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ssevener t1_j9v0sqb wrote

Or you could just communicate and understand that you each have things you spend money on that doesn’t directly benefit the other person. If there’s a concern about one person overspending, that’s something you need to talk about as a couple.

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redhat6161 t1_j9v9xif wrote

I like OPs solution much better. Works great in my marriage.

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perdigaoperdeuapena t1_j9vbx9t wrote

Mine too. But our premises were different, we both felt that we had already reached a level of autonomy that justified having separate accounts! So we agreed that I bear certain expenses and she bears others, more or less equally.

Everything has worked out perfectly for the last 25 years - and the OP is quite right, there are things I can buy without having to justify much and my wife the same ;-)

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Brodie1985 t1_j9vds0f wrote

I think different strokes for different folks. My wife and I do the shared account route. She buys whatever she wants that’s within our budget and I do the same thing. Works for us but I know some people it wouldn’t work out for.

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ShampooIsBetter33 t1_j9voyjb wrote

Agreed. Different strokes is spot on.

However, what I find interesting about OPs approach is I could see this becoming an issue related to the breadwinner being able to spend more freely. I make significantly more then my wife, doesn’t mean I think I get to spend significantly more. And especially with a kid, I can’t imagine not doing it the joint method. However that is just us, and as an accountant it easier to have me manage the budget for the whole family.

We talk at a minimum every 2 weeks about these things.

My LPT is to make a list of needs and don’t spend too spontaneously. As in spending continually on various $20 Amazon purchases, or $5 at Starbucks adds up quick.

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Brodie1985 t1_j9vs0xp wrote

Yeah same here. My wife makes 1/8 of what I make and I can for sure see where OPs method could cause issues for us. Right now she just checks in to see what is in the budget for something. I don’t mind spending money on her as most of the time it’s stuff that we both get to enjoy like dinners, trips, a dress for her or some jewelry. Most of the time she doesn’t even suggest anything I just buy her stuff.

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dirkles t1_j9vam2c wrote

Exactly. This is the kind of stuff that should get ironed out before marriage. If I thought of money I earned as mine, then I am not thinking of how my contributions are for the benefit of the unit (family, partner, kids, etc) as a whole. Once my wife and I got married, it has always been about us , and not me + them. I imagine some people struggle with this, so it is probably best that they don't get married, or at least not in the legal sense.

TL;DR --> If you have any doubts in your partner's commitment to Sparkle Motion, then you should not be married.

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GhostOfAbba t1_j9vh54u wrote

We use YNAB and we each have our own spending category. Easy.

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