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SalamanderPop t1_jaek3jg wrote

This guy sounds like me in my 30s. I was awful and I hurt my wife and children with my anxiety and the hair trigger that came along with it. I can't put into words the amount of regret I carry with me and, with that, this incredible sense of loss because I wasnt the person my family needed and deserved.

Your man needs therapy from a licensed therapist. The best YOU can do is stop caretaking him, if you are doing it, and end any other behavior that enables him to not experience the consequences of his shitty behavior including the consequence of you not wanting to be around him.

One tactic here is to find a couples therapist and book an appointment, since telling him "you need therapy" likely isn't going to go over well. Ultimately start with couples counseling and the therapist will hone in on all the ugly bits in your relationship all on their own and help guide. If you book it and tell him lovingly and out of worry about your relationship and all that, and he doesn't attend, go by yourself anyway. They will be able to help you navigate this one better than us strangers on reddit.

On behalf of a former anxiety filled, hair triggered, inexcusable and irredeemable asshole, I'm so very sorry. I hope for the both of you that y'all find your way. Together or, if necessary, apart. As long as happiness is at the end of it.

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ThrowRAOpenIn8306 OP t1_jaelj24 wrote

Man that's the type of reply I was looking for, not to confirm my feelings, just from someone who dealt with it and came out the other end. He does indeed struggle with anxiety and the occasional panic attacks. I never truly put it together that it translate into such erratic behaviour. He's trying to get off his meds too with his doctor but I feel that guy is downplaying quite some symptoms.

Therapy spots are extremely hard to come by here, we actually already talked about it last time he had a panic attack. I will just slightly nudge a bit more to at least start looking together. There is some urgency since we have our first kid on the way and I want him to go into it with a bit more focused mindset. Thanks a lot for comment.

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SalamanderPop t1_jaeq4vh wrote

I would bet that his anxiety, panic attacks, and behavior is tightly linked together. I think seeking marriage counseling as soon as possible with that kid on the way, is super important.

What woke me up, after a rocky point in our marriage, was my wife telling me she was leaving me. The consequences of my own actions hitting me so squarely that it was like an instant overwhelming epiphany of what I had done.

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