6 Lessons from the book "How to win Friends and influence People"

Submitted by figinjosejospe t3_125h06h in books

1️⃣ Don’t argue!

❌ You can’t win the other person through arguments, so the best thing is to avoid it.

2️⃣ Show respect for another's opinion.

📍 Never say to their face, "You're wrong". Even if you don’t agree with them.

3️⃣ If you are wrong, admit it!

❗️ When you know that you have done something wrong, admitting it will save you time and help avoid unnecessary quarrels.

4️⃣ Begin in a friendly way

🤓 When advising others, first mention a few of their good qualities.

5️⃣ Let the other person feel that the idea is theirs

👉 No one likes to feel they're being sold something or told to do a thing.

6️⃣ Dramatize your ideas

🤠 The movies do it. Tv does it. Why don’t you do it? Make the task seem more entertaining and interesting.

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InejandKaz t1_je49gk0 wrote

So basically nothing people with common sense didnt know already.

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InejandKaz t1_je4b839 wrote

Replying to Smolesworthy (#2,442,401)

  1. You didnt state any opinion, so how am i not showing any respect for a nonexistent opinion?

  2. I didnt say that i live by these 6 "lessons", so it doesnt matter if i do sth that is not according to these points. I am just saying that this book seems unoriginal, if this is all one gets out of out.

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iSeeDeadLynx t1_je4cni6 wrote

I've said before and I'll say it again. I despise these types of books with every fiber of my being.

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InvisibleSpaceVamp t1_je4et54 wrote

You don't win real friends by playing an agreeable role. This might work for superficial contacts, acquaintances, business partners and other types of small talk relationships, but not with friends. At least my idea of a friendship is, that I can be myself and totally honest with my friends.

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Myrenarde t1_je4il0e wrote

This is a book about how to be a better salesman, but the author applied is own rules to the title and content. A honnest title would be less selling : How to better interact in order to sell more is not a book I would have read.

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Admirable-Volume-263 t1_je4lgvy wrote

I have read this book, and many of the best books on business and influencing behavior, MULTIPLE times. I also, due to the shit I've been through in life, have a solid understanding of the psychology of influence based on years of research and having taken classes on negotiation for my b.s. and MELP. Plus, i study psychology and neuroscience for fun and use in my life.

This is one of the best books ever written. The people commenting here don't comprehend, reading isn't always for pleasure. It can be for those who need lessons on how to act in the real world because they either don't have the skills, don't know of them, or were abused their entire lives and need guidance (me). I also appreciate the historical context integrated into the book.

I've been in sales now for 15 years, been working in client-facing and team environments for 20. I love this book. It has withstood time well, and it was written after copious research on world leaders.

This book is supported, for the most part, by modern psychology of influence.

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scarletseasmoke t1_je4ppj1 wrote

I feel like this is one of those books we should have left in the 1930s maybe. Or we should just remove the friends part from the title.

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daanvanbeek t1_je4reqj wrote

If you think friends are something to win your social circle failed helping you develop into a decent human being.

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MinimumProcess1346 t1_je4rop3 wrote

I don't read 'How to' books. A good novel teaches you more about friendship

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PansyOHara t1_je50n8d wrote

I agree that these 6 “lessons” can help anyone in everyday life and in developing friendships. Respect for the other person, admitting you were wrong on something, sweetening advice by truthfully mentioning positive traits the person already has—these are all great points.

It doesn’t mean you can never debate a point with a friend or relative—although I agree that arguing rarely causes anyone to change their minds. But consider time and place, and don’t tell your friend they are stupid for taking their position if you sincerely hope to convince them of anything.

Likewise, if you’re advising your teen or adult son or daughter about budgeting, try to come up with something they’re already doing that’s positive before “helpfully pointing out” places where they’re “wasting money.”

Yes, the advice can be utilized superficially for the purpose of selling or simply using others. But if it’s done that way, the “friendships” and “influence” won’t last for long. But all salesmanship and influencing aren’t negative. In order to put ideas into action and move any kind of social change, there must be leader(s) who can sell their ideas and motivate others to join them in their cause.

