I (30m) am deaf. Not 100%, but enough that I should definitely have hearing aids. I work in a welding shop, have since high school, and when I was younger, I didn’t take protecting myself seriously, so I didn’t wear ear protection. So, here I am, if I were in a silent room, I couldn’t properly hear someone talking 6 feet from me.

My wife (29f) who I’ve been married to for many years now, knows this. She used to be really good at remembering to have grace when it comes to my hearing issues. Recently though, she’s become easily irritable. When I’m not at work, I’ve tried to be really helpful around the house, keeping up maintenance, and doing little stuff like cooking and doing chores, as well as watching the kids and playing with them. However, whenever I’m say washing the dishes or vacuuming, or when I’m under a car or something, my wife will just yell at me from another room or across the yard.

I’ve tried to remind her that I’m literally deaf, and if she needs something, either text me, or walk the extra 10 feet to say words to my face, but she gets mad and shouts at me. I even feel self conscious asking her to repeat something at dinner because I’m worried she’s gonna flip out at me in front of our kids. I offered her to get a therapist because there’s got to be a stem from how she’s been so irritable, but she said she’s not crazy and doesn’t need a shrink. I said I don’t think she’s crazy, and it might just be helpful for her to be able to vent to a trained professional, but she won’t go for it, even though I make more than enough to support her getting professional help. I’m tired of being yelled at in my own home and trying to stay on he good side in front of the kids just so she doesn’t start screaming. I’m deaf, I’m trying to get some good hearing aids, the ones I’ve tried using don’t help much, and the process of finding the right ones is taking a minute.

All I’m asking for is some grace and patience while I try to find a solution to my hearing loss, but my it feels like my wife completely doesn’t even care. I’m seriously considering forcing her to get therapy or treat me better, or I’m going to have a serious look at our relationship, because this has been happening for almost a year now, and I’m done. Is giving her an ultimatum too far? Would I be overreacting if I did this? I don’t want to raise my kids in a home with an inconsiderate mom, or have them feel like they need to walk on eggshells around her, and I don’t want to either. I love her, and I don’t want to go the “do this or this will happen,” rout, but I think I will if I absolutely have to. It’s just exhausting. I need an outside perspective.

TLDR; my wife won’t stop yelling at me when she gets irritated because I can’t hear her, and it’s exhausting, but I don’t know what to do.