TerrificTooMan t1_jd1h6l2 wrote
Reply to comment by TerrificTooMan in [SP] A curse placed upon you reveals to anyone what you are thinking of when you interact with them. by chacham2
Lizzy slides off the bench and scooches over to Adam. "So, Bartholomew, you wanna tell me what that was all about?"
"...I had a dream we got married," said Adam.
"Really," said Lizzy, "I couldn't tell, the giant black bear looked just like my dad."
"It was right after I got cursed," said Adam, "at first it just blended in with the other thoughts, but after a while, I dunno, it got stronger. I'd be thinking about something completely unrelated and the dream would just push itself to the front of my mind."
"Why didn't you tell me...?" said Lizzy.
"Because I...I didn't want to ruin this," interrupted Adam. "For better or for worse, you are my best friend, bar none. I've known you since freshman year and you've made my life better, even when I came home broken, bruised, and bleeding from when we tried to make homemade soup, I still had a great time because it was with you. I didn't want to risk..." Before Adam could finish, Lizzy grabbed him by the face and kissed him.
"No you idiot," yelled Lizzy, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?! For twelve years I've had a crush on you, TWELVE YEARS! I've always told myself that if you had wanted to you would have said something or at least given me a hint, but nothing, nada. Do you have any idea how..." Lizzy noticed that Adam was still dazed by the kiss. Several clouds flew out of his head displaying fireworks. Lizzy lightly slaps him on the cheek. "Hey, wake up! I'm venting some pent-up frustration and I..." Adam kissed Lizzy back, almost knocking her to the ground. "For the record, you're getting an earful tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?" asked Adam. Lizzy pulls him in close by his shirt collar.
"Did I stutter?!" said Lizzy.
"Tomorrow it is then," said Adam. The two continue kissing as a dozen cloud hearts float above them.
____________________
Thank you very much for reading! If you have any comments or critiques, please don't be afraid to let me know down below (As long as they're constructive (or funny)).
Stay safe, drink plenty of water, and be nice to one another.
ToonMan, AWAY!
chacham2 OP t1_jd2xe6j wrote
The setting and interaction between the characters was beautiful.
Critique? I'm not a big fan of the style, i didn't find the story itself to be that interesting, and i didn't like the mildly crude word in the first of your three posts. But i have to repeat: The setting and interaction between the characters was beautiful.
TerrificTooMan t1_jd3tpwj wrote
I may not be asking this right, but what precisely did you not find interesting, or was this just not the kind of story you expected?
chacham2 OP t1_jd4g0rr wrote
I read it to my wife last night (the first post) and we both kind of lost interest. The idea and interaction was nice, blowing away clouds, and having someone that close and dear. But, in the middle we couldn't tell 100% what was going on. Also, not sure if this means anything, but when i was reading it aloud, it didn't flow 100%.
TerrificTooMan t1_jd4vf4e wrote
Yeah, reading it back over again, I think I see what you're getting at. Thanks for taking the time to discuss this, your feedback is greatly appreciated!
chacham2 OP t1_jd4vvlv wrote
Wow, i didn't think you'd actually like my feedback. I just wanted to show appreciation for you taking the time to write it. :)
Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments