nIBLIB t1_j6ghd8k wrote
Drunk puked on himself. Guy said ‘you got $20 here’s the plan’. Drunk shit himself on the way home and improved the second $20. So the drunk had $40. But guy isn’t psychic. He just gave him the $20 plan and so that’s all he asked about.
TheAdventOfTruth t1_j6giiy3 wrote
This was funny.
piper63-c137 t1_j6glkcw wrote
Good ole 126.
vilidj_idjit t1_j6gnjxy wrote
What irresponsible company releases clocks that utter such foul language?
5-MEO-D-M-T t1_j6gnsjf wrote
The guy puked on his own suit, the guy next to him was offering his advice on how to get out of trouble.
NorvalMarley t1_j6grjpb wrote
I saw Funkhauser tell this joke on a documentary and I tell it all the time too!
rathavoc t1_j6grqwl wrote
Here’s Conor Oberst (legend) telling this joke: https://youtu.be/lZonVaph768
loonylam45 t1_j6gv402 wrote
Funny
ulfgoatrider t1_j6gwu01 wrote
Lucky. I wish I'd only ever read this joke twice.
Gubbtratt1 t1_j6gxq5t wrote
Who-shat t1_j6h5x03 wrote
Clement Freud did a good dead pan rendition of this joke.
fidgetiegurl09 t1_j6huqcu wrote
Nick Offerman has one of the best giggles.
[deleted] t1_j6iz5yb wrote
[removed]
pink_phoenix t1_j6l17t8 wrote
*Fowl language
[deleted] t1_j6bx47x wrote
[deleted]