Submitted by rolly--polly t3_11g7fc0 in relationship_advice
We went on camping trip, it was my first time meeting his friends (group of 10). I am an introvert and it took me years to be able to go hang out with his friends in a social setting. I went with an open mind, I was nice to everyone. They were nice and kind to me too. But he has this one friend, Jack, who showed up late and was very weird around me to begin with. I knew he has a drinking problem but he was sober when he first arrived. We all sat by the fire, talked. I said hi, introduced myself and smiled like I did with everyone. He couldn't be bothered to have a decent conversation. He was just cold. Later around midnight my fiance came to the girls tent to say goodnight. He was checking up on me, I was in a tent with his sister and female friends (strangers to me) . He wanted to make sure I was ok, and we stayed up talking for 40 mins, and Jack kept texting him, how he's taking forever and is not joining the party. He left shortly after many text messages/calls. I said go, it's not polite to keep people waiting. I just thought he was being missed by his friend.
Next day, we went to the lake, and me and my fiance we wanted to walk around, sit and talk by the water, we left the group for about 30 mins. As soon as we came back made snarky comments, rolled his eyes, just really immature actions.
Later that night, we were drinking by the fire, playing games and Jack was very rude and hostile towards me every chance he got infront of everyone. I casually mentioned to friend sitting beside me that I don't feel as drunk and he yells, "that's cause you're not drinking bro"!
I let it slide a few times but he kept going. My fiance was holding my hand to show his support but it was really getting to me. I excused myself to go the bathroom, my fiance and his other friend followed me to make sure I wasn't hurt by Jack's comments. I told them I was fine and to not make a scene, it was our last night there, I didn't want to ruin the mood. I was secretly crying in the bathroom and with my fiance. But everyone else saw what happened and came to me to say don't take it to my heart and just let it go and made excuses for him, about how he is drunk and that's just how he is.
I just said being drunk isn't an excuse to be asshole and hurt people without reason. I was the new person in the group, I am dating his friend, and alI he did was act entitled and bitter. I knew nobody and he was just so disrespectful from the very beginning, without even knowing me.
I was really hurt and mad. But i had to pretend to be fine for my fiance as Jack was his friend but I wasn't ok at all.
Next morning, as we were returning, I told my fiance I don't ever want to be in the same room as Jack is, I don't want that negativity around me. He said, yes that won't happen.
But 2 hours later, we had to stop at subway to get food and Jack came and sat at our table. Not wanting to make a scene again, I kept my cool.
My fiancé saw how upset I was, I said I won't attend his social events again. He said, he will hang out with Jack less and won't even see him as much. He told me, Jack killed what friendship they had. But didn't confront him. I was fine with it, I took his word for it.
I realized Jack told others during the trip how my fiance was acting different with me being around and wasn't giving him much time. He was literally bit**ing like a lil girl.
Since then Jack broke up and is been sad and my fiance feels bad for him and is hanging out with him more often, celebrating his birthday, drinking together. He says Jack had a rough life and isn’t a bad person. He seems to have forgotten how disrespectful he was to me and is now buddies with Jack again.
I have told my fiance how I don't like Jack and won't be around him but I never stopped him from hanging out with him, even when he said he would do it less but still hangs out often. I have mentioned, the more you hang out, the closer you are going to get and he's going to be more involved in our lives. He says, yeah dont worry i will handle it. He is just a very social person and want to be friends with everyone. They are hanging out right this minute and I can't help but feel betrayed and hurt. Like me being disrespected and hurt by HIS friend didn't mean anything to him. He just moved on and pretend like nothing happened. His friend was rude to me infront of his entire group yet no one said/did anything instead made excuses for him and now even my fiance, the one person who's supposed to have my back is out drinking with him knowing how disrespectful he was to me. I just realized I will never be ok with him being friends with Jack. It's just a constant reminder of him not having my back and not standing up for me, that he is totally fine with his friend walking all over me.
Tldr: fiancé's friend disrespected me infront of his entire group for no reason. Fiance did nothing and pretended like nothing happened. He hangs out with him often even when he said he won't. I feel betrayed and resent him.