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Ingavar_Oakheart t1_ixq9r2b wrote

Reply to comment by poiyurt in [WP] The knight can't believe it, his Noble steed from the Royal Stables, capable, loyal, who went on so many adventures together, just transformed into the princess. She remembers it all and she has something to say to the knight by Commander_Night_17

"For now he was content to know that he and Firekeeper would continue to run side by side." ~ Wolf's Soul, Jane Lindskold.

I have so many feelings, and not enough words to put them in. I adore the way that you were able to use the same sentences to depict very different emotions, "in caves deep and mountains not". The knight's delivery at the beginning felt like they were reading a litany of their sins, whereas I could almost hear the princess gliding along that same itenerary with dreamy-eyed wonder.

If I were to try to find something to critique, I would say that it felt like the rhythm was clunky in a few cases. I certainly don't think it detracted overall from the response, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

Thank you for your words.

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poiyurt t1_ixqafmh wrote

Thank you for your praise! That was certainly the intention of repeating that little section, and I'm glad to know it worked.

It could definitely flow better, I agree. I've pretty much never written poetry before, I think I could count all my attempts on one hand. But once I had the idea for the story, writing out in prose just somehow felt wrong, like it could only exist in this form to evoke the right ideas. Plus at some point you can't really revise the flow anymore because you've read it too many times haha.

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Genevieve_Griselda t1_ixqr6qb wrote

it's like those songs that folks sing of tales of old, like "Scarborough fair".

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