My GF (19F) worries about hurting me (25M) in the future

Submitted by Feisty_Bid1067 t3_1280x02 in relationship_advice

So yeah, like the title says my gf(19) worries about hurting me (m25) in the future. I know what it sounds like, but she is genuinely a really nice girl and she had an car crash few weeks ago, and because of that she has panic attacks and emotional disbalance. Two years ago, her grandma died in her arms so she is a mess since then. Panic attacks, depression and all that. But, she got a lot better.

A little backstory about us is that we met in october and started flirting and got together a month and a half ago. Everything is great, we laugh and we have an amazing connection. Im supportive and she's really nice too. She never had a serious relatioship.

So anyways, today she told me that we needed to talk and when we started talking she started crying a little bit saying im really nice but she's afraid because she is young and she can not plan future because she don't know where she will be in a few years.

I mean I get it, she's young, she needs space and time to think and she needs to find herself . That's okay. But, I told her that's fine, but if she wants to break up she needs to tell me now. She said that she doesn't want to break up. And then everything got back like it was. We started cuddling, laughing and kissing. We even went to her house to eat lunch with her parents (I knew them before our relationship and they love me and she even talked with her mother about that and her mother started crying, because she knows that my gf always stops herself from being happy).

So, I need an advice from you guys. I had a gf for 4 years and we broke up 2 years ago, since then I couldn't put myself through relationship again. I mean I tried. But, first time I like a girl and ready to risk it all once again, I get this. What should I do?

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Creative_Recover t1_jegpg8m wrote

She is just being realistic with you. But you both also need to realize that there are no guarantees in a relationship this young, regardless of your age. Even if she's gotten somewhat better I think your GF is still struggling a lot with her past traumatic events, did she ever recieve any therapy for what she went through?

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Feisty_Bid1067 OP t1_jegqnle wrote

Yeah, she did. She talked to a therapist, but homeotherapy help her the most. Also, her familiy is very supportive. But, it is a long way from being completly peacful in mind.

I get it, nothing is completly safe in life and anything can happen. But, that doesn't mean it shouldn't happen or at least to try. Just saying that threw me off the tracks and scared me a little bit. I'm afraid that nothing will be the same anymore. If break up happens, that's life, but to break up just because she thinks that she will hurt me is apsurd to me. We didn't break up, but those words are stuck in my head.

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Creative_Recover t1_jegra2f wrote

Have you considered that you too might also be carrying hangups from your past? I think you are focusing on what she said too much.

You need to appreciate this relationship for what it is and take things at a pace that is right for you both. Enjoy the moments and don't let your different respective pasts ruin the present time.

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Feisty_Bid1067 OP t1_jegrxnz wrote

Well, my previous serious relationship that lasted 4 years ended in a matter of a day, when my ex told me that she doesn't feel anything anymore. I was devastated and couldn't put myself to be in a serious relationship for two years. So, yeah, you are maybe right. It can be from both sides. Thank you! A lot.

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