An engineer dies and goes up to heaven.

Submitted by MadisonPearGarden t3_11cyipt in Jokes

At the Pearly Gates, St Peter says to the engineer "Sorry pal, you're not on the list. You can't get into heaven." The engineer says "Wait a minute, I always donated to charity, my wife and I raised two orphans we adopted, I attended church regularly, what do you mean I'm not on the list to get into heaven?" St. Peter says "Look I don't make the rules, you're not on the list, that means you go to hell."

The engineer goes down to hell and introduces himself, gets to know the devil and says "Hey I could make a few changes to make things more comfortable down here." He installs a state-of-the-art air conditioning system and all of a sudden it's a pleasant 68 degrees F in Hell. God looks down and realizes he must have made a mistake and given St Peter the wrong list.

God says to the Devil, send me back that engineer. I made a mistake, he belongs in heaven. The devil says forget about it, this guy's great, I'm not giving him up. God says "Oh yeah? You send him back up right now, or I'll sue!"

The devil says to God "Oh yeah? And where are YOU gonna get a lawyer?"

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Comments

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bektrip t1_ja5q5se wrote

as a lawyer, I can confirm that His infernal majesty owns us all.

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rckchkhwk t1_ja60zfs wrote

If he gave St. Peter the wrong list then there is a possibility that lawyers on the wrong list made it in

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nlmf t1_ja63upq wrote

The problem with this joke is,why would the devil want to make it more comfortable for people in hell?

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rvgoingtohavefun t1_ja687uf wrote

Replying to nlmf (#2,044,086)

Because the devil is uncomfortable and causes everyone to suffer along with him because a whiny selfish asshole.

If the devil wasn't so goddamn uncomfortable, maybe he'd be nicer.

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dgm42 t1_ja6e3ci wrote

Replying to Antique_Direction255 (#2,042,072)

The line "Let's kill all the lawyers" comes from a Shakespeare play and is spoken by the villain. It can be interpreted as praise for lawyers because the first thing the villain wants to do when he takes over i get rid of lawyers. Implying that lawyers protect society.

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vehino t1_ja6gr3q wrote

This joke doesn't make any sense because the devil is bound by the will of the Lord and cannot directly challenge him. God is also all mighty and can release any soul from hell that he wants even though he wouldn't because his judgement is perfect so he wouldn't send someone down there if they didn't deserve it. God is also the creator of all laws and wouldn't require a lawyer of his own because any argument that he would make would be flawless in its logic and absolutely perfect. Could you please rewrite this joke in a way that reflects the Majesty of the alpha and Omega and isnt offensive to those who truly believe in him? Belief in Christ and his victory over Satan is Paramount to living a good life and adherence to his values is the only way to guarantee that we will be born again in the next life and not cast off into eternal darkness to burn forever in unending flame, so it would be really helpful if you would help spread this message.

Thank you in advance and remember God loves you! :)

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Western-Image7125 t1_ja6iatj wrote

Typical behavior from god - wait till you prove you are useful to his will somehow and only then you get eternal salvation

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Vast_Cricket t1_ja6m0dk wrote

At least god knows the engineer can change the world.

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Truthful_Azn t1_ja6pu4w wrote

R/jokes is so eco friendly that we recycle 100% of the same jokes over and over.

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KordovaJD t1_ja6q3p6 wrote

As a lawyer, this is one of my favorite lawyer jokes.

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gin_and_toxic t1_ja6ruo6 wrote

Huh, the Hell uses Fahrenheit. Should've known...

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15mg_MaleNurse_STAT t1_ja6sxoy wrote

Replying to nlmf (#2,044,086)

Because its not the devil that makes hell horrible, its God. God sends all the people he doesnt like, lile those who mix two kinds of fabrics, or children who tease the bald, to hell.

Satan just lives there, hes chill. He wouldnt want to torture anyone but set them free from tyranny

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EpiZirco t1_ja73bkg wrote

I always knew that the devil must be the one who sets all the air conditioners to 68 F.

When it’s 95 outside, I don’t want to have to dress like it is January.

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Fit_Wolverine7706 t1_ja753md wrote

I am an Engineer and Was planning on sending this to my colleagues but the punchline ruins it for me.

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Oshwaflz t1_ja75f3j wrote

i feel like you could say "did you hear about satan?" "no" "yeah apparently he realized hes above the law because he owns the soul of every half decent lawyer" or something to make it shorter

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ShockerDog t1_ja7c3z0 wrote

And let’s be real. The engineer didn’t install Shit. They just speculated how it should be installed.

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creydth t1_ja7iyaw wrote

I went to the studio to record a song about my life story,since morning we've been crying with the producer

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BEERnHOES t1_ja7zybd wrote

If he had the wrong list maybe he has a few now

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elegantwino t1_ja839tp wrote

Oftentimes reading a joke for the 15th time I still chuckle. This joke is past it’s prime. Please stop reposting.

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Far_Sentence3700 t1_ja86wg3 wrote

So where did they buy the air conditioner? Hell is not just a hot place. Its a place where you're punished for your wrong doing.

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ManyAd790 t1_ja8gowg wrote

Replying to 15mg_MaleNurse_STAT (#2,048,895)

I HATE THE ANTICHRIST! I HATE THE ANTICHRIST! I HATE THE ANTICHRIST! I HATE THE ANTICHRIST! I HATE THE ANTICHRIST! I HATE THE ANTICHRIST! I HATE THE ANTICHRIST! I HATE THE ANTICHRIST! I HATE THE ANTICHRIST! I HATE THE ANTICHRIST! I HATE THE ANTICHRIST! I HATE THE ANTICHRIST! I HATE THE ANTICHRIST! I HATE THE ANTICHRIST!

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BrahmduttFFXI t1_ja8jbrs wrote

I thought this was gona go differently, freaking engineers put bolts behind non related things that have to be disassembled just cause

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DRSteelers t1_ja8ksyi wrote

Surely, there are SOME lawyers in heaven!

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vdhaesek t1_ja8nass wrote

This joke is too much freedom per bald eagle for a European to be funny

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SuzyLouWhoo t1_ja8vyzc wrote

A couple dies in a car crash just weeks before their wedding. When they get to heaven, they ask St. Peter, “can we get married here in heaven?”

He says “hmmmmm…. Let me look I to it”

For days, weeks, months, they pester him but the answer is always the same. “I’m looking into it”

Until finally one day 2 years later St Peter approaches the couple and says they may get married. They have a beautiful ceremony, and are very happy.

For about 50 years.

Now they’re sick to death of each other, and they once again go to St Peter: “Can we get a divorce in heaven?”

To which he exclaims: “It took me two years to find a priest up here!! It’s going to take forever to find a lawyer!!”

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oldkicker53 t1_ja9i3gh wrote

Bride and groom to be are killed in separate car wrecks on the way to the ceremony. Off to heaven they go. They meet Saint Peter and ask if he can arrange for them to get married in heaven. “Let me see what I can do”, Saint Pete says. After what seems like an eternity the couple ask Saint Peter what the status of their request is. “Be patient” is his only reply. Ages go by and go by and the couple repeatedly ask Saint Peter for an update. “Be patient.” Finally they ask and Saint Peter says that they can get married. They have a lovely ceremony and settle into heavenly married bliss. But it doesn’t last and they just can’t stand each other after a while.

They go back to Saint Peter to ask about a heavenly divorce. Pete blows his top, “You saw how long it took to find a priest up here and now you want me to find a lawyer?!?!”

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Luke_low t1_jaas3a8 wrote

Is the joke, that Lawyers don't "go to heaven?"

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