Personally I’m with you OP. Tipping culture is insane but it’s our reality. My dad is a famously bad tipper and when we go out to eat I insist on paying the tip. I work in the service industry too and it’s just embarrassing to be with a bad tipper. During the times he wouldn’t let me tip I would bring cash along, wait until his backer was turned, and leave extra money on our way out. He doesn’t see it and I don’t have to “nag” anyone.

Also you said you didn’t need an expensive dinner and he insisted on it because HE wanted to go there. He needed to leave the tip or he’ll be emasculated. I think the real issue here is that he’s making this birthday dinner about him and his ego. It’s not about the tip.