What. Did. I. Say. What did I say! That's not a friggin question, Mark, so put you idiot hand down. And don't you dare stop me, Amy. I earned this monologue. It's the last joy I get in this life. No, we aren't going to make it through this. Friendship can't fight friggin demons. Neither can you mall katana. Nor your redneck improvised shotgun. I will slap you, Mark. I with slap you so hard if that hand goes up one more time. This is not audience participation time. If I want to sing the frigging pokerap in ancient sumerian, you will sit quietly while I work out the translation, and be ready to clap when I finish. Now, let's go back to the begin, and see if you all can sit through my recap and keep track of how many types listening to me would have prevented all this. Mark found a friggin necronomicon type book on a reject Wish clone, and I said, "Don't waste your money." There's one. But no, he had to buy it. Then it came, and I said, "Don't bother me with this crap." Okay, we'd probably still be in this mess, but I at least would have enjoyed that Saturday, so I'm still going to—

SLAP

WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THE HAND! Anyway, that's two. Then Mark couldn't read it, so I said, "Don't bother, it's just a stupid prop." So we have three. But he called Brian for help. Only Brian's car was in the shop. "That's a sign," I said for four. But then Amy volunteered to drive us to Brian's place. "Only reason for that is to enjoy watching thing on his projector." Five. No, don't you start, I said I get to monologue. Then Brian took the book and I said, "Don't encourage Mark in his idiocy." What is that, six or seven? THAT WAS TEST!

slap

Well, the door is breaking so let's speed things up. "Don't read anything that says it can summon demons." "Do hurt an innocent animal for this." "Don't set that on fire." and "Don't touch my lunch." brings us up to ten. "Don't go out there alone, Brian." That would have kept him alive to hear my rant. "Mr. Henderson has a shotgun." Might be good against demons, but now we'll never know. I'll count it as just half, but combined with, "Don't make out with her just because the world is ending." will make it an even twelve. Oh, there goes Amy's spine. Surprised she had one.

Mark, if your hand is raised, I swear.