Capt. Lussiz was finally able to relax. Get a little thinking done. Maybe finally get around to updating the Captain's log. He had not done that in cycles. And he had a lot to report. Those new crew members were some of the most useful individuals he had ever seen, but they were also some of the most aggravating beings in the galaxy.

It seemed like every incident was either caused or solved by one of them. Mostly caused. He did not even want to think about what those damned bipeds were about to do with that broken gravity amplifier. They said something about atomic degradation rates and ran off saying the words that still haunted his rest period: "This is gonna be awesome!"

His dorsal frill still rose when he thought about those words, and what usually followed. But he still had to dictate every notable event into the logs, otherwise headquarters would flay him.

He was about to start the recording system when the door alerted him to a visitor. His frill stiffened in annoyance. He hit the comm system.

"What is it?" He asked.

"Captain, sir? There's been an... an incident."

Lussiz recognized the voice of his quartermaster. If she was nervous, then he could only think of one source. He opened the door to admit the aging Stelaxian.

"It was them again, wasn't it?

"Yes, captain." She said, tapping her third foot, indicating agreement.

"What was it this time?" He could already tell this would be a new entry in the logs.

"You recall last cycle the report of container 563 going missing?"

He gave his acknowledgement. It was hard to forget a large quantity of a highly toxic substance going missing. And her bringing it up made his mind go to the logical -- and unfortunate -- conclusion.

"What did they do with it?" He asked. "They weren't trying to weaponize it, were they?"

"No, sir. They were...using it as a food additive. Practically drinking the stuff."

Her rearmost legs were skittering across the metal floor. He felt the same way. How could they eat that stuff?

"But...that was pure capsaicin. Toxic to, well, everything." He said, as if that would change something.

"I know, sir. But they were eating it. They said they wanted something "spicy" for their meal, whatever that means. And when asked about drinking it, they said it was mimicking something called the "hot pepper challenge" from their homeworld."

He let out a tired rumble from his air sacks. Now he had another problem to deal with.

"Did you at least get the raining capsaicin back?"

"Yes, sir. They seemed upset by it though. They complained that their food rations were too bland and that...that poison was what they needed to make it better."

"Of course they drink poison for fun. Why wouldn't they?" He muttered under his breath. Then, much louder, "Thank you for your report. Keep all toxic substances locked up with grade one locking systems from now on, just in case."

The quartermaster gave her agreement and headed off. The captain trudged heavily to the log recording system and activated it before any more interruptions could manifest.

"Captain's log. The new crew members continue to be an irritant to myself and the rest of the crew. Their behavior is unpredictable and distressing. The latest in a long line of incidents has them stealing a large quantity of a controlled toxic substance. They did so to ingest it, while saying they wanted something spicy for their food. I don't even know what that means, but that was, according to my highly reliable quartermaster, the excuse given."

He continued to give his extensive list of reports on the crew member's behavior, both positive and negative. It took him far too long to do. When he was finally done, he sat on his reclining seat and said, out loud for some reason,

"I swear these damn humans are going to be the death of me."