Dude, The Dark Tower almost ended me!!

When King got flattened by that self-driving semi (it was caused by a Romani curse while he was in a life or death speedwalkathon) and we all thought the series wouldn’t get finished; a bunch of us fans snorted his body weight in cocaine (to break the curse).

A bunch of us died, and the others got brain damage. But not me!! AND he made a dramatic comeback to give us 3 mediocre books with a very adequate ending.

Bonus: I also got superpowers, so when I touch someone I know which bathroom they will shit in next. It’s not as useful as you would think…