“I’m telling you, boys, that chick is absolutely off her rocker,” says Sir Chad the Man.

“Oh, come off it, Chad,” says Sir Charlie of the Wing, “you’re just upset you couldn’t slay that dragon.”

Sir Chad slams his pint glass down and points at Sir Charlie. “I could have slayed that damn dragon and you know it. The princess just got in the way and wouldn’t let me!”

“What do you mean, Chad?” Says Sir Kyle of the Wall.

“I mean that princess is coo coo for coco puffs is what I mean!” Chad says shaking his head. “I had the dragon dead to rights. Just as I was about to bring my sword down upon its neck, she ran into the room screaming bloody murder. She started shooting arrows at me and even threw an exploding pot,” he says as he lifts his shirt to show a wound on his abdomen, “bitch got me good. Said I wasn’t welcome at her castle and to get the fuck out.”

“Some thanks for trying to save her,” says Sir Kyle. “I swear, these princesses these days are ungrateful.”

“Right?” says Chad. “Like, damn lady, I was just trying to help you out.”

“Well, just to play devil’s advocate here,” says Sir Charlie, “did she ever ask for your help?”

Chad stares at Charlie with a puzzled, blinking expression, as if his brain were trying to send a distress signal via Morse code. “Why would she need to ask, Charlie? She’s a Princess. In a castle. Guarded by a dragon. I’m a Knight. What more do I need to know?”

“Well, quite a lot actually,” says Charlie. “Did you ever stop to consider that maybe she’s happy in the castle? Or even better, that the dragon is her pet?”

“Her pet?” Says Sir Kyle of the Wall. “Who keeps a dragon as a pet?”

“Well, a rich and powerful princess for one,” says Charlie.

“Oh fuck off Charlie,” says Chad, “she doesn’t keep the dragon as a pet. You know what I think? I think she’s got that Stockholm syndrome. You know, the one where the hostage falls in love with their captor. It only makes sense.”

Sir Kyle nods in affirmation. “Yeah, yeah, that does make sense, Chad. You gotta go back there and try again tomorrow, she definitely needs your help—now more than ever.”

“You’re right!” says Chad. “I need to go back there and this time succeed in slaying that beast and taking her hand in—“

“I really wouldn’t do that, Chad,” says Charlie. “It sounds to me like she doesn’t want to be bothered. I’d just honor her wishes and stay away if I were you.”

“And that is why you are forever of the Wing, Sir Charlie! You never show enough gumption. Always take no for an answer. Not I! Not Sir Chad. I will find a way to make her love me or I will make one!”

“That’s the spirit!” says Sir Kyle.

“I just—can I just say one more thing and I’ll drop it?” says Sir Charlie.

“Say your piece,” says Chad.

“I just think that, we Knights need to do a better job of listening to princesses when they tell us what they want, and respecting that. I mean, this gal was pretty direct with you—hell, she maimed you with an exploding pot. I think that we need to learn to leave well enough alone; she’s more than capable of protecting herself and choosing how she’d like to live. I really think you should reconsider.”

Chad and Kyle share a look and then burst into laughter together, slamming their hands on the table in good cheer.

“Oh, you bastard!” says Chad laughing, “you really had me going! A woman capable of protecting herself! Incredible.”

“You’re too much, Charlie!” says Kyle. “Listening to princesses? That’ll be the day.”

Charlie finishes his beer and shakes his head and exits the bar.

Sir Charlie returns to the bar the next evening. He spots Sirs Chad and Kyle sitting at their usual table. Sir Chad’s head is bandaged, Sir Kyle’s hand in a cast.

“What happened to you two?” says Sir Charlie. “You look like hell.”

“That crazy ass Princess hit me over the head with a frying pan,” says Chad. “Turns out she maybe can defend herself. Still though, she’s fuckin’ nuts.”

“And you?” asks Charlie with a nod to Kyle. “Oh, I heard the news and got so mad I punched a wall,” says Kyle sheepishly.

“Well, I’m just glad you both learned your lesson,” says Charlie. “The next round is on me.”

“Lesson?” says Sir Chad. “I’m going back there tomorrow. This time with a helmet on.

“I’ll save her if it’s the last thing I do!”

r/InMyLife42Archive