Submitted by ThrowRAsomedaysoon t3_1160fg1 in relationship_advice
Throwaway account because, I’ll be honest, unsure if this is my AITA moment:
My partner (29f) and I (29m) have been together for just over two years now, living together for the last six months. We are very happy, generally very good at communicating, and have a sex life that works for both of our drives. I say that because we agreed we’re good at about twice a week and don’t mind if it drops to once if we’re busy or spend time other ways instead.
However, about a month ago I had some medical issues and we didn’t have sex at all. We finally did a week ago, and while it was great and fun, she hadn’t shaved or trimmed in a while which ended up being a pretty bad experience for me.
There’s no shame in any body hair, however my partner only orgasms from oral and I love pleasing her so it’s the most consistent act in our sex life. But it was so much hair that (without any other way to put this) more than just some regular sweat and wetness was trapped/dried in the hair and I did not know how to tell her. We still had our fun, but I was really fighting back how gross I felt knowing what was going into my mouth (in case my subtext isn’t clear, I’m talking about urine)
Even before we met and all through our relationship, she usually trimmed and this has never been an issue. So I thought maybe it was that way last time was because she knew we wouldn’t be having sex for a while because of my medical issue. I don’t ask her to, it used to be her preference. But I was so off put last time that it’s been a whole week again. Today we had sex again, and she hadn’t gone back to old habit which ended up resulting in the same experience for me. I also feel guilty for self-abandoning because this feels like a boundary I should have set up sooner after the first time. But I don’t know how to bring it up!
Earlier this week she was telling me how recently she has been having a lot of negative body image perceptions and thoughts, so my main worry is that me asking about this will pile onto that. And I also I don’t want to go down again while she hasn’t trimmed, but am worried I won’t be able to bring up my concern and will do so regardless because that’s our main option for her orgasm in the bedroom.
Any advice on how to bring this up gently is greatly appreciated!
TLDR gf of two years has recently stopped trimming and the hair is so long that dried urine is a problem and I don’t know how to ask her to trim because her self-image has not been great recently. How could I gently bring this up without it being triggering?
EDIT: thanks everyone who has commented. From the majority of the comments though I realize I need to clarify a few things and want to add some more details
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this is NOT about shaving. Shaving means we want hairless. Having some hair adds an extra layer of stimulation for my partner so her and I both preferred trimmed on her instead.
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Tried asking about showering last time we had sex. I went and showered, she didn’t. (Also, you don’t need to shower before sex every time, even if you prefer to)
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this is about her mental health. The suggestions of “just talk to her”… yeah, my ask is literally “how could I gently bring this up without it being triggering?” I do not want to pile onto her recent negative body image perceptions.
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if you’re going to suggest laser hair removal? Don’t and instead please close reddit for the day.