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Mustang46L t1_iuhmyu4 wrote

I was on vacation recently with friends, and friends of friends. I start talking to one of the friends of friends (who I met once) when they arrive, only to find out that he f'ing hates me and thought about not coming on the vacation because I'd be there. When we were at a party last fall (lumberjack themed) I apparently "made fun" of his deceased father's hat. To be clear, I was drinking.. have no recollection of this.. and probably just said something funny about a lumberjack hat.

He still hates me and almost broke one of my fingers on that vacation.

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Mustang46L t1_iuhpw41 wrote

Oh, I should mention he didn't tell me he had an issue with me. He whined to my wife behind my back that be didn't like me before she forced him to be a grown man and tell me.

I apologized, he didn't accept.

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MrMing-NaWen t1_iuhqizx wrote

I dunno, based on this I'm with you. It sounds like you were being light hearted at a light hearted event. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone so ungracious and judgemental that they hold a weird, seething, grudge for a year over a joke about something I didnt know was sentimental to them. People need to chill out.

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Large_Talons_ t1_iuhxzxk wrote

I mean we (and OP apparently) have no idea what he actually said. and I know it’s just a hat but if someone you don’t know says something super rude the first time you meet, it’s gonna leave a bad taste.

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spanther96 t1_iuhzxbz wrote

“that’s an ugly fucking hat, whose wardrobe you get that from - your dad’s? muahahaha”

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MrMing-NaWen t1_iujsn9t wrote

Yeah, I mean we're only hearing OP's side. If in real life the guy said "hey this was my dad's, it means something to me," and OP pressed on anyway then I would get the grudge. Or maybe if he said something really, really, out of pocket like you mentioned.

But I mean, as with all internet stories, there's no way of knowing.

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BertieTheBrain t1_iuhyo1b wrote

Well you're only hearing one side of the story. It could very well he was being a drunk ass at an event since he himself admitted he was drinking and tried to use that as a defense of his shitty actions.

He said the dude "whined" to make the dude sound bad. He insulted the guy's dead father and then said he was whining about it.

He said he "apologized", I very much doubt it was sincere since he doesn't even remember nor really care what he did with the way he described it.

I wouldn't want to be friends with this guy.

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Patchyug t1_iui2sdr wrote

"We don't have the other side of the story so, after completely fabricating it based on assumptions, I have determined OP is a bad guy"

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BertieTheBrain t1_iui48ry wrote

nah, more like presumptions than assumptions. i checked some of his posts just now. he says the other guy either ignores him now or is just ignorant. describing how the dude behaves around him now and throws in an insult for added benefit. he sounds real apologetic. (that was sarcasm)

again, i wouldn't want to be friends with him.

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Patchyug t1_iui7bb0 wrote

"I am genuinely miserable and tearing this random dude on reddit down over miniscule amounts of evidence is how I am going to get through the day"

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BertieTheBrain t1_iui7ncj wrote

sounds like projection to me, especially with all your replies being sarcastic quotes. but whatever, you do you, king. have a good one 👍

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Bamres t1_iuhzx7p wrote

I had a similar thing with a friend I was pretty close with, I said something that he didn't like in a group chat we had, not even very insulting from what I remember, but he never told me, or anyone else.

I showed up at a party and he was just not talking to me and wouldn't say why, his GF didn't know anything about it, no one in our chat who I asked could point to anything I said that could possibly cause the reaction.

Eventually he just started talking to me again, never mentioned anything about it. Then he did it again, once again IDK what I did and no one else does either.

I can't say I did nothing wrong because...idk what he was upset about and you can't apologize for some shit that you don't know what you're even doing it for.

But from my perspective, it's not sustainable to be friends with someone who communicates in such a way.

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Mustang46L t1_iui0gpn wrote

Yeah, I'm super glad this isn't a close friend of mine. But now it's just awkward because my good friend needs to decide any time they have a party or go on a vacation if they should invite both of us or not. I'm still generally cordial to the guy who hates me although he either completely ignores me or is outright ignorant. So unlikely doubt we'll be in the same place at the same time anytime soon.

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Eensame t1_iuhn4l2 wrote

Hat are a very sensitive subject

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Mustang46L t1_iuhnc9h wrote

Sure, I guess. But this is an almost 50 year old man acting like I actually lobbed insults at his father. 😂

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half-witigator t1_iuhwj58 wrote

Tbh your attitude of “I was drunk, it’s just a hat, I apologized, it’s nbd and what do you want from me?” is probably not winning you any friends. Did you sincerely apologize? Because I don’t think you can do that unless you actually feel bad, which you clearly do not. Maybe he’s unreasonable and grieving but based on your retelling he hates you, for something you did, and you don’t seem all that concerned. Idk you might be the asshole here.

