Comments
DragonGarlicBreath t1_iw82gk4 wrote
> The most common type of ghost that comes around are "hookers," Hill claimed. Male renters, she said, have told her they have felt somebody stroking their face, stroking their arm or touching their shoulder.
Those hookers are not very good at their work, I have to say.
Hi_Im_Dadbot t1_iw82h2m wrote
Hey, there’s a market. Even ghosts need to shake the sheets from time to time.
eighty2angelfan t1_iw82ifp wrote
Destination_Centauri t1_iw83rf1 wrote
What possessed you to make such a terrible pun?
Destination_Centauri t1_iw840y9 wrote
For science: I volunteer to lay naked and sprawled out, over night as an experiment.
Action-a-go-go-baby t1_iw853ry wrote
Pretty sure this was vaguely covered is ghost busters
Austoman t1_iw854u3 wrote
Ah must be autocorrect.
They want Groin.
escape_of_da_keets t1_iw86a7y wrote
"Apparently this woman was a girl, who was also a virgin, but as well as a hooker that died in a fire. I very much put mathematics together and realized that this virgin was also and as well as the ghost."
TzarKazm t1_iw86i91 wrote
Plot twist, one of the male renters is pulling an Eric Cartman.
eighty2angelfan t1_iw8a1s1 wrote
seth928 t1_iw8b6ph wrote
What else would sheet walkers do?
AmethystOrator t1_iw8b9a6 wrote
Seemed insubstantial to me too.
soda-jerk t1_iw8bszp wrote
Oh, I see this is your first time reading a Fox"News" "article".
twitch_delta_blues t1_iw8cikf wrote
Egon, your mucus.
Jameschoral t1_iw8fgbf wrote
>The rental home reportedly has been a popular spot in recent months for paranormal investigators staying the night to figure out the alleged phenomena.
That explains a lot
calvincrack t1_iw8h4nm wrote
Ghostitutes
Mrcoldghost t1_iw8ha2a wrote
Ok grandma now let’s get your meds and then let’s turn on matlock for awhile.
biological_assembly t1_iw8ht4t wrote
They might want to check for a gas leak. This IS Texas.
deep_blue003v t1_iw8j1x5 wrote
Real Ho's never die.
drivingsansrobopants t1_iw8jjex wrote
I can see thru this attempt at a pun thread.
Riverrat423 t1_iw8juzt wrote
I can think of worse things than horney hooker ghosts.
NacreousFink t1_iw8k2nm wrote
It will be all well and good with these guys not paying until the ghost pimp shows up.
FuzzyFuzzNuts t1_iw8lar9 wrote
Fox news - "we're not a news network, we're an ENTERTAINMENT network" - we're just here for the lolz
-kind regards: Captain Fucking Obvious
HoppityHooper t1_iw8lbt8 wrote
Stealing this.
mosssmonster t1_iw8n5h5 wrote
We had this crazy guy once who was known as "The Sheet" because he would run into this mall I worked security at dressed in a white sheet like a ghost, squat down and take a dump right in the middle of the food court, and run away, escaping before security could nab him every time. We never caught the guy either, no idea what his deal was!
Some may call him a freak, but I say "That man was The Sheet!"
(Yes stolen joke... But funny.)
mosssmonster t1_iw8nmra wrote
I know an ancient Native American burial ground deep in a national park in Oregon where you can smash ghosts for free. True story.
OneSidedDice t1_iw8po6x wrote
Who ya gonna call girl?
replaysMike t1_iw8reuu wrote
That’s so gross. Which houses? Like if I were to try to find one, where would I go?
Commubot t1_iw8tp1q wrote
It's fox news, this is probably the most intelligent thing they've put out in a while
bibbidybobbidyboobs t1_iw8we3l wrote
DJWGibson t1_iw90pkw wrote
>"We’ve got kids, and we’ve got old people, old guys, and we’ve got hookers," she told host Jesse Watters. The most common type of ghost that comes around are "hookers," Hill claimed. Male renters, she said, have told her they have felt somebody stroking their face, stroking their arm or touching their shoulder.
So... because they're women who touch people, they're hookers? I think this says more about the homeowner than the ghost.
It's also funny that description implies anyone who isn't old or a kid is a hooker.
ArtificialBrain808 t1_iw92h4u wrote
hate when that shit happens
supernatlove t1_iw94lhg wrote
I’d never hire a hooker, but I couldn’t say no to a ghost hooker.
samsonite1020 t1_iw95obf wrote
Dad jokes are mandatory to keep the card
Meanderingversion t1_iw95ydu wrote
Back when Hal Fishman was beating ghosts with his belt and ladies with his smile.
MrPanchole t1_iw98g7w wrote
Hooker ghosts? Yeah, I remember that Scooby Doo, Where Are You episode.
