Submitted by Strange_Ganache_7365 t3_z8xt9m in relationship_advice
Hello, guys, girls and everything in between.
This is my first post and english is not my first language, so I'm sorry if I make any spelling mistake.
This might turn out a bit long because I want to be as detailed as possible, so you have all the context.
I (30m) met this guy (32m) on a dating app a few months ago. He is funny, handsome and he has a sense of humour that I really like. We hit it off right away.
We decided to meet for the first time at his apartment, and we actually talked about having sex on our first date, something that I'm not bothered with. I arrived at his place, he handed over a couple beers and we started chatting. We chatted for a few hours and he said he wanted to "chill".
I noticed some odd things. He said he couldn't have anything on the floor, not even dirty clothes. He found it hard to look at me in the eyes. He also mentioned his meds were changed recently. I didn't ask questions because I wanted him to disclose his personal information when he felt like doing it.
When we were talking about ourselves, I jokingly said that I had a wedding and I was missing my +1, that he was welcome to come with me, to which he seriously said that it could be fun and that he'd looked into it. That's when I thought that maybe he didn't get sarcasm.
Anyways, he had the AC on and it was really hot. He said that he didn't like to sweat and wanted to change clothes. I told him to do it, and that "if he wanted, I could take them off myself". We had sex after I said that.
I left feeling bad. Sex was amazing, but I had the feeling that had I not said "I'd take the clothes off myself" he would not have had sex with me. I texted him the next morning, apologizing, and he was caught off guard. He said that he wasn't in a very sexy mood but that he had fun, so I had nothing to worry about.
A couple weeks later I invited over to my place for lunch. He said yes pretty much instantly. I cooked for him and he said that no one cooked for him before. I offered him a beer but he said that he brought his own due to the meds. We spent a few hours chatting and that's when he said that he had OCD. I also told him that my company was shutting down and I was going to be unemployed. He didn't ask if I was ok, or if I needed anything. He simply said "send me your CV and this is my company, you can check here and there". I was taken by surprise but I felt really good. He cared about how I felt. I was surprised. because I thought that he was on the spectrum, but then something clicked. He'd spent a huge amount of time in the bathroom every time he went there, either at his place or mine. So I discarded that he had autism.
He said he had to leave and I asked if I could go with him to take the bus. He said yes. When we got there we saw that the next bus would take around 15 minutes to arrive, so he asked if I felt like walking with him to the next stop. I said yes, and then I said to him that I wanted to see him again, he said, and I'm quoting "of course we will see each other again, we live in the same city".
A few days later he texted me saying if he could come over to my place to take a nap. He lives in a really, really small apartment and he felt overwhelmed, and I agreed to it. I prepared a bed and I made myself ready to watch a show or play games while he slept. He requested me to be next to him and we fell asleep. When we woke up he told me he also had Aspergers. I replied that I don't know anyone with those two disorders but that I'm willing to learn. I read everything available online but obviously each person is different.
Then both of us went on holidays for 3 weeks. The wedding came and I sent him a selfie saying "Missing my +1 here", to which he replied with another selfie saying "me too". I smiled like there was no tomorrow.
I came back a few days ago and sent him a message asking if he wanted to meet soonish. He replied instantly saying "soonish as in this weekend?". I was happy. I made a full plan and he agreed to it, stating it sounded good, so we're meeting this weekend. I'm picking him up at his place, then we'll go to the christmas market. I booked a table at a restaurant and then we're going out for a drink.
I want to make him comfortable. I want to know more, so my I'd really like your insight.
Do you know (or are) a neurodivergent person? Any basic do/don't tips?
I do care about his disorders and I want to make this work because it looks like he also wants to move forward with whatever we're building.
tl;dr: I met a guy with OCD and Aaspergers. I think he's comfortable enough with me and I want to know how to handle these disorders.
Frequent_Spring_8997 t1_iydzhpq wrote
As a mother of young adults in the Autism Spectrum I am happy for this young man to have met you and is dating you. Someone with an Asperger's diagnosis would be the "highest" level of social interaction ability and IQ from my reading. The United States Mental Health diagnosis book no longer classifies asperger's separate from Autism. People who are neuro-divergent tend to speak in facts, and as with everyone the sense of humor varies. Within my nuclear family(8) made of myself, husband, biological and adopted children, 5 are within the spectrum. Of those 5, two were diagnosed by doctors ,1 by herself, husband by me, and the last believes she is but wants tested. Your guy sounds worth the investment of time, learn first by asking him questions, and by online reading. My husband is now a grumpy old man but was the sweetest, giving, loving man until his hgv heart attack 15vyears ago. Still his actions speak louder than his words, his actions are his love language.