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rainbow--penguin t1_itgi3r1 wrote

Reply to comment by Least-Bison-1294 in [CW] Smash 'Em Up Sunday: Invasion by Cody_Fox23

Hey, the spacing looks good to me, as does the grammar for the most part.

A couple of small tips:

  1. The dialogue tag is part of the sentence, so it should be:

> “I saw right through you too,” it replied.

When the text outside the dialogue isn't a tag (perhaps it's a separate action or something) then it remains a separate sentence.

  1. Try to avoid repeating the same word close together, particularly long and unusual words. For example, in your second paragraph, you use the word "auditorium" a fair few times and it starts to stick out a little.

I thought the way you told this story was really interesting. I liked the interspersing of the speech in italics with the action. And I think you did a good job building that slightly unsettling feeling that not all is well.

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Least-Bison-1294 t1_itlbxwe wrote

Thanks for the advice man!

I will definetly apply these rules next time i write something.

2