Submitted by ThrowRA-Mystery_End t3_10xxmko in relationship_advice
e got in a fight because she was saying I don't take an active roll in our relationship, planning dates or coming up with fun things to do anymore. I responded that if she wants to do something all she has to do is ask. She went ballistic saying she has enough to worry about, and does not need to add the idea of making sure we have something fun to do over the weekend onto her already crowded plate. I really get this and am going to work on being more active in coming up with things to do, although I really don't know what yet.
When I was confused by this she said "why don't you ask your non existent friends how they treat their wives? Oh yea you don't have any friends because your boring!" That really punched me in the balls. She is right I don't really have friends, a few co-workers I talk to from time to time, but I don't really have anyone I have hang out with. I guess I didn't think it was a bad thing that there is not anything taking me away from our family.
Is it such a bad thing that I don't have friends or outside interests? I know she has lots of friends and they are always having coffee and stuff. I never really have been that person, and many times just go and sit by myself. I guess I never thought this is a bad thing.
Sorry if my formatting is off, its hard to write out all I would like to ask, but yea.
TL:DR had an argument about the the lack of friends or things to do.
:::Edit:::
Came back to say I should have just listened to what she was really saying when she asked me to plan stuff. I think really, she has said this to me before, but I just did not listen or hear what she was saying. The whole situation escalated when I said if she wants something she just has to ask. I did not really listen to her in the moment, and that made her angry and lash out. If I really think about it, I don't really think it matters all that much to her that I do or don't have friends, as much as it matters I am active and not being a piece of furniture in her life. I think really had I just listened to her she was really saying "I am sick of asking for attention from you" and my response was more or less "If you want attention ask" That is pretty hurtful of me.
I do appreciate all the responses, I felt kind of like an idiot after the first response or 2 and my brain really clicked in and processed it all.