This kid has problems, I thought. Trauma laced childhood and desire to kill people, including all muggles and "mudbloods". Also he acts on his violent tendencies sometimes. Did I mention he's ELEVEN!? I also had some anxiety that maybe this kid could be the Dark Lord, a murderer, prohibited from being 5 feet away from muggles, or all 3. Yes, I am a hat, yes, I am at a wizard school, but I understand muggle Phd-level psychology and ethic decisions. There are jumping chocolate frogs and phoenix feather wands at your local charity shop (or as the Ilvermorny students call them, thrift stores), what do you even expect when you're a wizard? Or a hat surrounded by wizards, in my case.

Now the kid himself-Thomas Riddle-just screams Slytherin. But if he were to be in Slytherin, he could be much worse. His father used a love potion to conceive him, for crying out loud. He was born without love! He doesn't care about anyone! He was pretty intelligent, but couldn't be in Ravenclaw. He was brave, but couldn't be in Gryffindor. And Hufflepuff...well, their could be a curse upon the school.

But then I remembered-there was another option. A new house introduced just this year. It would be perfect. It could save him from going to Azkaban, or worse. He could make the first friends in his life.

I finally shouted my decision across the large dining hall, so loud even the squirrels outside ran away:

#"SPECIAL ED!"#