Ain't Easy Being Cheesy

Twinkling Twilight home for senior citizens was a short drive outside of Star City. A lovely facility providing all the comforts of home for its residents, even the ones who couldn't remember their day to day lives. Terrance Thorne sat in the common area playing cards, as he was about to claim victory the attractive young nurse he constantly flirted with interrupted.

"Mr. Thorne you have a visitor. They want to see you out in the garden." Her soft voice melted Terrance's old heart, instead of raising his mast, getting old sucked.

"Are you sure, hot stuff? Nobody visits an old fart like me. Who is it?" Terrance asked, slowly propping himself up on his cane.

"They asked me not to say, wanted to keep it a surprise." The nurse replied. She took Terrance's free hand as the two slowly made their way to the back garden. Terrance's visitor had their back turned to him, he still recognized her from behind.

"What the fuck does she want?" Terrance grumbled aloud, pushing the nurse off him. "Leave us." He said with an air of menace. The nurse retreated, Terrance pushed forward. He loudly cleared his throat. "What are you doing here little Angie? Ain't seen you in decades, come to toss me into the slammer? Guess what, I'm already there."

Detective Angela Falcona turned to face the retired schmuck. She held up a picnic basket and smiled. "Hey T! Come on, this place ain't so bad. Hot little nurse you got, that's got to be a plus."

"Let's just say the rigging on the main mast doesn't work like it used to. I already ate lunch, at least I think I did." Terrance took a seat at the patio table in the center of the garden, most of his life was spent sedentary now, a far cry from his glory days of being feared by any who heard his name.

"Well maybe this will perk you up." Falcona said slyly as she opened the picnic basket. An overpowering odor burst from the basket, singeing the detective's nostrils. To Terrance, it smelled like heaven. His eyes widened as the wheel of cheese hit the table. He scooped it up, taking a deep whiff.

"Vioux Boulogne. Stinkiest of the stinky cheeses. Do you know what gives it that enticing aroma?" He asked excitedly.

Falcona pinched her nose, decades of smoking had destroyed her sense of smell, this stuff didn't care. "Enlighten me." She asked. Pinched nostrils causing the tone of her voice to rise.

"Unpasteurized cow milk is pre-salted then washed with beer. As it rots it releases it's intoxicating aromatics." Terrance clutched the cheese wheel tightly, resisting the urge to chomp through its rind.

"How poetic, I would say it smells like a septic tank." Falcona lit a smoke to cover the horrendous odor in the air.

Terrance narrowed his eyes at her. "Falcona's aren't known for giving gifts without wanting something in return. What's your angle?"

Falcona chuckled. Terrance didn't play the game anymore but he still knew how to play it. "I need the Terrible Turophile to come out of retirement for one last hurrah."

"Sorry little Angie. I'm that not person anymore. Find someone else to do your dirty work." Terrance tossed the wheel of cheese back on the table, despite his yearning to take a bite.

Falcona put the wheel back in the basket. "It's a pretty easy gig, all you really got to do is show up, rest will take care of itself. You'll be back in time for "Wheel of Fortune". But I can't make you do anything. Shame you won't hear me out, this basket is pretty heavy." Falcona produced another wheel of cheese.

Terrance's breath left his body. "Bitto Storico! How old is it?"

"Eight years."

"Then it must be taking on a spicier yet bitter taste. Oh I haven't had this in years, really takes me back. What's the job?" Terrance asked hesitantly.

"Pick a fight with Meteor Man. He's been feeling down lately, losing focus on being a hero. Once the schmucks learned how dumb he was they started to outsmart him. Nobody fights him anymore. Need someone to snap him back to reality, give him a challenge. If what my pa told me about you is true, you're the perfect man for the job. Since you ain't been around for awhile it ain't gonna rock the boat too much once you lose." Falcona chain smoked, the battle between stinky cheese and smoke continuing to wage in the air.

A resigned sigh left Terrance's lungs. "I'm too old to be fighting supers, that's a young man's game. Sorry, Angie."

Falcona gazed into Terrance's eyes, he had a good poker face. Good thing Falcona always kept aces up her sleeve. One last wheel of cheese. Terrance almost fell out of his chair, Falcona almost fainted at the disgusting "food". The pale yellow cheese writhed as if it were alive, something wriggled beneath its surface.

"Casu Marzu? It can't be. You can't import this, it's illegal, due to the maggots that live within, processing it to give it that.....ripe flavor. It's the only cheese I've never had the pleasure of consuming." Terrance rapidly spoke, his breathing heavy. "Damn you Angie, damn you to hell." He breathlessly choked out.

Falcona kept her stoic poker face on, she was certain that would have produced a yes. She had a hunch, needed to test it. With a flick of her wrist she opened her butterfly knife, slowly cutting into the Casu Marzu, maggots wriggled from the slice. Falcona threw up in her mouth a little, Terrance's mouth watered. "Come on, take a little bite." She held the small slice of cheese in front of Terrance's face.

Tears welled in Terrance's eyes. "I can't be the villain you need, Angie. I never wanted to disappear, end up in this crappy old folks home. It was out of my control."

Falcona dropped the piece of cheese on the table, she made a mental note to wash her hands extra long before leaving. "Someone keeping you caged?" She inquired.

Terrance wiped away a tear streaking down his wrinkled cheek. "I'm lactose intolerant."

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