Submitted by Effective_Cake8165 t3_xt5qyi in relationship_advice
I (20m) went to tinder date a train trip away from home. I was planning we spend the night at her place and the earliest train leaved at 7am. I brought my stuff to my tinder date (19f), where we had few drinks before heading to a bar nearby city by bus. Evening went on and we were at a night club, where she spotted some friend group and we started talking. She said she had been eyeing this another man a while, and soon they went to the dance floor together and shared some kisses. Before they left, I stayed at the table to speak to the rest of their group (about same aged as I, m and f in 20s). After some time we regrouped and my tinder date and her new said they were going to her place. This group said it was ok if I stayed at someones of their places as my tinder date was occupied with someone from their friendgroup. I said ok, and my tinder date and the guy left but I was boiling inside. I didn't spend the night as homeless, and got my stuff back next afternoon from her and made it back to my home. I was left by some dude she saw for 10 seconds across the room. I don't know how to even process this. I'm feeling like I'm the guy you dump right after you've seen someone better looking across the dance floor.
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EDIT: Trying to reply to all comments, but here's my thoughts after reading top comments and trying to fix some misconceptions about all of this. It's great seeing so many here, but honestly Im embarrassed seeing yet again my drunk self doing things I normally wouldn't do.
- I explained my alcohol abuse in top comment and things leading to us meeting. I had NOT drunk before when I first met her IRL, and we started pre-drinks together at her place. We drank same amounts during evening but probably were not equally drunk. Next day when she led the way to train station and I was left alone, I started drinking.
-Her view about staying at her place the night was that she offered me a place to stay overnight (like sleepover), but both parties agreed that most of the night would be spend in bars/night clubs. Before heading to city (we agreed before) that we would spend sometime getting food and pre-drinks at her place and then go to night life.
-Later, I was cautious leaving my stuff (tote bag with toiletries, extra hoodie and underwear, powerbank) to her as I was in unknown big city with only my wallet and phone. However seeing that she came to meet in train station to take me to her place even before going to bars, made me feel like I could trust her and not be mugged or led to random basement.
-The night started well and we had common things and I felt secure as she was with me the whole time navigating the city. Conversation started to get on the friendly side and I couldn't see myself dating her. So, I decided this was the night to have just fun and not even necessarily hook up as hours had gone by and seeing there was nothing romantic between us. Overall date-wise it didn't go well, but I had a nice time meeting new people, dancing more freely as I was in another city where no-one knew me.
-We both agreed that I could leave my stuff to her place and be there overnight made me feel safe (as this was discussed days before), and that feeling of safety being shattered maybe hurt even more than a date hooking up in front of me with another guy.
-I haven't gone to controversial comments yet but this is tinder dating in nutshell and please, don't put your personal anger to all women. This instance was just a single bad apple and example how not to trust strangers.