Intellectually this all tracks, but the emotional reactio to coming out of the oblivion of anaesthesia, and knowing I never wanted to go back to that oblivionz and how sweet life is, still haunts me. I still have nightmares about dying. The irony is, in my nightmares, I'm panicked because I'm about to die and lose consciousness, but I'm not even really conscious in the dream state. I'm unconsciously repeating my conscious dread.