Beccachicken t1_j2i4va4 wrote on January 1, 2023 at 2:25 PM

Someone will call DCF on you. get a social worker now.

frankybling t1_j2i7ovk wrote on January 1, 2023 at 2:51 PM

This is really good advice… if you approach them first they look at it differently than if someone reports you into the system. I can almost guarantee someone is going to wind up reporting you eventually. (ok so I’m being dire, but seriously it’s winter and you two need a roof not a car)

GoodPointsSharpEdges t1_j2lppqz wrote on January 2, 2023 at 6:28 AM

Just found this on the mass.gov site when I was double checking some info… “Who has child custody before going to court? If the parents aren't married — The mother has sole legal and physical custody of her child until a court orders otherwise.”

So if it were me, I’d stay in the UK, lock down a job ASAP assuming your family is able to help with child care, consult with a MA family law attorney asap, consult with a UK attorney asap, and begin preparing the forms yourself to file for full custody of your child and a probably a restraining order against the child’s father for the abuse. You will have to file an affidavit documenting the abuse so be as specific and direct as possible. The MA Probate & Family Court site has the forms available as well as links to each county’s remote/virtual court services so you can speak with court personnel face-to-face about the correct steps without having to leave the UK. Please know that it’s not an easy process but it’ll be completely worth it to keep you and your child safe and supported.

ItalianMama95 OP t1_j2i9ush wrote on January 1, 2023 at 3:10 PM

I get this, it’s not like the government don’t know, I’ve been dealing with shelters and homelessness most of last year. Didn’t have DCF involved though.

piggyazlea t1_j2isrqb wrote on January 1, 2023 at 5:35 PM

DCF will be 100% involved once your child is of school age. School personnel across Massachusetts are required to report such a case of a child living out of a car, having no access to basic necessities (a bed, shower/water, heat etc), and not having a place to go, especially in the winter time. Then you will lose your child until you are given temp shelter and obtain a job and are able to provide basic care for that child.

It is not worth it to come to MA to live in a car with no way to care for that baby. That is not what is best for your baby. It’s not what’s best for you.

No judge is going to come after you for staying where you have shelter and necessities.

If you’re worried about it looking like you’re keeping your child away from the father, make it known to the father that you’ll need child support and a place for the child to stay. If he refuses, then you need to stay where you’ll receive financial and basic support/necessities. Living in a car is not feasible or realistic, nor is it fair to that innocent child. Also tell the father that he can visit the UK to see the child or that if he will pay, you bring the child to see him.

Please do not make your child sleep in a car. He or she deserves a lot better. Please make the better choice.

zzglow t1_j2jcp3s wrote on January 1, 2023 at 7:45 PM

plz, give them a call. in my experience, they truly are there to help, especially if they see you are a good momma looking out for your little one. i went through homelessness with my child, i know my story may not be like others but DTA and DCF were like angels. i was physically attacked by my partner and cops were involved, he even had to do time. i lost my job, our apartment, i have no family or friends here and was completely alone with my (then) 3yo.

my DCF worker was literally an angel, helped me with getting clothes, xmas gifts, and provided numbers and overall was supportive of my situation. DTA were also helpful and helped me get on SNAP (food stamps) and at the time i was able to get unemployment due to the nature of my situation. i was sent to a domestic violence family shelter, it wasn’t ideal, but we had heat, a bed, our own little room in the shelter house. every parent had to do nightly chores, which at first was strange, but i got used to it and it worked for all of us. i wasn’t even there for a year when i got into a program that gave me and my daughter our own place. i even got help with childcare through CTI in Lowell, and that allowed me to go back to school to finish my degree.

we have our own place now, we are safe, her dad got help and slowly we have been getting to a better place where he gets to see her. here is all the info i could get:

CTI- https://www.commteam.org/ 978-459-0551

DTA- https://www.mass.gov/emergency-housing-assistance-programs

https://www.masslegalhelp.org/homelessness/emergency-assistance/advocacy-guide/appendixa

i wish you the best, plz don’t take this the wrong way but i will keep you and your little one in prayer. may God provide for you and you find a warm shelter to be with your son, no one deserves this. hugs

ItalianMama95 OP t1_j2jvc9u wrote on January 1, 2023 at 9:47 PM

Thank you, I will definitely give them a call, I have a lot of shelters and places to call to get help, I know this.

Sorry you went through a similar situation and I’m glad that you got through it and are doing a lot better. I can’t wait for the day things start to turn around. I’m fed up of trying my best and doing everything I can for my son and nothing changing.