ChaseShiny t1_iw9bjuq wrote
I am still intrigued by these recently deceased, covered in sheets. I heard that there's three sheets in the win?
ThatMangoAteMyBaby t1_iw9eavj wrote
I need an address now!!
ThatMangoAteMyBaby t1_iw9et3h wrote
Three sheets to the wind is a sailing term eluding to speed and lack there of. Sails with the wind is good. Sails into wind is going backwards and or stupid.
choptheair t1_iw9krg2 wrote
How many have you smashed?
mosssmonster t1_iw9nnlx wrote
Ghosts? ...I wouldn't claim "full-pennetration" but there was definitely Eros.
I didn't even believe in ghosts until one night in this spot when they came out in drooooves. Never experienced it anywhere else. Returned 2 years later for further investigation and, yep, same encounters.
I still don't know what I believe entirely, but that place was... Very special.
wut3va t1_iw9ogb7 wrote
"Bustin' makes me feel good"
ph30nix01 t1_iw9oolf wrote
Ah gotch
Healthy-Upstairs-286 t1_iw9ovqc wrote
Ghosts don’t exist. It’s not that hard to live in reality.
ty_webslinger t1_iw9pcjb wrote
Get ready to watch Hooker Ghosts on Vice!
machaca_master t1_iw9pic3 wrote
🎶bustin' makes me feel good 🎶
TessandraFae t1_iw9r7fz wrote
Dan Ackroyd understands this issue. https://medium.com/humungus/in-defense-of-the-oral-sex-dream-scene-in-the-original-ghostbusters-4b74210770a1
zdbdog06 t1_iw9sl1f wrote
You say that but I guarantee u this story will do better numbers than 99% of actual news
Sprinkle_Puff t1_iw9tszf wrote
This sounds like free money for the homeowner, why get in the way of these ghosts
TheLurkingMenace t1_iw9usig wrote
Take my upvote and get out.
TheLurkingMenace t1_iw9vf0y wrote
There's a whole bunch of problems with these conclusions.
ChaseShiny t1_iw9yesf wrote
Ok, I admit that I had to stretch the saying quite far to fit the joke. No offense intended
pickleer t1_iw9z8d8 wrote
I get where you're coming from and I'm with you but with my luck, I'd get slimed!
Temporary-Champion30 t1_iwa0z4f wrote
Can’t figure out a way to conclude the transaction….. solid journalism. Otherwise how would we have known whether the hooker ghosts finish you off and then charge you?
Johnny_Venus t1_iwa0zt9 wrote
Layoffs at Hogwarts mean Peeves is going to have to get really cool with a lot of stuff real quick 😅
AlmightyStalin t1_iwa1lj5 wrote
What’s there going rate for ghussy?
fullonfacepalmist t1_iwa23kv wrote
Death by snu snu it is then
fullonfacepalmist t1_iwa2cmf wrote
To imply that this woman is stupid was the right thing to do.
YakInner4303 t1_iwa3hw2 wrote
Those aren't hooker ghosts. That's what you feel when an insect uses you for a landing zone.
DragonGarlicBreath t1_iwa3r9i wrote
... hooker insects?
[deleted] t1_iwa4bdc wrote
nunyabiz3345 t1_iwa4cmw wrote
Figures a story like hooker ghost's would be on Fox.
Bigleftbowski t1_iwa4cov wrote
What do hooker ghosts do with the money? Are there hooker pimps?
PopUsed2884 t1_iwa5hsj wrote
Definitely wouldn’t want to go down on a ghost hooker…would taste like sheet
YakInner4303 t1_iwa63oo wrote
Well...maybe?
darkest_irish_lass t1_iwa6uga wrote
Who-you-gonna-call girl
P8tr0 t1_iwa84cw wrote
Ghost Fuckers International
UltimateGammer t1_iwa8of0 wrote
The XXX files
UltimateGammer t1_iwa8qvp wrote
We call that "getting casper'd"
bushpotatoe t1_iwa932m wrote
Dude is so lonely and horny he's imagining hookers willing enough to accept money for sex with him.
fa9 t1_iwa9gpq wrote
Virgin hooker ghosts.
I'd watch that anime.
Tonkarz t1_iwaaukj wrote
That needs to be what you get until you put money down.
DragonGarlicBreath t1_iwaf8k5 wrote
Nah. A little nipple stimulation, tease the thigh... A really pro hooker ghost would tell you that's how you seal the deal.
iordseyton t1_iwaf9ob wrote
"They try to stir up business, but they can’t figure out a way to conclude the transaction, so nothing ever happens." I'll say
iordseyton t1_iwag3rp wrote
When they pull off the mask at the end, it turns out it's just the homeowner, who's got a side hustle giving blowies to the ghost hunters who rent the place
ratherbewinedrunk t1_iwag43n wrote
What did the ghost say to the bees?
