Submitted by p0ggerz_br0 t3_yip7kl in relationship_advice
I want to try to keep things short and sweet. I’m almost positive he mentioned using Reddit before so I want to protect myself.
So for context I’m a very friendly and bubbly person. I’ve learned over the years a lot of men can take that as me being flirtatious. I can pretty quickly recognize the flirty energy a guy gives me back and do as I need to shut him down, as I’m very single and very very content with being on my own.
Anyways, my boss (who I had no clue was married and had kids) and I hit it off from the get go. In a purely friend/cool coworker way. He seemed very earnest and hardworking and respectful. Never crossed work boundaries or made me feel uncomfortable. We built a very positive workplace relationship and met a lot of goals by helping each other. So when I saw him add me on social media randomly a few days ago, I didn’t think much of it. Yeah he is my boss but I could definitely see him as a friend. So I accepted it.
Things were normal at first. But this week he sent me very lewd and explicit messages and pictures from complete left field. I decided to talk to another woman I work with with HR experience and has been in a similar situation. She was beyond shocked because he was very openly married (or so he told other women at work). I honestly had NO idea. Never seen him wear a ring (not that I was looking), and he never mentioned a wife. He told me how much he loves being on his own. No posts about her or any indication at all of being taken. I look him up on another social media site and they are very obviously together and his wife is constantly posting cute things and pictures of them together.
That female coworker said to just feed into my bosses messages until I get more concrete proof (the messages disappear immediately so she said to go with it and next time take screenshots), or if he isn’t being risky in the messages try to record him saying something IRL and only THEN telling his wife. She said because she doesn’t want it to go to HR and the wife and he possibly make it seem like I’m making false accusations.
A trusted friend outside of work I talked to about it said forget the evidence and tell the wife, because she deserves to know immediately. Like message her today.
And lastly, another trusted friend said to just block and delete the boss and not say a thing, just let it go.
I’m just so conflicted. I had no intentions of any of this happening. I was just going to try to ignore it if it was an HR issue since I’m dropping down to PT soon anyways. But now this is a moral issue. I’ve been cheated on before (but had to find out on my own). I’m so confused on what the right thing to do is. Someone please help?
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