Submitted by ThrowRA_Evidence924 t3_113y28o in relationship_advice
I didn't have a great childhood. At college, I met Mike, Emily and Amy, all of whom came from bad homes themselves, and we bonded immediately and very strongly. We became each other's new family. This is about Amy.
Amy was in town this week, so my wife Julia(26F) and I invited her over for dinner. We caught up, reminisced. Amy told us how she's having trouble dating. Amy is very smart and very good looking, and it intimidates some guys. Julia and I comforted her, told her not to lower her standards etc.
After dinner, Julia went upstairs to check on our toddler. We'd been drinking, and Amy was more drunk than we realised. She brought up how, in our first year of college, I'd been a little into her. She and I had flirted a bit back then, danced together at a club once, but neither of us pursued it. She said if things had ended up differently, this would have been our house and our kid right now.
Now, I hadn't thought of Amy that way in years. And Julia is it for me, she's the love of my life. I was just so shocked that I just said something about how I'm glad we didn't because we ended up such good friends.
She eventually said I was a good husband and father. She asked if I had any regrets. I told her I didn't. She looked really sad. I'm not good at emotions and this whole conversation felt wrong so I offered to get her a glass of water.
When I stepped out of the living room, Julia was sitting on the stairs, crying. When I went to her, all she would say was I told you so.
Julia also went to the same college, different department. When she first asked me out, I wasn't in a good place and I wasn't ready for a serious relationship, so I rejected her. Nearly two years later, I realised I was crazy about her and asked her out. We've worked hard on our relationship. I struggle with emotional intimacy and she has insecurities. One recurring issue is she gets very upset if a woman shows interest in me. A part of her fears I will/ought to leave her for someone "better". She acknowledges it's irrational, and she trusts me.
In this matter, I know she has every right to be upset. I know something has to be done. She cried herself to sleep and nothing I said made a difference. Amy is sleeping on the sofabed downstairs.
Part of me says Amy was in a bad moment and said things she'll regret. I want to help her. It's not that bad. Julia's insecurities are making it out to be worse than what it is.
The rest of me sees how devastated Julia is. I will do anything to make this better. I'm also angry with Amy. Who says stuff like that?
I need advice on a course of action and a third party opinion on the gravity of the situation. I'm feeling so muddled right now.
EDIT: I've called a cab for Amy. I'll wake my wife and ask her to help me get Amy and her luggage out of the house. I don't know how our relationship with Amy will turn out, but I know this is the right first step. Thank you everyone who took the time to help me.