You’re probably almost 50 too. Maybe stop getting black out drunk and bullying the bereaved.

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JarasM t1_iuhymyp wrote

How can he sincerely apologize for something he himself doesn't remember and apparently the other party couldn't explain well themselves? If I remembered being an asshole to somebody I'd feel bad and apologize profusely because I am a nonconfrontational person that is terrified of the thought of someone thinking badly of me, but if I learned of an event that is simply described as offensive which I don't remember, I too would just say something shallow like "I'm sorry if I offended you somehow".

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Bald_Sasquach t1_iuhxosy wrote

Getting black out drunk and bullying the bereaved is all I have left :'(

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Mustang46L t1_iuhydnj wrote

When he showed up on vacation and explained what happened (I sincerely didn't remember it, which to me speaks volumes about how unintentional it was), I apologized sincerely.. multiple times. It was pretty clear he was uninterested in any type of apology, assumed I was an asshole, and just wanted to ensure that everyone on vacation with me knew that he didn't like me or want me to be around. He literally told me about 20x it was his deceased father's hat like it was something I SHOULD have known.

Yes, I'm in my 40s. No, I didn't get blackout drunk I just don't remember this ridiculous conversation. When I drink I talk a lot, not blackout.

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BertieTheBrain t1_iui5r30 wrote

>I just don't remember this ridiculous conversation. When I drink I talk a lot, not blackout.

You're still hand waving away your actions with the drunk defense. You're still responsible for your actions even if you don't remember them.

It's frankly, not believable that you were sincere in your apology with how hard you try to wave it off with being drunk or that you don't remember. Along with other descriptions about how you're happy you're not close to the guy while throwing shade about him saying he whines and is ignorant in your following posts.

Obviously going against the crowd here, but I don't find it believable that you sincerely apologized.

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BertieTheBrain t1_iuhyxv5 wrote

>“I was drunk, it’s just a hat, I apologized, it’s nbd and what do you want from me?” is probably not winning you any friends. Did you sincerely apologize?

This was glaringly obvious to me. Seems like OP is an ass. "I was drunk my bad, that lets me be a shit person and hand wave away shitty actions I did"

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[deleted] t1_iuhp6wz wrote

[deleted]

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joshthatoneguy t1_iuhrx10 wrote

Yeah but there is such thing as overreacting to a statement. He's allowed to feel upset, but to attempt to break OPs finger over a comment from a year ago is the exact definition of overreacting.

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mik999ak t1_iuhs51x wrote

Yeah, but some recipients need to get a grip

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GooglyIce t1_iui05yn wrote

Especially when one’s choice of wearing one isn’t so much of a choice or when insults with the wrong company around can lead to escalation. Even more dire when it’s a deceased person’s hat or even someone that was misunderstood for being distant. The little things can sometimes be one of the few things we have to cling on to when in time even the memories of lost ones become fading distant memories. It can be very intimidating, not just confrontational for people who have lost the surrounding of company you seem to take for granted.

Did you even bother to ask if there was any sentimental value to it or did you just make assumptions? Personally I’ve seen too much death for me to take a joke as easily as I used to, especially when it’s about something in the past when the past is something I’m still having a hard time with to let go of. I mean there’s good reasons for needing therapy sometimes, instead of just mental evaluations or assumptions based on a sliver of understanding of the underlying issues.

Having said that, I used to joke around a lot when it came to the more personal stuff because to me it was a coping mechanism and I’d rather make new fun memories than reminiscing on the painful ones. It was my way of being strong, trying to cheer people up instead of saying sorry all the time. Sorry for your loss doesn’t really cut it when hearing it from a stranger after it’s already played out. Besides it’s confrontational and can be a painful reminder.

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nocolon t1_iuhurtd wrote

I once told someone who was a good friend that, after he started dating a girl, we all missed him since he was never around anymore and was just with his girl. He took it wrong, and has been angry with me since. Regardless of the conversation being about a group and just coming from me.

He still hasn't let it go. It was 15 years ago.

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Whatachooch t1_iuhvbbj wrote

So you're saying you still don't see him much?

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nocolon t1_iui775r wrote

Only at cookouts hosted by one of the other dudes in that group. Somehow he stayed friends with them but I’m still persona non grata.

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Mustang46L t1_iui49xu wrote

Also, when he told me what I did I went back to photos of the night.. and he was wearing a baseball hat. I had no idea why someone could be insulted about a baseball hat. It wasn't until later I remembered he had a lumberjack hat earlier in the night (no photos of that one).

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