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sixpackpeter t1_je50yjj wrote

Oh how my life went from "How to win friends and influence people" to "No more Mr. nice guy".

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McGilla_Gorilla t1_je533ac wrote

Replying to InvisibleSpaceVamp (#2,443,107)

William Gaddis, one of America’s great under-read novelists, used to rage against Carnegie as a symbol of everything wrong with our “culture”. This description from The Recognitions is one of my favorites:

> Here was no promise of anything so absurd as a void where nothing was, nor so delusive as a chimerical kingdom of heaven: in short, it reconciled those virtues he had been taught as a child to the motives and practices of the man, the elixir which exchanged the things worth being for the things worth having. It was written with reassuring felicity. There were no abstrusely long sentences, no confounding long words, no bewildering metaphors in an obfuscated system such as he feared finding in simply bound books of thoughts and ideas. No dictionary was necessary to understand its message; no reason to know what Kapila saw when he looked heavenward, and of what the Athenians accused Anaxagoras, or to know the secret name of Jahveh, or who cleft the Gordian knot, the meaning of 666. There was, finally, very little need to know anything at all, except how to “deal with people.”

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Admirable-Volume-263 t1_je572po wrote

Replying to Admirable-Volume-263 (#2,444,248)

This is going to be fun

I'm on number 5 through this book in the last year. It is my favorite book on influencing behavior. I was reading it on my way to apply for jobs and on my way back. I've read almost 100 books in the last year, many of them relating to this topic.

If you had read it, and had the capability to see things outside of black-and-white, all-or-nothing thinking(from: Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy"), you wouldn't tell someone else how to act based on someone else's brief, not-inclusive, subjective interpretation of what that book delivers.

Why not quote the book yourself?

Because I've read books on influence, I am using very specific words and phrasing to invoke your emotional response. But, what do I know, huh? I'm not using tactical empathy (Christopher Voss from "Never Split the Difference") nor am i going to use the skills covered in two books I have by Jim Camp. because I like a good fight. Reddit is full of defensive people also looking for a fight. So, bring it. Lol

Maybe you should check my comment history to see how I'm doing at applying some of these principles. People are complicated and flawed. But, you seem to be perfect, so I'd love for you to guide me through life. Getting defensive because I'm honoring the book based on my knowledge and experience is...? Sad. But, that's my faulty perspective, of course.

I just wanted to thank you for violating the rules of a book you've never read, by judging someone you don't know for not adhering to the principles therein 100% - on a reddit forum no less. If you studied neuroscience and psychology, you would know that the brain is elastic and it changes based on your experiences and what you read and do (see: "Rewire Your Anxious Brain" by Catherine Pittman PhD and Elizabeth Karle). So, the more work you put in to change, the more likely you are to change. I'm doing the work, are you? See also: books by Adam Grant, Malcolm Gladwell, Marcus Aurelius, Ryan Holiday, Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, and more.

People who were abused aren't skilled at making friends and influencing people. I had to spend years learning. We are all on our own journey, eh?

And I am not here to sell anyone or tell others how to live. I'm here to speak to something i have in-depth knowledge of, and because you don't have it, you chose to get defensive rather than walk away from a conversation you don't belong in.

That's my career specialty - influencing people - not my hobby. Big difference. I hate sales, but it's what I've done well in a variety of settings and industries. Books like this are the reason for my success. Before them, I was not functional in a social environment. I still am not in many ways.

My above comment is for the people who attacked me and then deleted their comments. Oh, and those who downvoted me :)

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Sumtimesagr8notion t1_je5ocby wrote

Those kind of books are so ridiculously bad. The irony is a lot of people wouldn't want to be friends with someone who finds a book like that deep

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vivahermione t1_je5oven wrote

That first point makes me want to reread the book. I wonder what he'd say about avoiding arguments in these polarizing times we live in.

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NewAd8974 t1_je87obp wrote

Replying to McGilla_Gorilla (#2,471,215)

Loved it a lot. The way he writes voices blows me away. Also putting in so many little details and resolving them hundreds of pages later with an offhand comment is so my jam. All the characters were great but Gibbs/Rhoda/JR/ and Davidoff were the ones I probably enjoyed most

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