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lamped86 t1_j9uwx0m wrote

I find this advice counterintuitive to marriage. I feel finances should be combined as one. I know this is anecdotal but everytime I've heard about issues in a marriage that stems from finances, I find out that they treated their income as their own.

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resetmypass t1_j9uzo1v wrote

If we are sharing anecdotes, I’ve actually seen more problems with completely joint accounts. You get into arguments like “how can you spend so much on shoes” vs “I can’t believe you spent that much on tickets to a game”. You end up discussing every purchase to make sure the other is ok with it and it gets taxing

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Zoltan_Kakler t1_j9v0etu wrote

This is the truth. A lot of people are hung up on the topic as you can see by the comments here. The old-school thought is that all money is pooled as part of marriage, as a requirement for marriage. It is not.

The way we do it is we have our own accounts AND we have a joint account. We pay our household bills and stuff with the joint account. I get to spend my money how I want and we don't ever have to argue about money - it's the best of both worlds.

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lamped86 t1_j9v14tm wrote

A simple "let's discuss any purchases over 'x' amount" could solve that.

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resetmypass t1_j9v28md wrote

That honestly sounds more complicated than having a joint account where you split household needs and then a separate account for individual needs.

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lamped86 t1_j9v35pr wrote

If each spouse puts, say 90% of their income into a join account and the other 10% is theirs to spend as they will, what happens when one spouse makes a significant amount more than the other spouse? Can't see a marriage lasting too long in that situation.

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resetmypass t1_j9v64f8 wrote

I think you need to have an in depth conversation about how to split the percentages into the joint and individual accounts. But once that’s done, the rest is easy.

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lamped86 t1_j9v7fp6 wrote

I don't know how that could be achieved without it being unfair to the one spouse who has to give up a higher percentage of their spending money.

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resetmypass t1_j9v8l2t wrote

As an example, one couple I know has the husband making significantly more. The husband contributes 80% of their earnings so that they both can live in a nice apartment in the nice part of town. The wife contributes 50% of her income and keeps 50% so that she has a similar amount of personal spending. They discussed this and were fine with it.

I think after making this one decision, they no longer have to have discussions each time someone spends more than x amount for a completely joint account

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Carpsack t1_j9vbq66 wrote

If two people who are married can't work out an equitable budget split they probably have bigger issues. The whole point is to discuss and work out what's fair.

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lamped86 t1_j9vc633 wrote

I'd say a marriage who keep their finances separate probably have bigger issues. The whole point of marriage is to become a union.

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Carpsack t1_j9vcshl wrote

I didn't say anything about keeping finances separate?

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stoic_hysteric t1_j9v32dc wrote

That sounds exhausting! I guess I got really lucky with my partner. We are 99% in alignment. We're also a bit flexible and able to meet each other on what we aren't.

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resetmypass t1_j9v5r9n wrote

I think that’s great! Whatever works, works. I do think more ppl have success with separate bank accounts and a joint one for household bills (since most marriages may not be as like minded as yours :))

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grax23 t1_j9uz3kf wrote

it makes you feel like the money in your account is yours and not "ours"

you can buy yourself something special without feeling guilty about it.

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lamped86 t1_j9v0io1 wrote

I just fail to see why someone would feel guilty about buying something (assuming finances are stable enough to support the purchase).

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kickbut101 t1_j9v6jqj wrote

because the finances probably aren't stable enough but the bad purchasing behavior still continues? thats why the arguments or guilt or guilt-tripping ensues

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lamped86 t1_j9v8gw6 wrote

In that situation, sperate accounts won't fix overspending. All it would do is force one spouse cover for the other spouse's spending habits.

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stoic_hysteric t1_j9v2ubk wrote

Completely agree. It might make sense to keep an account separate early in the relationship (emergency escape fund) but once you buy a house together? At that point you'd better be on the same page in terms of money values. I trust my partner 100% not to make bad small purchases and to always discuss medium or large ones. It does take the fun out of gift-giving, but good lord is it worth that small loss! You can still surprise each other with an hour long back rub, or having dinner ready when it's not your night, or whatever.

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