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MckittenMan t1_jaed4y0 wrote

>We met up in person and spoke and it seemed optimistic. He said he's worried this would be a 'band aid' for a bigger issue.

And

>He said he was worried we were doing this at a bad point in our relationship, I said that I thought we were in a bad point in the relationship because of this.

I agree with your statement.

You're burnt out and feeling like there is no light at the end of the tunnel for the relationship.

You need to feel like the relationship is going somewhere and is thriving. Having a relationship feel stuck... is challenging to navigate.

Are you throwing away a good thing? Possibly. But you're not getting what you need out of your relationship and that is critical. It's dying on your end.

I understand that LDRs can be unavoidable, sometimes you transition into one. But I will never understand how people willingly sign up for one as a starting condition. They are so hard to balance and find fulfillment in.

I completely agree with your position though. Something needs to change. You need to have each-other in your everyday life. And if 4 years doesn't seem like its been enough time to move in... when will that bridge be crossed?

Really... at minimum, the two of you should be living in the same city by now, regardless if its a shared living space or not.

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Ill-Inspector3071 OP t1_jaee8ea wrote

Thank you for saying this, I feel like I've felt like I've been going crazy. There's just always been some barrier to it. And I've lived in the same city in the past by moving out on my own and he would spend time with me there, but this wasn't permanent and I would move back home and we would be in separate cities again (so except for our 1 year in uni, we have lived in the same city for a total of about 7 months in the last over 3 years). I could in theory move back to the same city by myself and he could come by and stay with me, but I fear that's not the same level of commitment I am searching for.

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MckittenMan t1_jaeijcs wrote

Exactly... barriers need to be broken down. You cannot have a permanent wall in a relationship. There needs progress in some form.

And that is a fair conclusion. You being the one moving there, would be like you're settling for less and the bigger contributor to put things in motion.

Might have been worth to just test his POV on moving to you. If he was completely against it, then I would assume things are very one-sided.

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Ill-Inspector3071 OP t1_jaejude wrote

From my understanding, it's more the fact he doesn't want to leave home. Also my work is in his city too, so it wouldn't make sense for him to move in my direction unfortunately. So in this case there seems to be no resolve :(

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