mcarterphoto t1_jdx4tx5 wrote on March 27, 2023 at 8:54 PM

This relates a lot to thoughts I have about grief. Most people "read" others and have an idea of how to react - you can use the F-word with this guy, better not with this woman; as we know people better, some become close friends, but almost everyone we deal with, before long we have a "version" of us that's just for them. With some people, this version becomes very "rich", with shared memories and an intuitive, 2nd-nature way of interacting. I don't think these are necessarily "false" version of us, it's how we connect with others and form deeper bonds.

When we lose someone to death or even through events that de-attach us (like a romantic breakup), we lose the version of ourselves that was the version they interacted with. I feel that we don't acknowledge this loss - it's bad enough to realize someone we love is gone from our lives, but also a part of our selves no longer has a place, and lives only in our memories.

But I ain't got no college, I could be off here!

1234sc27 t1_jdy43ta wrote on March 28, 2023 at 1:06 AM

Sometimes it hurts more to lose the version of yourself that they brought out. Especially if you really liked it.

stnmtn t1_jdyisw9 wrote on March 28, 2023 at 2:55 AM

Very well said, thank you

dday33 t1_je0m4rk wrote on March 28, 2023 at 3:40 PM

Your not off at all. I'm taking psychology 101 in college and the professor said exactly the same thing. We have different versions of our selves with different people, and when someone passes or we stop talking to them, that version of ourself dies too.

Maybe you should teach psychology lol.

mcarterphoto t1_je1bzoc wrote on March 28, 2023 at 6:22 PM

That's funny - my wife has a PhD in anthropology, she's been a hard core Jung scholar for like 10 years, teaches yoga, etc. I'm a photographer who came up playing years in bar bands. But we sit around the fire with bottles of wine and talk about this stuff a lot. Match made in heaven! (I gotta say though, a yoga teacher who is not a vegetarian - also known as a "unicorn"!)

No_Percentage7306 t1_jdync2q wrote on March 28, 2023 at 3:33 AM

Interesting, I think I've always thought this but never articulated it to myself.