You're both too focused on competing with each other about who does the most and who has it the hardest to remember that you're both in this together. You both have it fucking hard, and that shared hardship isn't supposed to divide you; it's supposed to unite you.

When your wife sends you Instagram reels of mothers who hard it hard, she is most likely not tryingb to target you but simply to tell you how she feels. Is that a good, constructive way of communicating? No! But it's also not necessarily an attack on you, and if your wife communicates through Instagram reels, she might even find it funny and empathetic if you were to share a similar reel of a father struggling.

You obviously both have a lot of feelings at the moment, and you need to sit down and talk about them before either of you let your growing resentment get the better of you. When you do, don't focus so much on all the things you feel like you are each doing wrong. Instead, focus on what you need more of or what you need done differently.