Submitted by monpremiercompte t3_127g4u7 in relationship_advice
Friend made a move on me, how do I tell her bf?
Hello everyone! (English is not my mother tongue so sorry for any mistakes)
A little bit of contex: I (25M) have a group of friend from work (doctoral thesis) and among those is Jane (24F). She has a boyfriend Tom (26M) of something like 8 years who occasionally comes to the bar or parties with us and who I appreciate. Jane gets often more touchy when she gets drunk but until a few month ago it never was a problem for anyone.
One day, our group went to a bar, Tom wasn't there and after a lot of alcool and dance Jane and I ended up being alone dancing and she started to dance way more closely than usual, I don't mind in itself but I don't know her boundaries with her boyfriend so it was already a bit iffy, don't think I would have gone further but I was blasted so poor decision making is kinda my speciality in this state. I naively thought Tom and Jane probably have looser boundaries than most or it was a mistake due to alcool, so no big deal.
Fast forward something like a month ago, we are at a club and she made another move on me but much more direct. This time I still had some clarity (but I just had some drinks and others so I knew not for long) and told her no but she kept coming back at it so I asked a friend to keep her from going after me (ngl her face when she realized it was not preventing me from making a move on her but the opposite was priceless), which she did for most of the night (at least everything I remember). Our drunken lot finally headed home and I ended up supporting Jane to walk. She profited a bit from the situation by crawling her hand under my t-shirt because it was "cold outside" but I managed to limit it at that while getting the both of us to the metro.
The next morning I received a text from her saying she was sorry for the last night, I made sur that she understood it was bad but that luckily she did it on someone who doesn't mind the act itself (thank god she didn't harass some random person at the club). I also asked her if Tom was OK with it and she said something along the lines "he his OK with some things but not others, sometimes it is complicated, like for all long time relationships". So I asked her if she told him and she responded "No, and I don't want to, he would probably be unnecessarily hurt". At this point I didn't want to involve myself anymore in the drama so said something like "we will call this a drunk mistake on your end and move on"
Now I had a bit of time to process it and don't know how to tell him, I don't see him often and prefer doing it face to face (which is harder since Jane is often around) if you have any advice ?
Or maybe I should not tell him at all since I'm almost certain that he will not leave her over this, Jane will probably never try anything again, even if she does I now know he is not ok whith it and like this the narrative will not be twisted against me (happens often because I'm pretty bad at choosing my words) :/
TLDR: friend made a move on me in a drunk state and I don't know how to tell her bf (or if I should).
Thanks !
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