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nashamagirl99 t1_iyeb8u5 wrote

Your therapist may be able to give you tips on talking to him, or even let him join in on a session.

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UsuallyWrite2 t1_iyebo9r wrote

Your boyfriend is in a tough position. He also needs to do some therapy so he can create and maintain better boundaries. He sounds pretty codependent.

I would sit him down and tell him how concerning this is.

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Adventurous-Place-10 t1_iyee3j7 wrote

Does his brother see a doctor,takes meds, see a therapist?

Your husband is so used to be there to help his brother but now that you’re pregnant and later on when/if something happens to you (if sick with young children at home) or his children is very sick he’ll have to make a choice.

He needs therapy to help him with his priorities and also his brother has to find other support beside his brother.

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AnonLlama1 t1_iyeh48o wrote

His brother refuses to take meds; something about it altering his self and it won't be him anymore.

He refuses to go to therapy for his priorities, saying it's unfair and etc. That he has to choose when both are important.

His brother is in an odd situation where he will find anyone to talk to, but his brother just talks and talks--doesn't listen to advice or anything. I've listened to his brother talk and it's always, "it's just hard."

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Adventurous-Place-10 t1_iyekmao wrote

I’m afraid there seems no solution for you. Your husband will drop everything for his brother. He is his priority. As for you you can’t depend on him for anything. You better have a support system because if his brother is in crisis you and your children will be second. what also is hard is that nobody wants to change, no therapy anything. They are good in their little world.

Can you live like this?

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AnonLlama1 t1_iyeluxv wrote

It's difficult because my support system was my best friend and childhood friends. But, my husband is very uncomfortable with me hanging out with my best friend because he had a thing for me. And my friends don't want to get caught here.

I can't live like this. It really feels so lonely and miserable. But I don't want my child to have a divorced mom and dad.

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Adventurous-Place-10 t1_iyewvzu wrote

Yes it seems you feel quite lonely but can’t you make new friends like after the birth of your baby join a support group for mothers if there’s one available where you live.

Having a happy mother is also important for a child. If you’re having a breakdown or are depressed because you don’t have a fulfilled life will this be better than having divorced parents?

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