Submitted by ThrowRA1340 t3_113vurk in relationship_advice
UPDATE: There is a lot of stuff I didn’t add to this post about our relationship. He was very kind to me and he seemed like a true partner. It wasn’t just that he bought me things. That’s why this betrayal hurt me and confused me so much. Either way, I broke up with him. It was hard and he wasn’t kind or understanding about it which I kind of expected after everything but it also just reassured me it was the right choice. I’ve changed my locks and removed his things from my apartment. We’re done. I really appreciate everyone who commented with advice and care. You helped me a lot
I (25f) and my boyfriend (24m) have been together only a couple of months but I can truly see us getting married someday. He absolutely spoils me no matter how much I protest to him spending money on me. He takes me out and buys me things, takes me on trips, and tells me how much he loves me and how amazing I am and beautiful I am. While I can’t return the favors financially I try to tell him as much as I can how much I appreciate everything he does and how amazing he is. Everyone says we’re great together and I agree, even strangers we have met at parties and such. I am including all of this so you can understand my conflictions here. We went to a party 2 weeks ago and had lots of fun but he (and myself) drank a LOT of alcohol and he can already be very sensitive as it is. I went off into the backyard with two very close girlfriends and we just sat on the trampoline and talked and I went inside when I got cold. He came up and asked where I had been and I told him and then he asked what I had been doing and I told him, sitting on the trampoline and talking. He then asked “without me?” And I said I guess and he started telling me, quietly in my ear things like he is questioning our relationship and I’m terrible for going somewhere without telling him. He had mentioned that he was nervous for the party as it was a new social setting for him but he knew quite a few people there and seemed very comfortable all night. He was being mean and I went to go sit down on the couch and he just periodically kept walking up to me and saying things low into my ear like “you’re garbage” “you’re trash” “I guess I’m single now” etc. Of course my feelings were hurt so I go to the bathroom to take a minute and he follows me and the insults continue. At one point he goes to pat me on the cheek in kind of a condescending manner but he used more force than I think he intended and it hurt a little and he walked away. I was so upset and crying in the bathroom and he didn’t come back to check on me. He was very drunk but I myself was pretty drunk and I don’t act that way so while I can say that affects things, it’s not an excuse. At one point I was crying on the couch while those same close girlfriends were comforting me and I was telling them everything and I know everyone heard. I was drunk and upset and didn’t intend to air out our dirty laundry but I feel my response was normal and reasonable. He is angry that everyone knows which also rubs me the wrong way. He is sorry and we’ve talked about it and I told him it would never happen again or I am done and I made that clear but if he owns it and is sorry it shouldn’t matter my friends know. Who wouldn’t talk about something like that? I also just don’t understand how my sweet sweet boyfriend could treat me like that and I still am having trouble moving on from it. Is this a sign for our future if I stay? Was it just a fluke? Should I give him a chance? I’m feeling very conflicted and I am trying to look at this from a mature point of view but it’s hard when you have feelings involved. I just am so unsure how to feel or react or move on from this because I want to stay with him more than anything but I don’t deserve to be treated like that and I don’t want it to happen again
TL;DR My boyfriend spoke horribly to me and low key caused a scene at a party because of it and was mad and embarrassed that my friends know what he did but has since apologized for it. I made it clear this would never happen again or I would be done. He still doesn’t want me talking about this incident with any other friends which is giving major red flags and I’m struggling to move on from the situation