Submitted by darbydunner t3_ze8l7i in personalfinance
Hello everyone
I don't know if this is the right sunbeddit to be posting this. So sorry ahead of time if that's not the case. I'm just desperate for advice.
There's a lot of backstory for context. So incoming wall of text.
My mom lost her job about 5 years ago due to her not showing up for work. She had been working this job for over 25 years and just started going less and less until she was let go. There were other factors like her constantly getting into arguments with her boss and coworkers. So I know that played a part in her attendance. But regardless, she was let go.
During that time I filed for unemployment for her, filled out the weekly unemployment paperwork, and applied for jobs for her. She got call backs for interviews, but never went to any of them. She eventually got on disability and hasn't looked for a job since.
My father has never worked. He's been on disability most of my life. He has the capability to work, but never has. He would do odd jobs here and there for cash. But not enough to really supplement any actual income.
They've always made terrible decisions with their money. Pawning things, buy endless amounts of scratch offs, going into the negative each month when I know that they had the funds to not do so. Constantly asking family for money to the point that they've burnt every bridge that there is to burn. These decisions never changed and honestly got worse once they were both on disability. I was still living with them at the time, so I took on a lot of the bills and finances. I paid for both of our car insurance, utilities, internet, groceries, gave them cash when they needed, etc. I was also letting them use my car for transportation. They had lost theirs due to not paying the bill.
They were on the verge of foreclosure and managed to sell the home before that happened. With the money they earned from the sale they bought a new car and put some money down on a rental. After all that they were left with around $10,000 for savings. That was gone in a matter of months. They're combined income with disability and food stamps was/is $1500. Their rent at this time was $500 with utilities in included , they got very lucky with the place.
With that $10,000 being gone I yet again stepped in to help. Buying groceries, gas, and paying their car insurance. I had made them a budget to follow in hopes of helping but all that did was upset them and start a fight. They were in this rental for about a year until they were kicked out for being very behind on rent.
I paid for the uhaul, me and a friend loaded it up, I got them a storage unit, and we unloaded everything into it. They lived in their car.
That was 2 years ago. During the past two years I continued to pay for their car insurance, buying them food, putting gas in their car, running to help with every phone call. Daily I would send them listings for rentals and low labor job listings but they never made one phone call. I maxed two credit cards during this time. After which I continued to just help with cash.
They've done nothing during this time to actually change their situation. I've signed them up for doordash in hopes that they would see the potential and make some money, but nothing. I've spent around $10,000 on them throughout this process and I can't do it anymore. It's ruining me. I'm completely alone in this with no family to help, they've burned all of those bridges. They won't take any of my advice, follow a budget, or make any changes.
To make things worse they lost the car yesterday They pawned the title and stopped paying. I didn't know this. I'm living with inlaws and don't make enough to continue helping without dragging myself even further down.
I've ran out options and energy. I'm exhausted, angry, and don't know what to do so I figured I'd ask some strangers on the internet for advice. Thank you ahead of time.
EDIT I did not expect such a big response to this. Thank you everyone for the words, advice, and encouragement. I'm going to have to read over and respond to everything once I'm off work later today.