Submitted by OldMeThrowaway_15 t3_xx8grr in relationship_advice
Last year, I was in an abusive relationship and developed substance abuse issues. It was a very dark chapter of my life and I’m happy it’s over, but as result of it I fell into severe depression and my anxiety (that I’ve dealt with all my life) reached a peak.
I was able to move to a different area of my city and my new GP prescribed me antidepressant medication (Mirtazapine) to help me function. It’s been a game changer. I can sleep, eat, wash, see friends. All the normal human stuff. I’m on the waiting list for therapy and positive about the direction my life is moving in.
When I moved I met someone new. He’s very sweet, has an active social life and is good looking. I didn’t think he’d like me back but he did and we’ve been dating (seriously) for a few months.
But, when I told him I was on medication, he was not happy. He said to me that it was doing damage to my brain and I should be microdosing or doing yoga instead. I tried to quit for him, but the withdrawal made my anxiety really bad and I started having panic attacks. Now I feel like I have to take it in secret, because if he finds out I’ve had it he gets really short with me and lectures me. He says he doesn’t understand why I’m taking it. I had a talk with him about it, and told him has no idea what withdrawing from psychiatric medication is like, and that right now I need it to keep me on the right path. I’m also a smoker and he gets pissed off if I have more than one a day, or if I have alcohol.
This isn’t the first issue we’ve had: a few weeks ago he went to a festival and kissed his ex. I feel like he’s only telling half the truth, as I’ve seen pics from the event and in every pic- from different days- his ex is wearing some thing of his. He later said he ‘fumbled around’ with her, whatever that means. I’ve told him that I’m no contact with my ex and would like it if he respect my boundaries and went low contact with her. He got angry, said he didn’t want to set boundaries. He also gets edgy around my male friends and doesn’t talk to me normally or express affection to me when I’ve been around them. I hardly see friends now.
I feel like he’s trying to turn me into someone I’m not. We have a nice relationship and we do a lot of creative projects together, and all his friends tell me I’m so lucky to have him. He buys me gifts and cooks for me. But I feel on edge around him all the time now and I don’t know if I can put myself through another relationship right now. I’m still grieving what my ex did to me, and when I get the sense he’s trying to control me I get upset.
I don’t want to make any snap decisions but my gut is telling me to distance myself. But he’s the nicest guy I’ve met in a while so I’m not sure what to do :(
TL;DR: my partner wants me to quit my meds but I can’t. He gets angry with me for taking them and I have to keep it secret now.
UPDATE: I’m really overwhelmed by everyone’s kind and honest responses. I’ve tried talking to him about this today and he denied cheating on me, and said that his ex wearing his clothing was a coincidence as they have the same bag, coat, etc. How dumb does he think I am?? He also said he wants to see her in person more so he can ‘heal’. Haven’t bought up the medication issues but I’m going to.
UPDATE 2: I’ve talked to a close friend and she said I should also mention he’s very against me going to NA meetings, and we I mentioned an interest in Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous he flipped and said not to go as they’d just tell me to leave him.
FINAL UPDATE: I know what has to be done, I was up all night thinking about it. I’ve realised that I was much happier single and need to return to that state for my development and safety. I’m fully embracing self love, therapy, friends and of course my medication. Thank you to everyone who replied :))