Submitted by Throwra04024 t3_10yubzf in relationship_advice
Okay so this is a long post so please bear with me.
So I was with Karina for about a year and a half. She worked at this bookstore I frequented and we just hit it off. Even though we're not together right now, she's an amazing woman, absolutely gorgeous, I mean way out of my league. Not to say I'm ugly, but she wasn't someone I thought I could get. Our relationship was nearly perfect. We did have small arguments here and there but they never lasted more than a couple hours and we worked it out.
Anyways, she moved in with me about 6 months ago. Everything's been great, I loved having her around and waiting for me when I get home from work. Our sex life only improved once she moved in with me. She has an amazing body and is very confident. She's really into giving and receiving oral and comfortable masturbating in front of me. She has a light bdsm fetish so sometimes we'd use ropes or tape. It's not really my thing but I love seeing her turned on so I enjoyed doing it. Now I have a kink, but my past partners in the past were half and half on it. Some of them liked it, others didnt. Being rejected because of your kink was tough for me, so I don't really bring it up. I really didn't wanna ruin my chances with Karina so I just didn't mention it. Usually I just indulge it thru porn and that's okay with me.
So about a month ago, she came home late because she was out with her friends and woke me up by sucking my dick. It's such an amazing feeling, so I was in heaven. I was grabbing her ass and running my fingers thru her long hair. Once I was getting close, she started jerking me off and started talking dirty to me. Like asking me what's my favorite hole of hers and stuff and that she was so horny that she was willing to try anything. And so I felt like saying what my kink was. And my kink is that I like the mommy/son roleplay. It's a major turn on for me. And I feel like she fits the role so well because she's so confident about what she likes and what she wants. So in a moment of horniness, I said "I wish you were my mommy".
And then she just stopped what she was doing and just said "did you say mommy?" I immediately regretted it and just said yeah I know it's weird, sorry. My dick went soft, and she just said oh okay, that's a little weird. And she just got under the covers and laid down facing away from me. I was so mad and embarrassed at myself so I just laid down facing the other way. A few minutes later she got up and left the room and I'm assuming she slept in the living room because she didn't come back all night. I didn't know what the fuck to do so I just went to bed after an hour or so. In the morning I got ready for work and saw her sleeping on the couch. I covered her with the blanket and kissed her forehead and left.
She didn't text me at all during the day and when I got home, she was sitting on the couch and she wanted to talk. I kinda jumped the gun and apologized for blurting it out and that she doesnt have to do anything. But that wasnt really what she wanted to hear. She asked why I feel a need for that roleplay. And I said (not sarcastically) well I'm not a psychologist but probably because I didnt have a mom. She left me when I was 5 and I dont remember her at all. My grandpa said I would cry a lot because she would leave me with him because she didnt wanna deal with me. So I told her that I guess that stuff stuck with me.
We went back and forth because I argued how I never brought it up and that we don't have to do anything. That I just want her. But she said that she doesn't think she can be with me anymore. She said something that, at the moment, hit me like a wall of bricks. She said you don't want a girlfriend. You want a mother. And I was quiet for a bit but then argued that it wasn't true. I'm the one who works, I bought my own house, I have my own car. I help her with the bills, I cook a few times a week. I don't really rely on her too much for stuff. On the contrary, I like taking care of her and spoiling her. But she didn't; wanna hear it. She put all her stuff in trash bags and left. I begged her not to go but there was no talking to her.
I went thru a difficult week after that. I cried, drank, worked out more than i ever have, and started working 16 hour days. I just couldn't stand being home alone anymore. I was so mad at myself and kept thinking if I wouldve just kept my mouth shut, I'd have the love of my life next to me. The 2nd week was a little easier, and then the 3rd week I felt way better. The workout was really therapeutic. And the more I cleared my head, the more I realized that maybe she wasn't the right one for me. And that I wasn't forcing my kink on her. So she really shouldnt have overreacted. And it started to make me feel anger towards her and relief that we were done. I started not to miss her.
Well 2 days ago, she called me in the middle of night but I ignored it, figured it may have been an accident. Well it wasnt. She left me a voice message on whatsapp and it was her crying and saying she missed me. That she regrets everything she said and that she loves me so much. To please call her back. But I just put my phone on airplane mode and went to bed. In the morning I woke up to more messages, thru whatsapp, text, even email. Basically the same thing, to call her back. I ignored it again. Well last night, she texted me that she wanted to do the mommy roleplay. That she wanted to explore it with me and do it for me. Not gonna lie, it turned me on to hear that. Then she followed it up with 3 pics of her in different poses, with lingerie, with little captions like "mommy wants you to cum inside her" and stuff like that. And that had me like fuck. I came just by looking at the pics.
After I came, the post-nut clarity set in and I remembered how much she hurt me. So I texted her back that i really appreciate the messages and pics, but I don't really know what to do. I need time and space. I put my phone in do not disturb mode and went back to bed.
Part of me wants to get back together but part of me is still super mad at her for all the mean things she said to me. Like there was no compassion or understanding on her side. I literally begged for her to stay. I was so vulnerable. And I feel like this is a big decision. I'm just feeling so many emotions right now.
If you read all this, thanks
tldr; girlfriend of 18 months broke up over my mommy kink, made me feel bad, now wants to get back together and indulge my kink