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katpoker666 t1_iy5qq8e wrote

‘My Biochemical Romance’

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The downy depths of the dark duvet beckon. I yearn to pull it over my head and shut out my heartbreak.

A distant siren wails, strengthening my resolve. Doing something, anything has to be better than this.

Lacing on my running shoes, I bolt outside into the chill November air. I race down the cobbled streets. My shoes tap the pavement like an ever-accelerating metronome.

And still, I run.

Past shops we’d visited. That cafe Clare liked with the double cocoa tiramisu.

Euphoric endorphins surge through my body, filling the gap of oxytocin’s sweet embrace.

And still, I press on.

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WC: 100

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Thanks for reading! Feedback is always very much appreciated

5

Restser t1_iyaai4a wrote

Hey Katpoker666. Succinct and lyrical. You paint a picture of loss without ever saying the words.

To nitpick for a moment, "my duvet" might work. The following sounds episodic even though the MC might think this way:

>Lacing on my running shoes, I bolt outside into the chill November air. I race down the cobbled streets.

To reduce the depence on "I":

>I lace my running shoes then bolt down cobbled streets in chill November air.

The chill November air can only be outside.

You've written a deceptively deep piece. It is a joy to read. Cheers.

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London-Roma-1980 t1_iydkw98 wrote

It's not often you get a micro that hits all the notes, but this one does. Also a good subversive take on the theme. Although I appreciate the challenge you gave yourself to make it a micro, I think something like this almost demands more -- this feels like a preview of a longer story. Perhaps you could expand the idea into a WP if one comes up in the future... or, if necessary, I'll tee one up so you can put it there.

With shorter stories, you're always going to leave something on the table, but the key you figure out here is to make it something the audience wants. I want to know other shops you'd visited. I want to hear more of the author's internal struggle to get back into life. The "And still" mechanic makes me wonder what other reminders the author sees. And most of all: does the author succeed in "out-running" their pain?

Good stuff here!

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katpoker666 t1_iydrcre wrote

Thanks so much, Duke! I definitely may explore this one more. Would have to think about how :)

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