ibonds dont talk at all and Im not sure where you are getting your information.

You seem almost manic in you approach here wanting instant results or immediate feedback...thats dangerous when it comes to finance. Investing is a longterm game. Nothing wrong with ibonds, they are good at what they are for...which is a hedge against inflation for short-term savings you intend to use for a purchase. They are not really a longterm investment and they certainly arent better longterm than a tax-advantaged brokerage account like a 401k...not because they are "bad" but because that is not what they are for.

If you try to drive a racecar in the snow and then complain about the car...not sure that is the fault of the car.

As for dividends I think you are miaunderstanding their use and value as well. Dividends are distributions. If you have $2000 in a dividend fund and that fund distributes to you a 5% dividend you would recieve $100 and your fund value would be $1900. Its basically the same as just withdrawing $100.

Dividend funds can grow in addition to distributing a dividend but the dividend itself is just a distribution and isnt a return in and of itself. A 6% dividend is not the same as a 6% return.