.
.
.
.
.
.
>!BOO BEES!<
sneakyplanner t1_iwagbag wrote
All the guests say they felt a ghost and you know they can be trusted because they are ghost hobbyists.
toejamandtoast t1_iwagiq9 wrote
Man, Fox News is putting ANYTHING on right now except the giant elephant in the room.
thekarmabum t1_iwagpa9 wrote
Puts new meaning to the "ghost hand job".
JefferyGoldberg t1_iwaihbc wrote
Clear as day mental illness here
[deleted] t1_iwajyqf wrote
[removed]
ModeInitial8990 t1_iwang71 wrote
Her skin Baeubble 🤣
randomguy987654321 t1_iwanuaj wrote
Maybe Texas hookers are just as lame at their job as their police force.
If I wanted someone who would barely touch me, I'd get married.
Graterof2evils t1_iwaoh3m wrote
Yeah I had a hooker ghost offer me aural for $20. I was like, awesome! So she starts in like, “I’m sucking your dick. Mmffrgg. It so big. Ggrglll. You like this don’t boooo? Ccclkknnggglll. My eyes are watering. Gagggrrglllrrkkk.” Then I’m like bitch you said you were going to give me oral! And she’s like, “Mother fucker I’m a ghost I can’t suck no dick! I said aural! A-u-r-a-l ! For an extra $5 I can get some ectoplasm on ya and you can jerk yourself off with that nasty shit but that’s the best I can do. Fuckin hooker ghost.
GrixisGirl t1_iwaqg0d wrote
It is day 752637494 of asking that fox be added to the subs blacklist
BigInDallas t1_iwaqnne wrote
OK Fox “news”… 💀 Soon stories about the dead participants in voter fraud. Maybe the dead DID vote!
apstls t1_iwaqr60 wrote
Who else could possibly know better??
apstls t1_iwaqts3 wrote
A few more puns like this and the ghostitutes will wish they could die a second time
Privateaccount84 t1_iwaquoj wrote
They know to get the money up front first, they’re dead, not stupid.
DoctorBlock t1_iwauzm7 wrote
The hosts is so annoying.
trafalmadorianistic t1_iwax2m2 wrote
So.. did she slime you?
carvedmuss8 t1_iwaxab1 wrote
Graveyardigan t1_iwb0wbx wrote
Hooker ghosts are harmless. Just let them crochet in peace.
Graterof2evils t1_iwb35r5 wrote
I didn’t have the extra $5. So I finished dry as a bone.
OkThanks990 t1_iwba6ff wrote
we need the nelk boys to pull up #nelkboys #fullsend
AnEnlightenedCaveman t1_iwboqaj wrote
I swear I’ve seen so many headlines from Texas lately that I’m seriously worried we’re becoming the new Florida
Smells_like_Autumn t1_iwbsezy wrote
Welp, one new kink to explore.
not_your-momma t1_iwc0mhb wrote
I thought this is just a dumb headline and the non-story is probably stupid, but not actually about ghost hookers, or they seized on an offhand comment. But I was very wrong, it is all the way stupid.
[deleted] t1_iwc31os wrote
RetardMcChuckle666 t1_iwc3736 wrote
If I wanted to have sex with an intimate object I'd get married.
Riots_and_Rutabagas t1_iwc5ye9 wrote
I didn’t know I needed that in my life. Thank you 😂
escape_of_da_keets t1_iwc6c0m wrote
It was an awesome show lol.
Brewing_Tea t1_iwcgof9 wrote
Not trying to be funny... not trying to make anyone have the worst day at their job...
KittenKoder t1_iwcjoih wrote
People have the weirdest methods for fulfilling voyeurism.
WirelessBCupSupport t1_iwdjr94 wrote
At least you didn't get the ASMR ghost. She was giving me head...sounds of chewing gummy bears and smacking lips.
"Think you missed your calling on Youtube, I says"
" Youtube won't let me monetize hooking, she says".
wlondonmatt t1_iwg0sfu wrote
I guess the ghosts wanted one more dick ride .
YouFeastOnFeces t1_iwi66hr wrote
5 seconds Mr. Marsh...
I'd like to solve the puzzle!
[ Removed by Reddit ]
Oh. eww... ohh... Can we... can we cut to...
YouFeastOnFeces t1_iwia09k wrote
Brazilian fart porn...
So many questions... Why specifically brazil? Why was this joked about plenty before South Park made a reference to it? I'm disgusted, confused, and laughing at the same time.
YouFeastOnFeces t1_iwibllq wrote
Bustin' makes me feel good!
samsonite1020 t1_iw821tv wrote
Looking for a "BOO-ty call" I suspect