Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

• We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

• Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

• ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

• No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

• All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

• What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.

#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Its all well and good having a hobby but it seems like that hobby takes a lot of time away from your relationship. If your compromise is "3 days a week" it sounds like it would be every night you would rather spend time talking to your friends / strangers on a stream than spend time with your girlfriend?

Do you guys do anything she likes doing as a hobby? Do you ever have time when your both unplugged from the internet and just together? She might like video games but it sounds like she enjoys them casually, whereas your life is built around them? When you said you enjoy doing it in your free time when single is fine, but in a relationship now is that still the case?

I am not saying give up your hobby completely, or give up talking to your friends, but a good relationship requires attention. If I was her I would feel pretty lonely if you preferred spending time online with people than in person with me every night.

[removed]

Sounds like she needs to get a life. Seriously. You can’t be her everything. That’s what she wants. It’s unreasonable and unrealistic. Unless she gets her own interests and her own life, you aren’t compatible.

She enjoys going to concerts! Which we usually go to 2 -3 a month. She likes to read and has tons of books to catch up on. Perhaps we could take the time to read each night. (Even though I'm not a big reader myself).

Relationships do require a lot of attention. I feel like I see my friends online (Specifically the ones we've seen get married) and as a couple they love doing the online thing as a couple. I've tried to welcome her into my social circle online, as I don't want her to be lonely. She tells me she's just not comfortable being a part of my group of friends online. Which, they've all tried to welcome her as best they can.

Perhaps though, this is just not something my girlfriend does not want to do and would rather be offline. Maybe I need to further reduce my online time but having come from doing this every evening (before our relationship), down to 3 evenings a week seems like a big compromise on my part.

Thanks for your response MikeLanglois!

[removed]

Dude, she's just not into videogames. And I think you need to accept that than continually trying to incorporate them into your relationship together.

You shouldn't need to give up videogames, but if you play them so much it leaves no actual time for any quality time in your relationship together, then you have a problem with videogame additction. Videogame time should completely not replace date or down time together nor interfere with your sex life.

If you don't have time to meet the basic needs of a relationship because of the extent to which you play videogames, then you need to be realistic about this. Your GF is telling you that she's not into games but you are ignoring that because you don't want to cut down on any of your game time for her. Will your GF always come 2nd to your full-time videogame schedule?

You aren't really meeting half way for her at all if your version of meeting half way is to try to make her play games with you (and you won't accept anything else other than some version of that). How about you agree to playing videogames a little less and doing something IRL with her once or twice a weel? Because this is what she needs (and it's not a tall ask).

I agree she doesn't seem to want to be a part of this. At the same time though I'm literally her only outlet socially. Sometimes she talks to her Mom but that's about it. I feel like it's unbalanced in that regard. I never consumed myself every day completely. I do nearly all the cooking, have a meal ready for her and we sit down and talk about the day. And even on the days I stream / play games there is always 1-2 hours (sitting down for a meal) in between.

This is part of how I feel as well. Unless I'm available she doesn't want to do her own thing or hobby.

Theres some good ideas there. You may not like reading but it sounds like she didnt like but still tried your hobby so give it a go. Theres a happy medium ground, maybe get some video game related books that you might enjoy reading more?

>I feel like I see my friends online (Specifically the ones we've seen get married) and as a couple they love doing the online thing as a couple.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Those couples might both enjoy those things, but it sounds like your partner doesnt. Thats not a bad thing. It sounds like shes more of an in-person social person rather than online.

>Perhaps though, this is just not something my girlfriend does not want to do and would rather be offline. Maybe I need to further reduce my online time but having come from doing this every evening, down to 3 evenings a week seems like a big compromise on my part.

It can be hard transitioning from a single lifestyle full of time for hobbies to in a relationship, but there is a balance that can be made. At the moment I imagine she feels like shes only there to have the intimate parts of the relationship.

As a straight to the point question, on an average evening at home, would you rather spend time with your partner, or be online with your friends? Theres no wrong answer.

Her playing games in your community isn't the sort of social contact she needs though. Whilst this might be enough for you, for many people it is not. You also need more than just meal time together. When was the last time you went out on a date, like going to a theme park or zoo together?

You do sound very caring, but do you think your GF might be suffering from depression? It's not healthy for someone to be so socially isolated and un-engaged with life. Does your GF work? Does she have any interests?

There you go. Move on.